How to Be a Loser

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”

—Henry David Thoreau

This begins my master class on how best to apply philsophy. Henry spent a long time in the woods, he went a little crazy. Bodhidharma stared at a wall for years. Cold Mountain lived on a cold mountain. Diogenes lived in a wine barrel. What do most of us do?

Consume and get fat and die of rich person diseases, most without a positive balance in their checking accounts, how absolutely ironic and funny.

Give up the ghost, you are already dead.

Let’s start there, you are a goner. You are not going to win life. Your purpose isn’t to be free or have a happy life or be rich or poor, it’s to spread your DNA and die, to be consumed, to allow the next wave of being.

But let me tell you something, this is the doorway to joy, to Eden.

Failure is freedom!

I feel most folks are utterly asleep and full of 💩 There, I said it. We live in a fishbowl full of turds. I don’t want to be a winner. I don’t want fame or riches. I ain’t gonna start a YouTube channel or TikTok. I mean, I have a YouTube channel that gets 1-100 likes mostly per post. No one likes what I like really and that’s just fine by me.

“The straightforward and good person should be like a smelly goat— you know when they are in the room with you.”

—Marcus Aurelius

I’m weird, a misanthrope, a smelly 🐐 but I love life on this little blue marble, I really do. So I ain’t all bad. Hell is other people Sarte mused and he was close, what he should have said is, hell is yourself, enjoy your stay.

I was one of the walking dead 💀 how did I find my groove, I failed and failed and failed. I became a bum. I wrote my heart. I puked my guts out. I read broadly and saw I was just another bastard. Welcome to the party.

The funniest thing, once you finally embrace the above and stomp around and splash in it, a funny thing happens, people hear you and see you. Your worst fears realized. They want your freedom. Some hate you for it, others sit at your feet.

Well, I don’t have anything to offer the little birds but a kick in the ass out of my nice comfy nest.

There you go, that’s lesson one in how to be a loser.

dirty dishes

there is something in me yearning

wanting to break things

to be free

making connections I can’t imagine

X

a portal…

everything around me seems totally solid one second

the next, it appears to shimmer transparently

like a gossamer dress

something tells me…let go

i want to knock all the pieces off the table 

mix it all up

rearrange things

knock around

be a punk

quit it all and wreck it

build it up again

chaos has a hand on my shoulder

an angel on the other

i feel my whole soul

as the world hurls into chaos

i feel myself moving with it

it feels dangerous 

part of me loves it

another piece is terrified

people collecting awards for acting 

what a con

what a joke

people acting holy and appearing pure 

insides filled with black tar

so many pretty faces 

so much ugly pain

one realizes they have to take the beauty where they can find it

dwell with it 

be in it

will that keep all the tar away

all the uglies 

no, we dwell within the ruins 

i don’t know why I say these things 

why I should feel so split

crazy perhaps 

mad

mad for life

mad for death

mad for LOVE

Silly Musings on Keeping Your Hands Off

“The arising and the elimination of illusion are both illusory. Illusion is not something rooted in Reality; it exists because of your dualistic thinking.

If you will only cease to indulge in opposed concepts such as ‘ordinary’ and ‘Enlightened’, illusion will cease of itself. And then if you still want to destroy it wherever it may be, you will find that there is not a hairsbreadth left of anything on which to lay hold.

This is the meaning of: ‘I will let go with both hands, for then I shall certainly discover the Buddha in my mind’.”

‘The nature of the Mind when understood, No human speech can compass or disclose. Enlightenment is naught to be attained, And he that gains it does not say he knows.’

-Bodhidharma

—from The Zen Teaching of Huang Po

I’ve been studying the early sources of zen, which is the Japanese name and Buddhist/Indian sources. I use the lower case there because what is written is not Zen. You can’t really study Zen on anonymous social media sites. But the discussions can be interesting and revealing of our dualitic thinking.

Anyone claiming truth is making a power play.

No word can reveal this, silence enshrines it. 

Piercing sensory perception and conceptual thought brings an immediate end to illusion. This is directly seeing and perceiving with the mysterious intuition. This awareness is not exclusive to Zen. Plotinus and Eckart seemed to have come to the same place as the sages. 

Hands off, yes, indeed. 

—-

I think this is where the best art comes from.

Feeling this fire is one aspect, but walking into it is a whole other experience.

