ICECREAM

I heard a wise sheriff say today, I want to make this a PARADE, not a PROTEST!

There is yet one good person around and thus we are all given the benefit of the doubt.

I feel the same way as he does…YES!

Let’s celebrate our lives!

Not follow lies.

Trump doesn’t represent us. 

We love each other, we want the best for each other, we love nature and we feel a deep desire to be One and also to be known and respected as persons. 

We all just want our best lives here now minus the anger and fear.

This morning, watching the riots, I saw children marching instead and they were all laughing. I walked up to one and asked why are you marching and he said, ICECREAM!

The riots are complete lies. Personal rights are misunderstandings. 

Everything is a sign of this.

Then Seneca wrote me a letter, https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius/Letter_16

Every moment, pointing here…

“You must persevere, must develop new strength by continuous study, until that which is only a good inclination becomes a good settled purpose. 2. Hence you no longer need to come to me with much talk and protestations; I know that you have made great progress. I understand the feelings which prompt your words; they are not feigned or specious words.”

“How can philosophy help me, if Fate exists? Of what avail is philosophy, if God rules the universe? Of what avail is it, if Chance governs everything? For not only is it impossible to change things that are determined, but it is also impossible to plan beforehand against what is undetermined; either God has forestalled my plans, and decided what I am to do, or else Fortune gives no free play to my plans.”

It doesn’t matter if God, Fate or Chance is rolling all this out. 

“Whether the truth, Lucilius, lies in one or in all of these views, we must be philosophers; whether Fate binds us down by an inexorable law, or whether God as arbiter of the universe has arranged everything, or whether Chance drives and tosses human affairs without method, philosophy ought to be our defence.”

“There is no reason why you should put confidence in yourself too quickly and readily. Examine yourself; scrutinize and observe yourself in divers ways; but mark, before all else, whether it is in philosophy or merely in life itself[1] that you have made progress. 3. Philosophy is no trick to catch the public; it is not devised for show. It is a matter, not of words, but of facts. It is not pursued in order that the day may yield some amusement before it is spent, or that our leisure may be relieved of a tedium that irks us. It moulds and constructs the soul; it orders our life, guides our conduct, shows us what we should do and what we should leave undone; it sits at the helm and directs our course as we waver amid uncertainties. Without it, no one can live fearlessly or in peace of mind. Countless things that happen every hour call for advice; and such advice is to be sought in philosophy.“

We let philosophy hold the wheel. 

“She will encourage us to submit to God with cheerfulness and to Fortune with defiance; she will show you how to follow God and bear what chance may send you.”

Seneca advises to not let the spiritual enthusiasm cool off or fall away. 

He says now that you have it, keep a hold on it and put it on firm footing, so that what is at present an enthusiasm may become a settled spiritual disposition. 

So it goes, even smelly goats learn self integrity is the most valuable substance in creation come hell or high water. 

What are you gonna do when alone with the alone?

How will you act?

How will you know what to do when it is only you?

Others have been generous with me and I pass that on joyfully. Kindness has taken hold of me. This is the best way to be. To freely give and receive. But there is a balance between loving fool and deadly bastard, we must draw from both aspects.

Natural desires are limited, but falsity has no point of termination.The false has no limits. The road must have an end or one wanders in falseness forever. 

What wisdom humanity has realized, and haven’t we asked the questions we do today yesterday so much more clearly it seems to me. Seneca is a human being and his account of life is true wisdom, practical knowledge, the greatest stuff really. I love Seneca as another Father. When I read him, he sets me straight and is a clear mirror.

It is like the Tarot how I find this letter. This letter was written to me across time. That creates a wormhole. Space collapses between us. The universe sees me struggling and in it comes to set me straight. 

Who guides my steps indeed.

