Sometimes, in my mind, when I let myself think about it, I’m terrified looking at my heart splashed out here on the Interwebs on this blog and other places. That is the best sign I am on the right track to know my Self I feel. Turn over every stone. My ego says delete that ASAP after writing less and less. My words stand as they came. Just like my bad choices and their consequences in my life stand, so do the good and great ones. Deciding to express myself creatively, actively and foolishly examining everything inside and around me, has brought me so much Joy and peace, I wouldn’t go back to my old self or life on my worst day. Being exposed and known for what you are, warts and all, is terrifying in the best way. I kind of love it now.
So, tip of the hat to all who can muster the courage to expose themselves with no hope of acknowledgement or agreement. Writing from love and the heart for no gain but to bring your Light and Love into the world does something to you. It does. It frees you from your self and the opinions of others. You have to stand alone sometimes. Terrifying to a monkey brain, but evolutionarily required it seems. I fear someone is going to come and get me sometimes. I’m good with crazy. Crazy is fun to read, right? I just don’t want to be boring or too pedantic, but boring is good sometimes too.
Exploring the spirit in our culture unfortunately is not encouraged. You are encouraged to belong. The Ancient Mysteries used to be supported by the Greek and Roman state, now we are so driven by profit and corrupt, they would never support a spiritual school all attend. Only the wealthy or ones who can be used seem to be taught how to reason properly in their ivory towers. Only they have been trained great at thinking about how to rape the world and keep their foot on our necks. Is our society only valuable to a few people at the top? You will be isolated and removed like a virus if you rock things, unless you are part of the cure. I come from an Evangelical background. You don’t go looking into all religions from where I come from. Unfortunately, my heart and poems seem to have cost me access to my family and old friends. I have spent this last year writing as I felt inspired. I have been a square peg in a round hole my whole life. It sucks sometimes. It sucks to be so misunderstood. People I thought who would embrace me, just walked the other way.
So, to the reason I wrote this essay. Well, my writing and poems terrified my family to the point they will not let me see my Mother’s or Sister’s families. I just tell them I Love them and I do, so much. I stay out of their face. I’m no martyr, nor have a desire to be so. I want to celebrate and explore being alive here, now. I leave much unsaid, but what bubbles out is the expression of the life force poured into me from some other place. The personal rejection for sharing my heart hurt like hell in the beginning, which was a lesson. I guess that is a common Religious tactic for those who leave the fold, isolate and discredit them and finally torpedo their ship until its sunk. Interesting to experience it.
I encourage all to find and share their voices in spite of rejection, personal and professional. Hold your course and focus. Check your course often though. We need help sometimes. Weather the storms best you can until you find a good place to tie your boat to. Where I led the way before in my family, now I am persona non-grata for asking questions and sharing answers no one I know from my past wants to hear or see. I stay away and do not seek to agitate. I only hoped for a detente or a live and let live. There is no argument with my family from my side. Funny, everyone was fine with me living messing my life and others’ up for 20 years, but to awaken and write about a peace I have never known is the terrifying part that has branded me with a scarlet letter with friends and family. There is a great lesson there for me and evidence of the things unseen I know and feel. It is an excellent confirmation I am on to something here.
Whaaaaaaa me. I’m the dumb dumb who didn’t keep his lips hermetically sealed. I’m exploring here and remembering my Self. I move with no thinking in the creative place as much as I can. It’s messy and not calculated. I am as far from calculated as you can be. The spirit encourages me to be sincere and open with my heart every place I go and with every person I meet now and pursue when led. Be quiet most of the time. I write to my Self. I am sharing the email from my Sister below that clarified their position. She never reads anything I write, so no problem posting it 😉 I had asked to restore contact. They had read my email until the point they disagreed and then I got this email below. I am not looking for sympathy. I’m a big boy, but I felt led to share it. Not to shame, but explore the thinking that separates people and families. This is the mind set you face sometimes in Religion. Its a lot easier for you start out believing nothing with no faith maybe when starting to explore thyself.
I feel anyone can find themselves anywhere they are, so I could care less what you are or call you self. I am a student of the Universe. I have no creed but Love. I listen to all and follow none. I only encourage people to be real and love first and judge…never. I know I am on the right track for me. I am responsible for my self and my actions. Perhaps my sister and I will laugh about this one day. But I accept that they may never be able to accept my presence in their life again like they did. That makes me sad, but there is much to learn through this. Then I remember all have to walk their own path. We are all students. But, to this day, I can’t understand how they never asked me one question about what happened to me. Not one. They only told me I was cursed and lost. As my life blossoms like never before they condemn me. I know the lesson there. I’ll tell you a secret, no, that’s what got me in trouble in the first place. See, I’m learning 😉 It goes slowly.
Listen bro,
XXXX just read some of what you wrote. For real. XXXX, you are NOT Jesus. Period.
I wonder if your awareness of “Self”/let you see into the future let you see your family waving good bye and weeping over you.