Walking into the fire is an act of self immolation, sacrifice and an overcoming of fear and is maybe the only courageous thing we can do.

No longer bound by talent or skill or lack thereof, but truly transcending these. 

I would say walking into the fire is an act of faith as well and opens a portal to nowhere and everywhere.

The raw expression of Jack Kerouac from ‘On the Road’ or the writing of his insane mad friend, Neal Cassady, being western examples.

An enlightened, if sad teacher, Harold Bloom, explored the American Sublime deeply through our literature. I like his thinking on these subjects. He’s a bit too brilliant for me though 😉

Reading Jack Kerouac again and Neal recently and Bloom’s Opus, The Daemon Knows as well as the old zen texts.

Jack and his band of merry fools were maybe Holy Barbarians.

Something in their Barbarian ways speaks deeply to me.

I spent my own wild crazy days on the road. 

Now I just enjoy sitting in the garden. 

But that fire lifts you up at key times and can consume you. 

It is too intense to live in. 

The Open Road somehow feels like a quick path to death. 

How many artists have been destructively consumed by the fire of their passions?

But our deeper passions can save us.

Compare these artistic shooting stars to the sages who lived to 120.

I can’t say one way is better than the other.

But I’m in no hurry to shuffle off this mortal coil. 

https://www.christies.com/features/neal-cassady-long-lost-letter-to-jack-kerouac-comes-to-auction-7393-1.aspx

Blow your horn!

Rage rage rage against the dying of the light.

Love Tears Me Open

I woke up tonight after a dark dream. 

I couldn’t sleep and the Lion told me to offer myself as a lamb to itself. It said it is all that is moving. It told me love kills. To take my small flame I have cultivated and merge it with the only real 🔥 

And I wrote this with some help from my friends…

“Love is like the lion’s tooth.” —W.B. Yeats

I’ll tell you a secret about love
  Life is love and love is life
  A riddle and plainly known

I’ll tell you a secret about love
  You can cultivate your little flame
  But love will kill you when you come close

I’ll tell you a secret about love
  Though love may slay you as a lamb
  You shall be raised up a lion

—smelly goat

“You that come to birth and bring the mysteries, your voice-thunder makes us very happy.  Roar, lion of the heart, and tear me open!” – Rumi

Only now do I realize I have prepared myself as an offering to the Lion. 

The Ruins of Love

Sufi Pt 1 Lyrics…

My secret beloved
Send me a secret message
Give me your soul
Give me your life

Wander like a drifter
Now on a journey

Walk into this fire embrace
Be like a salamander
Come into a source of flame
Fire transmutes to a rosebud

Don’t you know that my thought
Is better than the queen of roses?
Don’t you know my heresy
Is the essence of spirituality?

Then surrender your spirt
Surrender your life
For God I know
That darkness is better than a cage!

Walk into this fire embrace
Be like a salamander
Come into a source of flame
Fire transmutes to a rosebud

Don’t you know that my thought
Is better than the queen of roses?
Don’t you know my heresy
Is the essence of spirituality?

Then surrender your spirt
Surrender your life

For God I know
That darkness is better than a cage!

I know a palace is better than a ruin
And the owl in this world
Loves to live
In the ruins of love

I am always learning how to read better between the lines of language and life. Words are just representations. Of what, is the mystery. They are magick in a way. Evoking and caging sometimes something in us. I’ve practiced Zen now for a bit, this is the essence of Zen, to know our true nature where we are, nothing more, nothing less. 

I know a palace is better than a ruin
And the owl in this world

Loves to live
In the ruins of love

I studied these lyrics a bit years ago and meditated deeply on what is said and not said. I looked into the Sufi path and what they meant by flame and the beloved. I am not trying to be clever here, but I have felt all the deities are within us, drawn to the light/flame, as we are a shadow, a portal to the nameless faceless. The owl, in this world, loves to live in the ruin of love. I choose not to name or make distinctions. The deity is the one who I point at, when I point back at myself. This is cutting to the root. This is going headless. This is directly perceiving beyond words. 

I love Rumi, but I really know Shams, who was behind Rumi. Somehow I feel Shams is close to me and represents my secret beloved. He showed me to let the distinctions go. 

A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, eastern or western…divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”

–Shams Of Tabriz

“The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”

That’s a koan. 