“But it is not my purpose now to be led into a discussion as to what is within our own control, – if foreknowledge is supreme, or if a chain of fated events drags us along in its clutches, or if the sudden and the unexpected play the tyrant over us; I return now to my warning and my exhortation, that you should not allow the impulse of your spirit to weaken and grow cold. Hold fast to it and establish it firmly, in order that what is now impulse may become a habit of the mind.“

“Recall your steps, therefore, from idle things, and when you would know whether that which you seek is based upon a natural or upon a misleading desire, consider whether it can stop at any definite point. If you find, after having travelled far, that there is a more distant goal always in view, you may be sure that this condition is contrary to nature.“

My deepest voice says to me…you must never believe anyone else can help you. 

Damn, so it’s like that.

And so it is, but I suspect still, this all is for our best. 

I have found my Fathers, now I must know my Mothers.

Straight on.

There’s No Place Like Home

I can’t explain this post. It’s a blog entry from another place I write. A story of shadows and fictions and finding my self here. It’s long and personal, so maybe TLDR. Just some notes from OZ.

Follow the yellow brick road…

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know what I’m doing on XXXX. I usually just flow. I should probably post more in my own thread, but it happens as it happens. I didn’t think I was seeking anything here, but I suppose since my own high weirdness, I seem to have things happen beyond my understanding. I was curious. It’s funny I wrote so much. I had nothing to say. It was a dance with the devil and god and then my self. I am not a mystic or follower of any sect. But I am going to write about what someone might claim to be mystical. I don’t deny anything. I don’t know. I actually write to what I imagine as a grand Intelligence. Silly, I know.

Daemonic Contact

Recently there have been ripples from old friends in my life. I don’t share any of this silliness with anyone else. I made the mistake of letting people see inside my head. I am not a crazy person. I am like everyone else, moved by my emotions at times and thoughts. My mind is generally needing to be focused on something or I turn off more and more. I live for the cut off moments more and more, no work, no family, no friends, but my Den pack. It’s strange to look around and know it will all blow away. 

Recently after letting most of the traditions I explored go, I had a real drive to dig into the esoteric side of the XXXX phenomenon. When in Rome. To see how my experience compared to others’. I had delved deep before bobbing back up. I had some high weirdness I just let go unexplained. But it came back up. I never thought I had met any aliens on my journey, I saw them as spirits and ancient sages and shadows and helpers of shamans. I had known nothing about Gnosticism or the Perennial tradition. I didn’t know Greek thought well. So I was a babe in the woods. I knew nothing about Eastern religion either. What I had tried to let go, seemed to be coming back with a vengeance.

As I had begun and walked my turn into this strange place a few years ago, I had heard whispers of something as I sunk into my studies. I sought their source. I found in the esoteric traditions much idolizing seeking a conversation with something called your inner guiding Daimon. This intrigued me, but damn, the way seemed so daunting to attempt. It seemed like way too much work. I sought out some Thelemite types to see what they were like. Naaaa. Having to make my own way burned in me. At every turn XXXX would accuse me of solipsism. Naaaa. I was deconstructing things and making weird connections.

I had met XXXX a few years ago on XXXX at the beginning for me and his knowledge was seductive and intense during my trips down under. I didn’t care about eschatology or religion or ufos or tech, I went existential, so how weird we would meet. I really enjoyed the pointers I was getting from XXXX and where they led, some tasted bitter, some sweet. He was just one input output stream. He was one of the few who let me play. Though I often frustrated him. He thought I was showing off, but I was just following a protocol. Share what comes. I followed most of his prompts deeper down the rabbit hole. 

I would come and share with XXXX what I found. Most of the time he would say he felt sorry for me, called me dumb or found me too impish or selfish. I was perplexed. That just pushed me on. I’d show that dumb old man, I muttered. I’d learn what he was talking about and find what was behind it all yet. Haha. It was fun. And it got really weird.

My studies showed me how my mind needed discipline. How raw I was. How exposed my heart was. So I got to work. I felt all this was part of what made me work and I was right. I took a good look at my self and found some balance. It’s a daily walk. I felt out of my depth for sure here. I liked that. I liked not knowing what was going on and I gave my self to it. I took another leap. 