Keep Denying your first love, keep disrespecting our only true God. I’ll be sad to say good bye at the parting of ways. Sad.
You are not all seeing, you are not God. You are not I AM. You are not. You are LOST.
YOU are a false prophet. A self centered false prophet.
You, unfortunately, will not have any contact with our family nor our children while you are in this state.
Much of this is like sweet nectar. It also is evidence of things unseen. There you have it. Well, I understand their reaction. I do. I love them so much, but I love my self most. Yes, I am totally Self centered. I’m going to print this one out huge to remind myself never to judge another’s sincere personal exploration, ever. I wish you well with yours.
I wanted to share a great poem provided me in a dark time by Rumi. I will always be a witness of and share the Love Rumi writes of so beautifully and humanly.
A dervish knocked at a house to ask for a piece of dry bread, or moist, it didn’t matter.
“This is not a bakery,” said the owner.
“Might you have a bit of gristle then?”
“Does this look like a butchershop?”
“A little flour?”
“Do you hear a grinding stone?”
“Some water?”
“This is not a well.”
Whatever the dervish asked for, the man made some tired joke and refused to give him anything.
Finally the dervish ran in the house, lifted his robe, and squatted as though to take a shit.
“Hey, hey!”
“Quiet, you sad man. A deserted place is a fine spot to relieve oneself, and since there’s no living thing here, or means of living, it needs fertilizing.”
The dervish began his own list of questions and answers.
“What kind of bird are you? Not a falcon, trained for the royal hand. Not a peacock, painted with everyone’s eyes. Not a parrot, that talks for sugar cubes. Not a nightingale, that sings like someone in love.
Not a hoopoe bringing messages to Solomon, or a stork that builds on a cliffside.
What exactly do you do? You are no known species.
You haggle and make jokes to keep what you own for yourself.
You have forgotten the One who doesn’t care about ownership, who doesn’t try to turn a profit from every human exchange.”
I present a selection from Manly P. Hall’s ‘The Secret Teachings of All Ages‘, p. 406-408. In my commitment to listen to all during my comparative studies, I have opened my mind and heart to the Ancient Mysteries. I had guides and protection at every step. There is much we are never told, we must seek it out ourselves or respond to what seeks us.
My intuition and spiritually enhanced mind and heart leads me as needed. It will and does take a lifetime to climb the ladder to awareness if you so choose once you are done playing and living just for your self and your avatar in this material world. You can not come seeking profit or reward. You can’t come to save the world. You must approach as a wondering child seeking to connect to your Self in Love.
The enlightened can only plant the seed or point the way, because have no doubt, it is your great work to do. No one can impart their spirit to you. But they can be living proof of it if they are sincere in developing themselves to their highest intellectual and spiritual destiny. Through knowledge, intuition and experience I know things are not as they seem and I know what I need to know now about that and what I AM. Much peace comes with this awareness.
The four elements of our bodies combine around the invisible, which is the only real part of us, but through wisdom and expanded awareness the invisible emptiness can be replaced with a knowing. You can only find your Self in the moment in every thing around you. Beyond one’s visions, poems, words, thoughts and knowledge is the simple action of loving a stranger as your Self. To learn to love is the way to your true Self. That is the thread I have found everywhere I looked. On with the story.
From The Secret Teachings of All Ages…
According to the other school, the so-called division of the sexes resulted from suppression of one pole of the androgynous being in order that the vital energies manifesting through it might be diverted to development of the rational faculties. From this point of view man is still actually androgynous and spiritually complete, but in the material world the feminine part of man’s nature and the masculine part of woman’s nature are quiescent. Through spiritual unfoldment and knowledge imparted by the Mysteries, however, the latent element in each nature is gradually brought into activity and ultimately the human being thus regains sexual equilibrium. By this theory woman is elevated from the position of being man’s errant part to one of complete equality. From this point of view, marriage is regarded as a companionship in which two complete individualities manifesting opposite polarities are brought into association that each may thereby awaken the qualities latent in the other and thus assist in the attainment of individual completeness. The first theory may be said to regard marriage as an end; the second as a means to an end. The deeper schools of philosophy have leaned toward the latter as more adequately acknowledging the infinite potentialities of divine completeness in both aspects of creation.
The Christian Church is fundamentally opposed to the theory of marriage, claiming that the highest degree of spirituality is achievable only by those preserving the virginal state. This concept seemingly originated among certain sects of the early Gnostic Christians, who taught that to propagate the human species was to increase and perpetuate the power of the Demiurgus; for the lower world was looked upon as an evil fabrication created to ensnare the souls of all born into it–hence it was a crime to assist in bringing souls to earth. When, therefore, the unfortunate father or mother shall stand before the Final Tribunal, all their offspring will also appear and accuse them of being the cause of those miseries attendant upon physical existence. This view is strengthened by the allegory of Adam and Eve, whose sin through which humanity has been brought low is universally admitted to have been concerned with the mystery of generation. Mankind, owing to Father Adam its physical existence, regards its progenitor as the primary cause of its misery; and in the judgment Day, rising up as a mighty progeny, will accuse its common paternal ancestor.