When I listened to this song first, I felt the flame 🔥 inside me leap. Yearning for freedom. I felt it. I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Fire loves water.

Rumi said sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment, that’s got to be one of my favorite written poetic lines.

I think the lyrics point to the freeing of the flame within us, which is always free. This awareness transmutes us, by realizing our lives are not cages, that we are already free. This is the real Alchemy. This returns us to Eden. The world of matter is a ruin in away, a compromise, in between chaos and light.

Somehow it can know itself better in the ruin, but this world is a sham. It is not that the flame 🔥  needs escape, but that it simply is uncovered. 

The water is all around us, love is not the flame, it is the water, which the flame is attracted to. We would think flame fears water, and perhaps it does for awhile, then it seeks to dowse itself in love. When fire loves water, the universe turns differently.

If the bird can get just a glimpse of what is around it and within it, instantly it is transmuted and free. So the body is the cage. 

This awareness does not make me want to fly away, it deepens my connection, Aslan, there is no where else to go, here we are. Allah is clothed by rational thought, occulted by matter, but known through awareness. The lion. In Hebrew, 

Aslan means ‘satan‘ which means ‘lucifer/first light in the morning’ which means ‘daybreak’. The circle is closed around the point, the central sun. Everything is contained within the circle. 

⭕️

I could not always see with my real eyes 👀 I was in a cage. But I embraced the prison and it opened to Eden through my heart, to the point, naked singularity. I can’t show anyone, I can’t really tell anyone, but like knows like. We can point to it. We can sing 🎶  about it. We can dance 💃 around it. Flame 🔥 joins with 🔥 And we embrace water 💧 seemingly a crazy thing for a flame to do, and then the universe turns differently for us.I was withering in my life 10 years ago, dying. But a great wind blew through me. It lifted me high into the air and brought me face to face with the ☀️ Our source, itself only a representation. Like words, all form is just a representation.

 What appeared to trap me, turned to dust and I flew for the first time. 

But I returned, and now I rest here, in the center of it all. I rest in the chaos, in the center of my life. I feel the heat, which is behind all form and I love it, for this is loving and knowing myself. I saw what was behind all esoteric and what was occulted, what was behind all religious and secular symbols.

Where you gonna go?

Where you gonna hide from love?

The morning light dawned inside me. 

I don’t cry anymore.
I’m smiling 😊and laughing with joy.
I feel Aslan within me, laying on the savannah, roaring within. This is the true path to god/love, an ever present connection, it ends where it began, full circle. I drink deeply now from this ocean, I could hardly believe it was real. I was dying because I was thirsting for this love, but terrified of it. This never dies. Anywhere this light breaks into the world, matter forms around it, cults form, religions are born. The matter longs to connect with it or naturally is attracted to it. So we have the planets rotating around the outer sun, as what is inside us rotates around the inner sun.

Bound by gravity. 

Bound together by love. 

Sometimes I do cry 😭 because it is too damn beautiful to contain. 

I weep blood into the dirt through my cries and words.

The birds are returning.

All deity reflects love. 

All deity seeks to free us.

We are only held back through this egoic force. 

In Rumi’s allegories, amongst the free birds, the Owl and the Falcon represent the two primary options once one is freed from the cage. The Owl lives in the dark, far from civilization, only relating with its own kind, whereas the Falcon rests upon the arm of the king, staying close to the power source and maintaining his relations and connection with any and all who venture to the court. The Falcon holds a pure, open vision, flying during the day and returning to his master’s arm at night, while the Owl lives in seclusion, coming out in the dark, lost without the guidance of a master. The Falcon represents a follower who has fallen off track, one who has insight but has pointed it in a skewed direction. Falcon as an exemplary option working in contrast with the Owl who has lost his way after enlightenment.

For Rumi, the last and most powerful bird is the Phoenix, a bird so exquisite it nearly plays the role of God himself. The Phoenix is rare, and when sighted acts as an omen, serving the purpose of reminding humans to stay in awe of God’s power. The Phoenix reminds one to soak up moments with the divine because they may be fleeting and far between. The Phoenix is quite likely an unreal creature and therefore its existence can only rely on faith. The Phoenix reminds us to have faith even when we cannot see it, to hold God close and be open to any help He may have to offer us because He is always there.

The pagan and the religious and secular all experience life differently perhaps but rotate around the same source, are of the same stuff. 