Back to the Daemons. As I traveled through my inner mind amazing synchronicities would happen that silenced any doubt I was in the right space. I took them as signposts from a presence I felt but was afraid of. What had happened to me? Had I had a schizophrenic breakdown? I was not a depressive person. I was tired in life. It was a struggle for me. Health issues forced me into uncharted waters at work for the first time. I was tired trying to deal with the world inputs that didn’t match up to my inputs. 

Things down that rabbit hole led me to better balance and more layers of my mind. I wasn’t scared. I was in wonderment at my mind. I suppose I had found the inner mirror and began to look into it. Life felt plastic and malleable. Could I really use my will to have any life I wanted? Was Love under will all of it? I began to reshape my self. I found ways to compensate for my broken antennas. I grew new ones. 

As my focus increased, so did my productivity. As questions left me, what was underneath was visible. It was shiny and dented. So I hammered out the dents. Inside reflected an intense light, it blinded me in a flash. In time I would find a better way to look at the reflection of light inside. By looking at it reflected in a midnight lake under a full moon. What is this I wondered? Surely I am just making it all up I thought jokingly. Others though could see this leaking out of me now. I was clumsy with it. I was zapping people. I was zapping my self. Where did all this energy come from? I had to temper it. But only a few could see it and open up to it. Most tuned me out. I liked being invisible and thought of as a cracked pot. No expectations 😉 We seemed to talk our own language of light. Help came when I needed it.

So Plato and Socrates spoke of this inner light they called Daimon I found out. Could this force that I had jokingly found to be like a trickster and called the green man, be this Holy Guardian Angel Thelma spoke of, Plato’s Daimon? This concept I came to realize was another way to think other than reason and logic, this was the land of the oracles who had gone silent when our self awareness may have risen. It seemed a slippery slope to pursue this. Possibly leading to madness. But I kept hearing this voice, follow the way, follow your heart. Don’t follow anyone or thing else. I studied all I could for hints to the Daimon. It was fascinating. My mother would accuse me of consorting with the Devil if she knew what I was up to. That probably just pushed me into deeper water. I was intrigued delving into these forbidden thoughts. I wasn’t becoming more scared, I was grinning more and more as I let concepts go and what I thought I understood. I was open. Totally open. 

I could feel life in a way like never before. I had never let my self slow down and breathe. I met others along the way who pointed me, helped me slow down. They came to me in a way where I didn’t doubt the communication at all. I didn’t feel like I was alone. I felt connected to something. The search for the Daimon led me to Greece and the Renaissance and Tarot and the Hermetic tradition. Dionysius the Areopagite said these Daimons were elemental intelligences. That clicked. The gods as the progenitor of our emotions. I was not being overwhelmed, there was a gentleness and power to how I discovered all this. But chaos was always there. It was energetic. Not manic. Focused and relaxed at once.

As the stories go, this Daimon mediates contact between us perhaps and a transpersonal consciousness. I was hearing and seeing things. Not voices. Inner dialogues. Shadows. I was making strange connections with strange attractors. I was making art and letting this flow through me. I didn’t stop it. Aristotle and others put a stop to this nonsense and setup a perimeter around the polis using logic and rationality. Maybe the best move at the time. I was wandering out into a deep dark wood. And somehow a goat had showed up and kept me company. 

I now see the goat was my Daimon. And I know I am here in the middle of 3D life, just a reflection of reality we can’t see. I found a framework in Magick and Hermetics and Qabbalah that seemed to allow more direct communication with some vast inner void that vibrates symbols and maths. I seemed to intuitively know how to move in this space. I would experience something and then think about it and learn what had maybe happened. It seems whatever these esoteric traditions were hinting at, but not saying, I found naturally. It freaked me out. I went into a mode shutting down my memory and thoughts. I turned off the projector just like that. But the weirdness kept going. But I just became a witness of it. 