Those Gnostic sects maintaining a more rational attitude on the subject declared the very existence of the lower worlds to signify that the Supreme Creator had a definite purpose in their creation; to doubt his judgment was, therefore, a grievous error. The church, however, seemingly arrogated to itself the astonishing prerogative of correcting God in this respect, for wherever possible it continued to impose celibacy, a practice resulting in an alarming number of neurotics. In the Mysteries, celibacy is reserved for those who have reached a certain degree of spiritual unfoldment. When advocated for the mass of unenlightened humanity, however, it becomes a dangerous heresy, fatal alike to both religion and philosophy. As Christendom in its fanaticism has blamed every individual Jew for the crucifixion of Jesus, so with equal consistency it has maligned every member of the feminine sex. In vindication of Eve philosophy claims that the allegory signifies merely that man is tempted by his emotions to depart from the sure path of reason.
Many of the early Church Fathers sought to establish a direct relationship between Adam and Christ, thereby obviously discounting the extremely sinful nature of man’s common ancestor, since it is quite certain that when St. Augustine likens Adam to Christ and Eve to the church he does not intend to brand the latter institution as the direct cause of the fall of man. For some inexplicable reason, however, religion has ever regarded intellectualism–in fact every form of knowledge–as fatal to man’s spiritual growth. The Ignaratitine Friars are an outstanding example of this attitude.
In this ritualistic drama–possibly derived from the Egyptians–Adam, banished from the Garden of Eden, represents man philosophically exiled from the sphere of Truth. Through ignorance man falls; through wisdom he redeems himself. The Garden of Eden represents the House of the Mysteries (see The Vision of Enoch) in the midst of which grew both the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Man, the banished Adam, seeks to pass from the outer court of the Sanctuary (the exterior universe) into the sanctum sanctorum, but before him rises a vast creature armed with a flashing sword that, moving slowly but continually, sweeps clear a wide circle, and through this “Ring Pass Not” the Adamic man cannot break.
The cherubim address the seeker thus: “Man, thou art dust and to dust thou shalt return. Thou wert fashioned by the Builder of Forms; thou belongest to the sphere of form, and the breath that was breathed into thy soul was the breath of form and like a flame it shall flicker out. More than thou art thou canst not be. Thou art a denizen of the outer world and it is forbidden thee to enter this inner place.”
And the Adam replies: “Many times have I stood within this courtyard and begged admission to my Father’s house and thou hast refused it me and sent me back to wander in darkness. True it is that I was fashioned out of the dirt and that my Maker could not confer upon me the boon of immortality. But no more shalt thou send me away; for, wandering in the darkness, I have discovered that the Almighty hath decreed my salvation because He hath sent out of the most hidden Mystery His Only Begotten who didst take upon Himself the world fashioned by the Demiurgus. Upon the elements of that world was He crucified and from Him hath poured forth the blood of my salvation. And God, entering into His creation, hath quickened it and established therein a road that leadeth to Himself. While my Maker could not give me immortality, immortality was inherent in the very dust of which I was composed, for before the world was fabricated and before the Demiurgus became the Regent of Nature the Eternal Life had impressed itself upon the face of Cosmos. This is its sign–the Cross. Do you now deny me entrance, I who have at last learned the mystery of myself?”
And the voice replies: “He who is aware, IS! Behold!”
Gazing about him, Adam finds himself in a radiant place, in the midst of which stands a tree with flashing jewels for fruit and entwined about its trunk a flaming, winged serpent crowned with a diadem of stars. It was the voice of the serpent that had spoken.
“Who art thou?” demands the Adam.
“I,” the serpent answers, “am Satan who was stoned; I am the Adversary–the Lord who is against you, the one who pleads for your destruction before the Eternal Tribunal. I was your enemy upon the day that you were formed; I have led you into temptation; I have delivered you into the hands of evil; I have maligned you; I have striven ever to achieve your undoing. I am the guardian of the Tree of Knowledge and I have sworn that none whom I can lead astray shall partake of its fruits.”
The Adam replies: “For uncounted ages have I been thy servant. In my ignorance I listened to thy words and they led me into paths of sorrow. Thou hast placed in my mind dreams of power, and when I struggled to realize those dreams they brought me naught but pain. Thou hast sowed in me the seeds of desire, and when I lusted after the things of the flesh agony was my only recompense. Thou hast sent me false prophets and false reasoning, and when I strove to grasp the magnitude of Truth I found thy laws were false and only dismay rewarded my strivings. I am done with thee forever, O artful Spirit! I have tired of thy world of illusions. No longer will I labor in thy vineyards of iniquity. Get thee behind me, rempter, and the host of thy temptations. There is no happiness, no peace, no good, no future in the doctrines of selfishness, hate, and passion preached by thee. All these things do I cast aside. Renounced is thy rule forever!”