The fire is the force, the purpose, the will, that pushes us through life. 

The bird knows the way back. 

I can’t judge the paths others take in life, but I can see the intensity of the 🔥 within them. I call out to it in others. Tempt them to let it break free, as they tempt me. Passion reminds us of this contact with the unseen, it celebrates it in whatever form it burns. 

All words can provide guidance, but no answers ultimately. I feel that we all must search for the things that we love and feel passionately about and then follow them until death do us part.

I hope all can come to know this freedom.

Wanna Know What I Know

Sweet LOVE

You will have to burn for it

I fooled myself into love
I have passed through
The gates of fire
Into eternal Love

No one can touch it
There is no sympathy here
No secrets
Just incredible radiant

LOVE

In all directions
I could burn in its blue flame

for eternity

I met the Devil in me
The only place to find it
And it took my measure and
It set me on fire when I asked

Why

All I heard was laughing
As I burned in agony
But the flesh needed
To burn away

What a gift that Devil gave me

Freedom

That Devil was Love

You want to know
The meaning of it all

Then burn for it

I dare you

Let it all BURN

Don’t fool yourself

This is not evil

Oh no

This is the secret

No one will tell you

You Must BURN

Snowy Topped Mountain

I don’t make many waves anymore
But lately I been feelin this itch
I can’t explain it
It feels like summer
It feels like winter
It feels like fall
It feels like…springtime
Funny thoughts rise up
Words come
Feelings groove along
They flow and taste bubbly red with sparkles
Sometimes I feel salty tears
Leaking from my eyes
I feel laughter erupting from my lungs
I feel and hear my heart beating
I feel so alive
Something whispers…
This is what a human being is
Don’t forget
But you are not just a human being it whispers
You are an ocean of stars
And all those stars are connected
Each finds their place
I found something it seems
In all this chaos that made it real
I found a love I am not worthy of
I found a golden eyed girl who loves me
She makes me feel like the sky is kissing me
She loved me when I didn’t love myself
Her smile makes me feel stars
Before I found love
I left my head on the road
I left this nation behind
I left my faith on the road
I let my name go
I forgot my face
I lost my family
They turned away from me
They cast out their sweet son and brother
I had a huge wipeout and then two
Then three then the Tao
I felt the force behind the waves
I found this rhythm inside me
Something wonderful
Something so filled with light
All else faded into black
All my doubts just flew away
Like bluebirds
I almost faded into black too
But as my mind was dissolving
And I got all wobbly and such
And began to dissapear
A hand from nowhere reached out
And it steadied me
Then it pointed to this mountain
And I heard on the wind

Go there
Go there
Go there

But there was no path or road
So I made a path
But I got lost so quick
And then I came upon a forest
So dark and deep
It felt like the bluest blue
And like the darkest night
And it seemed like monsters were everywhere
And they were going to eat me
Then something called to me on the wind again

This way
This way
This way

Before I knew it
I was out of the blue woods
Heading toward a snowy topped mountain
The past feels forever ago now
I made friends along the way
I let them see through me
No apologies
Most turned away
But some came close
So close we could almost
See into each other’s hearts
I love to see people become
I really do
I love to see them find their groove
I really do
I was lost once too
Like all the rest
But now wherever I am
I’m never lost
But all those years ago
I was a fool living for nothing
But I found something
I found…no one is true or right
There is no set path
I found…within myself
Deep mystery
Now I have no creed
Now I have no name
But I am a citizen now of a golden city
All of humanity lives there
I don’t remember how I got here
The wind reminds me
This is where all human beings live
Those who were and are and will be
A city my ancestors built
Something sees me now
Where I felt alone before
Now something is here with me
Something lets me know
This journey to the big mountain is worth it
Somehow I know this
Something lets me know
You will not fail again
And I won’t
I won’t quit
I won’t stop
What does it all mean
I wish I could tell you
I wish I could take away
All the pain and doubt
I wish I could make the way clear
But how would that help anyone
I am someone worthy I found
I am someone who will not steal from you
I am someone who will not stab you in the back
I may even show you my flowers
I have not found the mountain yet
But I won’t ever stop trying to get there
I see it a good ways off in the distance still
Let me get back to it
I got some walking to do

—smelly

Cleverness & Wisdom

“The power to change the world lies where it always has.