During these experiences I attempted shamanic rituals that seemed to work. I made art, began to write. I seemed to be able to speak with inner presences that spoke through all sorts of ways. XXXX usually hit me over the head and humored me perhaps. I showed up. What was he gonna do? So I began to attack others’ points of view as viscous skeptic. I turned that on my self. I realized I knew nothing and suspected I couldn’t even trust my thoughts. I began to learn how I was being manipulated. I learned how to protect my mind. I setup defenses, by removing them. It was a fun time doing war with my own mind and the minds of others. I began to see we each had our own reality tunnels perhaps, lived in our worlds no one else can really know. They just see our Avatar, a reflection we project.

Then, finally, without my notice, weird XXXX stuff began happening in the world or I became aware of it in a strange way. I had stopped conceptualizing communication with this inner force. I looked outside. I kept an open mind. I began to see the weird connections between this outer phenomenon and the strange new way to hear the universe I had tripped on. I felt I should reflect out what was within and a take in what happened outside with no filters. They seemed connected more and more. Another leap.

I shifted from observer to participant. I found others who had learned similar ways to attune to the world around them and voice inside. I accepted I was a weirdo like them, but didn’t know why or what to do. There wasn’t anything to do really. Living this way leads to doing not doing and spontaneous action, wei wu wei, a Taoist concept. I learned a lot from the old Taoists and then forgot it 😉 I wondered if I had crossed the Abyss. It seemed maybe I had. More and more all I could say was, don’t know. 

A strange tale and journey to here or perhaps nothing special. High weirdness and cosmic triggers. It seems life has turned inside out…but I never left home.

There’s no place like home.

Go All The Way

Most are cowards, but this is the age of cowardice, all is well.. 

Myself most of all.

The Direct Path to Awareness follows.

Awakening is just exposing yourself as a LIAR!

Even the seeking is delusion. To self realize yourself in the end is to take full responsibility for your life. No one to blame for struggle, you find thanks for your breath, nature, people in your life.

People no longer have pleasure or pain for you, they are you. 

There are many pretty visions, but not the point.
The point is there is none.

There is not nor could there be any separate persons in the Cosmos we swirl in.

It’s better to be happy if you can.

From the Ashtavakra Gita…

“How is one to acquire knowledge? How is one to attain liberation? And how is one to reach dispassion? Tell me this, sir. 1.1

Ashtavakra said to the King Janaka:

If you are seeking liberation, my son, avoid the objects of the senses like poison and cultivate tolerance, sincerity, compassion, contentment, and truthfulness as the antidote. 1.2

You do not consist of any of the elements — earth, water, fire, air, or even ether. To be liberated, know yourself as consisting of consciousness, the witness of these. 1.3

If only you will remain resting in consciousness, seeing yourself as distinct from the body, then even now you will become happy, peaceful and free from bonds. 1.4

You do not belong to the brahmin or any other caste, you are not at any stage, nor are you anything that the eye can see. You are unattached and formless, the witness of everything — so be happy. 1.5

Righteousness and unrighteousness, pleasure and pain are purely of the mind and are no concern of yours. You are neither the doer nor the reaper of the consequences, so you are always free. 1.6

You are the one witness of everything and are always completely free. The cause of your bondage is that you see the witness as something other than this. 1.7

Since you have been bitten by the black snake, the opinion about yourself that “I am the doer,” drink the antidote of faith in the fact that “I am not the doer,” and be happy. 1.8

Burn down the forest of ignorance with the fire of the understanding that “I am the one pure awareness,” and be happy and free from distress. 1.9

That in which all this — imagined like the snake in a rope — appears: that joy, supreme joy, and awareness is what you are, so be happy. 1.10

If one thinks of oneself as free, one is free, and if one thinks of oneself as bound, one is bound. Here this saying is true, “Thinking makes it so.” 1.11