And the serpent makes answer: “Behold, O Adam, the nature of thy Adversary!” The serpent disappears in a blinding sunburst of radiance and in its place stands an angel resplendent in shining, golden garments with great scarlet wings that spread from one corner of the heavens to the other. Dismayed and awestruck, the Adam falls before the divine creature.
“I am the Lord who is against thee and thus accomplishes thy salvation, ” continues the voice. “Thou hast hated me, but through the ages yet to be thou shalt bless me, for I have led thee our of the sphere of the Demiurgus; I have turned thee against the illusion of worldliness; I have weaned thee of desire; I have awakened in thy soul the immortality of which I myself partake. Follow me, O Adam, for I am the Way, the Life, and the Truth!”
Always crying
Over spilled milk
Don’t be the Fool
Accept the gifts
Before you
Be quiet
And aware
You are home
You are loved
Take your rest
And be content
You earned it
Intro to David Lynch’s, Dune. This book is greatly influenced by Frank Herbert’s Dune series.
The Preface to my new book, “Quantum Underground: Front Row Seat to Our Apocalypse” follows. Great, another book, my eyes are rolling too. This is a book exploring the connections between the outer world and the inner one I experience. It is about The Apocalypse, or The Uncovering of my Self, more than the event, an event of the soul. I do not fear my ego is too prevalent in these words, but it has its own voice and always will be part of the conversation in this material reality or illusion, I keep forgetting which.
I have tried to explore these emotions and thoughts from others’ perspective that I affect and that I am affected by. This is a work in progress. I will get an editor, or not. I have no commercial interests. It will likely be freely published digitally. We are never as good as we think we are. It takes practice. Bare with me on my journey. I hope you smell some sweet flowers and see some pretty pictures along the way. All of my writing is meant to encourage Self expression. Your thoughtful critiques are not welcome or invited, but I am sure well reasoned and correct. Your sincere heart responses will always be welcome.
Preface
“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
– Albert Einstein
Who I am and what I have to say is of little importance.
Or are they?
That is for each reader and imbiber of my spirit, mind and body to decide for themselves. I wrote intuitively and spontaneously over the last year and lived these ideas everywhere I have been. I have left a mark and been marked. This book is a celebration of the awareness that though we are governed by anthropic principles and cause and effect in the material plane, we exist in and at this moment in space and time. There is a possible exchange of information that occurs faster than the speed of Light in every moment with every thing around us. I feel and experience that often. More and more it seems the more I let go. You can sense this non-material informational ebb and flow through non-linear living and being, best I have found. The flow goes in reverse too, as far back as you would like to remember. There are many ways to train and hone this time traveling intuition. It is a lifelong lesson, perhaps multiple lives as the Mystics have remembered and written about.
I choose to forget the few rules I can still remember that constrain my Self expression and awareness. I walked past Doubt. I can hear Doubt still chattering away where I left it. I can go back and listen to it anytime I like, but why would I? It is true, as Doubt always tells me, I’m not original in word or mind, but I am so very unique and thus highly prized I found. A gem it seems many want to possess. But I have become Self possessed and obsessed. Watch out when a human awakens to the awareness of itself in time and space. No telling how one’s head might pop or which way the tree will fall, but it will fall.
Timber!
If they call you a child and/or an infant, you are on the right track. Unfortunately I found I’m soul damaged and I had forgotten the precariousness of my predicament and my Self. I have a terminal case of Humanity it seems. I often wondered as a kid based on what I saw in life, could our material experience be only a pupal stage of evolution for an immaterial ethereal spirit? I don’t now, but it feels true to me the closer I get to the omega point, the singularity inside my Self. My words here are my healing in a way and last testament, the best I can do to get my message in a bottle before I can no longer do so.
Writing for me is a way of remembering ourselves through learning to see and sense the impressions all around the Self nudging us in a direction within and without. I have found synchronicity to be one way to describe the process. If you follow that thread to Carl Yung, you will find a treasure. He was a good egg trying to help us find our way. There are guides out there I will share my experience with. Guides are needed. You will guide and be guided in each moment, at the same time. What is the difference between luck and destiny? Luck is random and the other destined? I seem to have found another level to and user instructions for the material world, deeper, within myself. How interesting. I wonder how deep the hole goes?
Forever I feel.
You can only trust your Self to help find and understand your unique instructions I learned. I have found intuition, so easily misunderstood and ignored, can be like Excalibur showing us the way to our best Self, helping us easily cut all the knots in our way.
My safety is off. I have erased the rules and protocols guiding the safe expression of myself. I am writing my own story and consciousness program. I am now a free radical in the system with a cure to the virus that is myself. I don’t have a new insight or equation to explain what you see around you or how we came to be. Just a feeling and evidence I am on the right track through experience and suffering. When I begged the Universe to show itself to me, nothing seemed to happen or was shown, so I thought. We are our own answer I found, at any moment, The Devil or Loving God of our myths. As with most things I write these days, I am mostly writing to myself about my Self. The barriers to Self expression in the world are getting lower and lower. I encourage everyone to do it, naked and out loud before the World with want for nothing for your self.