Not within offices of power, but within ourselves.”

—Theo Ikummaq

From “Epistles to Several Persons: Epistle IV”

“To build, to plant, whatever you intend,
To rear the column, or the arch to bend,
To swell the terrace, or to sink the grot;
In all, let Nature never be forgot.
But treat the goddess like a modest fair,
Nor overdress, nor leave her wholly bare;

Let not each beauty ev’rywhere be spied,
Where half the skill is decently to hide.
He gains all points, who pleasingly confounds,
Surprises, varies, and conceals the bounds.”

—Alexander Pope

Slouching Toward Bethlehem

“Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert.

A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?”

—William Butler Yeats – The Second Coming

—-
No, no one can or wants to take over the world.

Be free knowing there is no end.

Just an uncovering.

That is joyful!

The sky is singing about it.

The earth is groaning for it.

We only destroy the things we want by our grip or live in peace with what we have. 

All of creation wants this technological monster to stop devouring the earth. 

Creation wants man to cease to be termites to the earth. 

The Native Americans say their god has no rules. 

Only ceremonies to know it better. 

That is the true source. 

The true nameless faceless source knows us through the imagination and our emotions and our thoughts.

In fact, your thoughts are its thought. 

In fact, you are one of its thoughts. 

There are many cunning thieves who have given themselves to darkness devouring the weak hearted and minded.

They are playing their parts well. 

To help wake us up.

They give into fear.

Fear not. 

I ride on a pale horse. 

I watch and listen and gather my strength. 

For there is yet a great thing required of me by the highest. 

And I shall gladly give my life so that life may become. 

That is what god calls each of us to. 

To be warriors of the sun and moon. 

If you are quiet and you listen and you see with your real eyes it’s clear as day. 

You can see as Emerson and Whitman and Epictetus.

You will feel the call on you when you let your grip on your life go. 

The veil is thin.

If you are humble and listen, you can see through this false industrial monster we have created and that we all feed. 

It lives on division and hatred and fear.

It probably has a divine purpose as all things light and dark do. 

Whitman saw the rising of the monster in the civil war, he was a prophet of love.

He showed us how to build a boat of love to sail across the turbulent abyss. 

Epictetus gave us a way to master our fear on earth. 

Emerson found a way back to the sky. 

In spite of all the turmoil on earth, there is a clear voice on the wind. 

A call to love.

A call to reunite.

And if we be worthy, to walk the rainbow bridge back to the source of all being. 

What are we to do?

Join our minds and hearts together and know ourselves, remember ourselves. 

All of creation will rise up to help you. 

Know that every word spoken or written or thought are inside you already.

Stop looking to others.

It ain’t in no book or ritual. 

It is sleeping or alive and awake in each of us. 

We only have to accept it and remember it. 

That monster that slouches toward Bethlehem can’t hurt one who knows themselves. 

The goddess sits next to the source, she is no whore.

There is no 1, 2 or 3, there is only One, and we all have a part of it. 

Most live in duality, which is an illusion, nothing is separate.

If you fear, if you are divided, if you divide, you serve chaos, you are the katechon, you will be overcome. 

That was your choice, one of the few you have. 

I don’t believe there is one destiny per one person that is unchangeable. 

Careful though how you approach the gods above, or they may turn you into a smelly goat. 

Each god is just an aspect of this.

There are just great magnetic forces that draw certain elements to them. 

But you can overcome them with the power of Will. 

Maybe all of this is just a way to sort the wheat and the chaff.

To find thoughts that can navigate the darkness without being corrupted. 

So what shall it be?

Fear or love?

For love knows no fear.

I will lead, I do not follow. 

I stand and I care for any bird that shows up on my step.

I won’t go looking for a fight. 

I’ll bide my time and strike when the beast is so close, I feel its hot breath on my neck. 

And then I will drive my blade home, into its black heart.

I know then that light will break forth from it.

I have seen it.  

That monster, is me. 

You are that monster.

It is all our concentrated anger and fear.

That’s what is happening. 

Aleister Crowley and all the great artists are beings of light, connected to their Will and filled with love. 

They are stars and so are we, or have the chance to be.

Love is the law.

Love under Will. 

They have brought us back from the brink of industrial annihilation. 

I will help them. 

The great secret chiefs are alive in us.

We shall meet them in the sky and we will laugh, and will cry no more.