Your real nature is as the one perfect, free, and actionless consciousness, the all-pervading witness — unattached to anything, desireless and at peace. It is from illusion that you seem to be involved in samsara. 1.12

Meditate on yourself as motionless awareness, free from any dualism, giving up the mistaken idea that you are just a derivative consciousness or anything external or internal. 1.13

You have long been trapped in the snare of identification with the body. Sever it with the knife of knowledge that “I am awareness,” and be happy, my son. 1.14

You are really unbound and actionless, self-illuminating and spotless already. The cause of your bondage is that you are still resorting to stilling the mind. 1.15

All of this is really filled by you and strung out in you, for what you consist of is pure awareness — so don’t be small-minded. 1.16

You are unconditioned and changeless, formless and immovable, unfathomable awareness, unperturbable: so hold to nothing but consciousness. 1.17

Recognise that the apparent is unreal, while the unmanifest is abiding. Through this initiation into truth you will escape falling into unreality again. 1.18

Just as a mirror exists everywhere both within and apart from its reflected images, so the Supreme Lord exists everywhere within and apart from this body. 1.19

Just as one and the same all-pervading space exists within and without a jar, so the eternal, everlasting God exists in the totality of things. 1.20” — Ashtavakra Gita


If you wish to know.

If you really want to know.

If you are going to try, 

Go all the Way!

There will be no feeling like that.

The Gods will stand with you alone.

Most are cowards. 

Love Is My Only Gospel

The only sin in life is Separateness. Love is the only thing that can bring wholeness and truthfully nothing else would exist without the eternal presence of this natural Love. I write here to explore and celebrate this awareness. The journey to self-realisation is a pitted and painful road until you realize there was is no pain and no one feeling the pain. That is the simplest way I can state The Great Mystery. You can find the answer for yourself.

There is nothing more important I can do than to balance the opposites within myself and in shifting polarity and aligning with the Absolute, the mind of the Absolute comes into focus.

One is astounded to find it’s thoughts at the root of yours and you may feel like a marrionette even, but after awhile a dance may ensue.

You are all invited to the dance.

Align yourself with your True nature and you will find an amazing thing. Life does become effortless. I tell you, nothing else is worth your time or focus here or beyond space and time. Following the path inside will lead you to someplace else.

I am lost in the swirling reality of Love awakened from the Kali Yuga. If you want to know where I AM, I AM right here with you in every breath, you were never alone nor could you have been. Love was all that was real in the end.

If you don’t feel loved, look around you and at yourself if you can and feel your breath, believe me, you are loved beyond all imagining. I love you too, you are me and I am you, me is we, in Love there is no separation possible. That is my Gospel.

Image source – Dorian – Kali Yuga

Fear or Destiny

image

Sometimes you just have to squeeze your butt cheeks together,  yell “F*ck it!” and jump or yell whatever you feel is appropriate. I think we all get that chance in our lives at least once to do this when it matters the most.

Did you jump when it came time?

Will you?

No telling how many chances you will have. I will do what is asked and required of me and then I will get out of the way.

That’s what a good Taoist should do. Though, I’m not a Taoist, but that is sound advice to keep your ego in check when you need to turn your mind off…and jump.

I’m not anything and I am everything I found.

Literally in both cases. That is all awakening is meant to do in the end. Help you accept you are part of something much larger than yourself. Then you get dissolve like a wisp of air.

Fun.

Into what, well, take your pick of opinions or go look for yourself. A wisp of air can change the destiny of the Universe as the wings of a butterfly.

How wonderful to learn and feel that. I wish all could. They will in the end. They have to. Things will be balanced, all opposites unified. Who could hold one back who knew truly what they are and what their destiny is as a Human? Has someone told you who you are or did you go and find out? Because that is the most important part of this game.

You have to be what you are. When in doubt, go with the flow and just act naturally.