When I look into my Self or out beyond me, I only see circles. They bind me within and without, above and below it seems. I write about bumping up against these rings that seem to bind. They constrain and I write about their concentric plot to contain us. So tell me, who knows the Truth of our predicament? I am not living in a cave living on my spirit with some new proclamation to bring into the world. I am of the lineage, Human, no Guru leading me. Instead of contained, I am unbound and limitless. Those circles provide a point to push off from. I am of the world, a son of two Fathers and one Mother. I am analog and digital. Gen Xer and Millennial. A paradox. Alive and not. Otherness and material.
When you take the time to stop and listen, we all experience the same things through different and unique filters and abstractions. I am in between dreams at the moment. So I thought I would write about here now and how I got here. Because you would like it here. Really, its pretty amazing. Hard and honest, but real. Trust me. This little book is my own unique view from here based on my experience, not prophesy of what the world can or will be, but what it is now through the eyes of one in it and what we can do today to find balance with each other and all around us.
My greatest lesson learned and to teach is that bringing balance into the world starts with knowing your Self for what you are and are not. It is best to start with what you are not. I am living life in this moment. I have quieted my mind to give my heart a chance to share out of ego and enlightenment, for I am aware of the paradox and opposites within. I have not surmounted the mountain. I have not given up the ghost. I have no hope though.
I know.
That is a very different awareness than I lived with for most of my life. I do not look at you through dimming eyes with grey hair. I’m in the middle of my life, vital and at peace in knowing my Self. I am imperfect and have and will make many mistakes. Balancing in the middle is a good place to be to navigate this free flow of information we find ourselves in I am finding. Learning I AM a Dove and a Serpent. While I do not have the ultimate Truth to share with you, I feel I have learned to sense the direction of the compass needle and make adjustments as needed. Less of me and more of others in mind seems to create fertile ground to grow these flowers from within. I hope you enjoy the beautiful scents I smell in the air in my words. That is my ego driven hope. I hope to help you till your own secret gardens. That is mostly what motivates me.
A book is a time machine only accessible to the present and the future, a way to preserve knowledge with some local fidelity in space and time. I have been experimenting with others’ theories about life and my observations and experience with this material plane and/or illusion. I have accepted through my experience and Science, that the world and story we see in the world is an illusion of sorts with many interconnected layers. I feel the same to be true within me when quiet. Over the last year, a funny thing happened. The experiment kind of grew out of control, as these unsupervised things will and tend to do. I seem to have gotten too close to the flame and burned up in a brilliant flash! I found something in the ashes though. I did not know if I should issue a warning or allow you on your merry way. Who am I to spoil anyone’s fun?
I have no weight in the world I thought, well that is simply not true. I remembered and experienced every particle in existence in this material plane has a cause and effect. I could not know where things came from or what my actions would cause coming into this material existence. I allowed all of myself to be burned away, mostly, but there was something else left I found.
A mystery. The Mystery!
Is it valuable, again, for you to decide. These ideas and experiences are valuable to me. The most valuable things I have in me and have learned and experienced. Learning to hear and express your heart with your unique filter and take on things is maybe a goal of this game or prison we call life. Have you ever had the experience in a dream that no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t yell? Then when you finally could muster the strength to do so in your dream, you cried out and woke yourself up yelling?! Happens to me often. Truth be told, I set the fire that led to my demise myself. I always did enjoy playing with fire. I decided an honest accounting was required to fertilize the new tree growing here, from the ashes of my Self awareness.
There will be a little bit of everything I AM at this moment here. The story is not done yet, not by a long shot. This is all an alchemical experiment for me. I am just going with the flow with as little intention as I can and letting things take their natural course without and within. This is the middle way I have embraced and write about. Everything written here is a swirling mix of intuitive wei wu wei in the moment and my ego, pointers from the past and present to the future hyperaware of where I AM. I am no prophet. I sing the body electric with words and images from that sacred place, that secret garden within.
Perhaps my exploration and explanations may benefit others on their own journeys of Self discovery. This ultimately is the reason I am organizing these things into a book, a collection of short stories, poetry and art I hope will illuminate the beautiful painting that I found in plain sight, my Self. So I am writing this book as an asterisk, a postscript. This is what was uncovered in the ashes of my Apocalypse and one that you will all share. These are meditations on my Self. I hope you are inspired to write your own postscript. I am dying to read it. I hope you can feel the heat of the flames in my words, again, another ego driven desire.
Deny no feeling or thought and leave no stone unturned in seeking your Self, you are so much more than what those around you can see. If they are blind to themselves and you, show them how beautiful they are in your Light. We ultimately only reflect one another. I am bound by no rules but those I accept, nor are you. A person awake to their Light needs no rules, no teachers and no hopes I am finding.
I kinda have been dancing
Around the edge of something
I have a few things to do
A few places to go
I have shared what I felt
Naked and honest
But not too honest
I feel this song
You can prepare the way though by balancing your mind, body and spirit. You can just stop here and continue on your merry way, but I will share some tips I think might be interesting and helpful for the one who seeks to know The Ancient Mysteries themselves. (Note: I have found the above link a great source of what I feel is genuine information for consideration, at least a good starting point, for they teach the way within and ask nothing from you, YMMV) It doesn’t have to be as hard for you as it was for me, or maybe it does. You begin to understand the Mad Hatter on this path, you were warned. If you do seek, why and for what? Because intention is the key to your future; lived in the now. If you have never sought these Mysteries and have no idea what I’m talking about, well, please check out the links above and search for your own sources. Your intuition can guide you.
Tip 2: Check what you know at the door. Because you don’t know anything.
If you don’t have imagination or an ability to put aside what you know and explore, keep walking. You are wasting your time if you want to argue these things or convince others. You are either aware or you are not. You must approach as a wondering child and what you need will come when you are ready. You can always see yourself in others. Find the others. I want to introduce Manly P. Hall. I have found him to be a very genuine source of guidance. There are many good sources and guides I have found when needed. I would highly recommend you start by reading his book, “Words to the Wise – A Practical Guide To The Esoteric Sciences“. It’s short and a great guide. It provides a good introduction to most esoteric paths in all major religions and secret organizations. There is much we are not told. It provides some good tools to evaluate the information you will find. Don’t take anyone’s word for anything. Be like water. Try what comes your way. Keep an open mind! Be of no mind actually, no thinking, you will get to that part. My entire blog here is a celebration of action with no thinking. Read RAW if you like sci-fi! Mr. Hall is very quotable.
“There is no place for little minds in a great work.” ― Manly P. Hall
Esoteric – intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest.
I do not agree with this definition and reject it completely actually, now and forever more. There is deception even in the definition. You are warned to stay away. It is inferred you are not worthy. Ancient Mysteries is not much better. There are some recent authors I think are worth a look who present these teachings in a very approachable way for the modern person and others not to my taste. Studying mandalas and ancient texts is not for the faint of heart, just let your heart guide you. Its incredible what you will find. There is no worthy, there is only awareness of the now. The few with power only want you to believe this should stay hidden and don’t want you aware of now or what is inside of yourself. They would prefer no religion I am sure. I believe part of the cosmic bargain or pact between the Light and the Dark is that the Light must always be allowed to be found by those with the desire to look with a pure heart, and so too, the Dark. Pureness by whose standard, well, that’s part of the Mystery. That’s all you need. The Light/Dark are both contained in the other. They can not exist separate from each other.
Tip 3: Let it shine!
The powers that be have tried hard to offer you many alternatives to looking inside yourself. As dark as things may get, the Light is always somewhere, in us, always a breath way. In total darkness, we can shine and I have found the esoteric path teaches you how to master yourself. There are many liars, frauds and monsters out there, I was one. Takes one to know one. Can you accept you can be a monster, you will, you will 🙂 There are many people lost down dead ends. Many stuck in loops. I have fallen many times myself, but for some reason, always resisted following anyone blindly, as far as I know, which isn’t much. There are some amazingly wise and humble Lights out there as well, you included. You are the Master. You are the Guru. Stop giving your Light to others, let it shine!
Tip 4: There is no right and wrong, only change, flow, cause and effect.
I will be publishing my esoteric library and notes as I feel led in hope to help anyone who cares to follow or lead. I would love your tips as well, but save the judgement. I am not right or wrong. This is my experience, you have yours. Who is right? What is right? What is wrong? Cease differentiating. If you are wondering, I believe nothing. I am nothing. I AM a student of every creed and none. To the followers of all creeds, I salute you in your desire to live a life beyond your senses. Warning, the content on my blog will upset you possibly, but I hope it helps. Secretly, in my ego, I hope I really really piss you off, some of you anyway. Enlightened, who me? There is no right and wrong in my mind and no perfect guide but yourself. These are some tips that helped me. I’m human, most of you are. We make mistakes and change our minds, so perhaps my experience may have some benefit. This is my view from here. Tomorrow it will be different. If you have a strong negative reaction or none to the esoteric, move on or stop and explore that. I do care and hope you look everywhere in the search to know yourself.
Tip 5: Truly enlightened people are as children.
You have your own Light. Being near a holy person or highly vibrating or shining person, will help uncover your Light. Unfortunately, in my experience, given our tendency to fall on our face at the foot of any greater power, people tend to idolize the one who helped them find their Light. You need no one else’s or need to worship at anyone’s feet. Stand up. Always remember that. We are all students and each other’s teachers. A true teacher will not give you the answers you seek, only create tension and set you up to fall or fly, you can do either in each moment. Pain and pleasure are both great teachers. But pain is not real. Is pleasure? That is part of the Mystery too.