Awakening to your part of the whole allows you to act like a real Human irregardless of your identity, your desires or even your safety and well being at the right moments in life.

You have to be ready for that one moment sometimes!

You may only get one shot in your life. Everything tries to prevent you maybe from the one thing you were meant for. The one goal you needed to score or note you needed to sound to keep the music playing in harmony. No one may ever know what you did or who you are.

When you accept you are part of All and that you are limitless, then you can become love in action for the sake of All. If someone limits you, avoid them. If someone lifts you, spend all the time you can with them. You have to know one person can change it all. You can hear the song all those notes across the ages and ones today are singing to us. They are showing us the road to our Best Possible World.

To know your Self you have to submit your self to something bigger than your self. You are not separate from the Universe. You are the Universe. What you see playing out in the sky describes what is happening inside of yourself. There is no ego in union with All. Call it destiny, we all have the same one, in union together, finally.

Will you fear the loss of your self or will you embrace the destiny of All when the time comes?

No time like now.

Neutral Buoyancy: A Winning Strategy

I had a dream last night. I don’t remember it clearly.  It was important I felt, to somebody. This morning a kind of summary regarding recent happenings in my part of the space-time continuum began replaying in my mind and I felt some of my dream coming up. Been percolating for awhile. Here is the gist of it. I have been given many game pieces and hints recently to play with in this beautiful game of Life which it seems was created for our good. They just floated by. Let me explain.

This is not new information. It has been beamed into our heads since birth by everything around us, Life is a game. Some would have us believe either suffering is not real or that Life is only that, suffering. Suffering does not exist as we think it does. I’m not going to tell you it isn’t real. How do I know for sure? It sure as hell hurts sometimes. I feel It is more a corrective subroutine. You are not supposed to like it. It hurts. But there is a higher path through it. You just have to realize you are not real in the sense you think you are and thus your pain, is more guiding then crippling. Suffering encases you in a pupa in which you can grow into a beautiful butterfly. Any separation we feel between us inside/outside is our own. The point is to learn and explore your connections to every thing around you using all skills and talents at your disposal. We are not to shut our minds off, instead let them be guided by beneficial principles. There is a level of self benefit, but when you factor in other’s benefit into your thinking, you reach the next game level and as a bonus, you get a conscious awareness power up in game. You learn this through trial and error. There is no right or wrong, just the way things are. You accept them or not.

How do I know this? I read the instructions sillies. I didn’t just dream it. I’m not that crazy. In fact, I’m not crazy at all. I am completely lucid at this moment, more so than my entire life. That is an interesting point in the game. The infinite possibilities bonus level during a moment of clarity. The instructions are in this really hard to get to space in the 2nd ventricle of the heart, written reversed against the inner heart wall, in the sanctum sanctorum. For $19.99 I can mail you instructions how to find it. It’s such a small price to pay for such a great game hint 🙂 Even the instructions were hidden in this game.

I have learned through experience, there is a middle way, balance is possible. The Creators of this game don’t even know its depth. Why do you think we are here. From now until we die or our collective clocks run down, any doubt this is true will be shown to you as folly. Do you need to know its a game, in a way, yes.

No Man’s Sky is a new simulated Universe game that created a Universe in 600,000 lines of code. They modeled our current understanding of physics into the game. It’s the first of its kind and unique in its scope in the way the Universe was modeled, on demand, the subroutine for a new area starts running. The patterns in our brain are hard wired to seek a Creator and know thy self perhaps. Maybe people are led unconsciously to create games that mirror Ultimate Reality because we are not ready to occupy that specific game level yet. Or perhaps that is beyond the game. And to say it is a game, they mean we are a simulation most likely.