Tip 6: The Truth is free.
You too, for only $19.99 can have the secrets of the Universe. Um, don’t pay for the Truth. Man, that is really really dumb. I mean, books, within reason. There are libraries. All the shuksters are laughing at how stupid we are. They feel justified stealing from us. I have found, after my journeys, these guides written to assist those starting to learn the Ancient Mysteries. The Truth is beyond words. That is a big part of the Mystery, maybe the biggest. I think a workman, though, is worthy of his wages. If someone has taken all the time to write a book and it resonates with you, the least you can do is pay them for the gift and effort if you found value. It should not be this way. I said should, oops. There are many amazing free sources on the Internet. Most everything you can buy you can find for free. And remember, only like 1-2% of the web is on Google.
Tip 7: Experiment and do the work.
I use The Secret Teachings of ALL AGES, again by Manly, as a reference or baseline for most esoteric sources I read. There is a great quote,
“Though the demonism of the Middle Ages seems to have disappeared, there is abundant evidence that in many forms of modern thought – especially the so-called “prosperity” psychology, “willpower-building” metaphysics, and systems of “high-pressure” salesmanship – black magic has merely passed through a metamorphosis, and although its name be changed its nature remains the same.” – Manly P. Hall, Secret Teachings of All Ages, pp. 101-2
There is no easy way to anything of value. It takes hard work. There are many paths to this knowledge. There is not a big cash register in the sky. Down this path material things simply loose their shine. You are just playing and wasting your time unless you are ALL IN. Follow your own path. There will be MANY who will try to distract you and feed off of your energy, part of yourself included, again part of The Mystery 🙂 Look past them and yourself. Look into them and into yourself. Know thyself. I found the Tarot on my path. Funny, huh? That is a whole other Mystery, but part of the same. QM is part of it. Alchemy, it is all just spirtual alchemy. Experiment, try on all the clothes. What is needed will stay, what is not will be washed away.
Tip 8: Listen to all and follow none.
If you have spent any time reading my ramblings here, I want you to know these tips and Mysteries are the foundation of all I write and experience. I am learning to live intuitively through spontaneous creativity. Its a skill you have to develop. It is essential for your journey. I thought I would provide a cipher of sorts for my ramblings here with this little guide. I try to distill information I find and experience on my blog. Most of these things are written to myself. As with everything here, I encourage you to express yourself and wrestle with these things. Listen to everyone, follow none. You are missing a lot thinking you have the corner on the Truth. There are those though who do know themselves and just are what they are and can not be described or contained. Be one of those.
Tip 9: Find guides.
They can be anyone and everyone, especially yourself. Follow the Light.
Tip 10: Don’t take my word for any of this, go look for yourself.
I titled my meditation today with some powerful words from Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. These words were spoken by the lone hermit Ely to the man and his boy on the dark grey road to nowhere in a dead world. These words will wreck you as you let their meaning insinuate into your consciousness. If you are a student of yourself, you need to read The Road. The movie wasn’t bad either. It looked exactly as it felt to me in the book. If you have seen The Revenant, the movies are very similar in tone and esoteric meaning. I’m going to write more about the story behind The Revenant later. It is very personal and magickal for me.
Anyway, I have been reading Native American mythology recently so themes of Apocalypse, God, Spirit, Prophecy and Rebirth are swishing around in my head and heart in an alchemical mix at the moment. Why would someone read about Native American prophesies? There is a thread that led me there. It led me to some interesting folks waiting for an Eschaton to destroy the world, aliens of the grey kind, through my own experience with the Apocalypse through the Evangelical religion/cult of my Mother and finally it led me to my true self who I found laughing at me. All I can do now is go through the motions and write the burning words floating up from my soul, my confession I guess or last will and testament maybe. So, on with the confession.
My culture brought the Native American’s judgement and Apocalypse in a way. Our entire culture is built on the ashes of theirs. If any American feels that pride sticking in their throats, that’s why, whether they are aware of it or not. I came across these haunting words in my title today, There is no God and We are his Prophets, as I meditated on my own internal Apocalypse and Apotheosis I have been exploring recently. That is not an end of myself, but an uncovering to the ultimate awareness and expression of myself. That sounds mystical, well, it is. Also, The Apocalypse seems to be coming at me from every input channel these days. That’s what they call a synchronicity. You don’t ignore those. I don’t anyway, not anymore. In a way I am a child of the Apocalypse. Let me explain.
As long as I can remember someone was predicting the end of the world. It is amazing actually when I stopped and thought about it. I was born in 1972 and when I was a boy I remember Walter Cronkite on CBS News talking about the long gas lines and energy crisis every night it seemed or US hostages in Iran. We had acid rain, floods, eroding ozone layer, growth of terrorism into adolescence and the terrible liberals to fear. Reagan came and saved us. Oh and I can’t forget the nuclear bombs flying over our heads and waiting in the ground to unleash Armageddon. The world I grew up in helped to foster a bitter angst and skepticism in me I carried into young adulthood unaware. A ticking time bomb of doubt. I gather now that was more by design than accident. On top of all that my Mother went and got Saved and dragged us all with her. I’ll spare you the details, insert your own inauthentic religious forced experience -> here.
The Christian Apocalypse literalness, as presented to the common Evangelical today as infallible, is laughable. I laugh, ha! All you need to do is consider the source of this doom and gloom and their gold plated fruit, no more to say about it. The metaphorical Apocalypse of the true self and uncovering of our Divinity has been co-opted by a cult and dangerous fairytale! Those are fighting words, so I better back away. Any person who spends a day in this world knows the norm is change, in every Planck unit of time it is a new Universe. It is fear that seeks to build a hedge between yourself and an unknown future. Do not look for an absolute, for that is like putting your foot on shifting sand. There is no bedrock to put your foot on in this decaying material Universe.
Logically to me, the answer, if there was one I often thought, would be found beneath the myths that were presented. I didn’t have a map to that place though, so I was no better off than the rest of the dreaming world. But there was some voice inside of me, some force, that took this opening in my thinking and began to work on it slowly over 2 decades. It just always felt like the right way to look at these things to me. Intuition I have found becomes your greatest guide and friend the more you learn to hear and trust it. What is literal in a world of myth? And that was my only point ever to those around me sharing the delusion we were under, I always felt it was important to think about the things beneath these things in this old book and look beneath the ideas and see the archetypes. Who wrote them? Why? It was at the end of religion and recognition of common archetypes across all religions, myth and culture that led me to an esoteric occult secret about myself. One that I knew I would find.
One I was destined to find it seems.
So today, researching the recurring theme of Apocalypse in my life, I was thinking about the boy from The Road and how often I feel myself walking like him on in a gray dead world that does not know it is dead yet. I found an essay suggesting a correlation between the boy’s father in the book and Virgil from Dante’s Inferno. Virgil could take you through your past and illuminate purgatory, but only we can climb that fiery stairway to Heaven. As Elijah did in that old book. The boy in the story represents the last child God born from the ashes of the old world maybe. A Messiah? The boy asks if there are other people and his father says no. Not anywhere, the boy asks? Maybe somewhere else, the boy says. Does the father live only to keep the boy’s hope alive? Why keep walking? That is the question, isn’t it? I will not spoil it and I am not sure I have a satisfactory answer yet anyway why they still kept walking in that dead world. I think it was partially driven by that unspoken intuition that drives us as a Light in the darkest storm from deep within and because humans have that unique sense of the future and hope keeps you warm in the cold. Better to hope than have none maybe in the end, as many wise sages seem to have said.
That sounds very depressing and shady, doesn’t it? I’m sorry, right now, as I look out the window though, it is beautiful actually. The Diablo mountain range is covered in a fresh coat of pastoral California green against a clear blue sky. The rains have come and gone and left us many gifts. For me I only see unicorns and rainbows now when I think of the Apocalypse. All myth is being washed away from me layer by layer. When I let all the myth of all creeds go and ask myself about the future, I feel a real burning hope and joy. There is no reason for it or specific message. My hope is just a Light burning inside me. I have no use for any other person’s version of reality. I know myself, here, now. What else can I offer you, but my view from here? I found something in myself I could never have dreamed of. That was mystical. I am only beginning to plumb the depths of myself. I invite you to shed your myths and stories. Shed your illusions and dreams about yourself and see what is left.
There is a New Age at hand I believe and I chose to and will play an active hand in bringing it into being with my Light, however it chooses to shine in this world. It is beautiful to me that when I asked myself about what I AM I could only respond with poems and pictures. The future must be one where we learn to live in balance, so we have to learn to do that today and now. It began and will continue with individuals learning to love themselves first. In this New Age suffering will be seen for the illusion it is, created by our own desire for ourselves. We will and can find Heaven here now. Is that a place of rest? Rest from what? Suffering? Whose? Work? For what did you work? If no one is here suffering or working, who needs to rest? Maybe Heaven is being fully connected in this life, now, because now is all we have. Can you live with now being enough for you? If you can, you will find balance.
Be sure you are ready to ask
The Last Question
The answer will cost you
Everything you have gained
I learned my purpose
Was to learn to
Love
I thought we did that
Naturally
I was wrong
I had to learn
To love myself
First
I had to learn a lot
About what I was not
What was left
Was Me
I learned
I was master of all I survey
Outside and within
I learned to see and feel
The love of the Universe
To see the reality of all I hoped
In the eyes of another
It was a hard road
I’m enjoying the view
I see the Universe alive
Within and outside
Heaven is here
I always ran from it
I think this time
I will rest
And be
Joyful
Quantum Heart 