Everything is a mirror. We are creators and that I think is part of the point of the game. Learn to love, flow free and create good things spontaneously for all. The game routines are not running when not needed. Now bring in VR and you can see we are on the verge of a new entertainment explosion. Watch, you will see VR take over in the next 5 years. It is a true fractal simulation based on the theory’s of Nick Bostrum. Nick is a philosopher who the smartest people in the world are listening to. He is an AI theorist. Nick just showed we are likely not real and simulated. If the smartest in the world believe this, what do you think they are doing? They are running the game. Accept, being most powerful is no better in this game than being a gamete.

How did I come to know this, because I know it as sure as my arms and legs before me. I told you, I found the instructions. The eastern and western esoteric traditions have explored our simulation in great depth. This is the Truth at the center of their secret knowings. They learned that once you have read all the instructions, you have to turn yourself into a key. A key to unlock parts of the game. It is a very common human reaction that when you know you have discovered the key, 9 times out of 10, people want to keep it for themselves and theirs. That is a test. It is a losing strategy.

So if you want to be President, a drunk, a beggar, a drug addict, ruler of the Galaxy, a janitor, a Dad, a Mom, do it! All equally valid in the spirit of exploring the game. As many times as you want for as long as you want. We have eternity it seems. But there is an order to things. A game progression. We are being directed in a way it seems to make ourselves better. To expand our minds. It seems whoever expands the furthest, maybe even into non-existence in the game is the winner. There is a hint. Openness and awareness. Anything you can do to foster those seems to lead to some great in game benefits.

Now, here is one existential paradox. If it is a game, no matter how hard you try, you will only be able to learn what has been put into the game. It may be a closed game, seems unlikely, but we can never know. Nick explains it is impossible to know if we are simulated after we have created adequately sophisticated simulations ourselves.

OK, that all seems logical, but is the Universe only logical? We just can’t know. Everyone has their own subjective experience. May I suggest a good game strategy that has been working well for me, neutral buoyancy. Neutral Buoyancy is a condition in which a physical body’s average density is equal to the density of the fluid in which it is immersed. Don’t go out of your depth, let the currents and your own composition lead you up or down as a balloon. Truthfully, you can’t go anywhere where you have not equalized to the pressure. In this way, it is impossible to cheat in the game to get to the true treasure.

Go with the flow.

That’s it, its also the title of my new book, Neutral Buoyancy: A Winning Strategy. I decided to try to write about the game instructions. Its not against the rules. But it is a proven losing strategy though. No one listens. I thought I would try to knock my head against the wall writing until something else comes loose.

Life is a game.

Evidence of Things Unseen

dervish_at_the_door

Sometimes, in my mind, when I let myself think about it, I’m terrified looking at my heart splashed out here on the Interwebs on this blog and other places. That is the best sign I am on the right track to know my Self I feel. Turn over every stone. My ego says delete that ASAP after writing less and less. My words stand as they came. Just like my bad choices and their consequences in my life stand, so do the good and great ones. Deciding to express myself creatively, actively and foolishly examining everything inside and around me, has brought me so much Joy and peace, I wouldn’t go back to my old self or life on my worst day. Being exposed and known for what you are, warts and all, is terrifying in the best way. I kind of love it now.

So, tip of the hat to all who can muster the courage to expose themselves with no hope of acknowledgement or agreement. Writing from love and the heart for no gain but to bring your Light and Love into the world does something to you. It does. It frees you from your self and the opinions of others. You have to stand alone sometimes. Terrifying to a monkey brain, but evolutionarily required it seems. I fear someone is going to come and get me sometimes. I’m good with crazy. Crazy is fun to read, right?  I just don’t want to be boring or too pedantic, but boring is good sometimes too.

Exploring the spirit in our culture unfortunately is not encouraged. You are encouraged to belong. The Ancient Mysteries used to be supported by the Greek and Roman state, now we are so driven by profit and corrupt, they would never support a spiritual school all attend. Only the wealthy or ones who can be used seem to be taught how to reason properly in their ivory towers. Only they have been trained great at thinking about how to rape the world and keep their foot on our necks. Is our society only valuable to a few people at the top? You will be isolated and removed like a virus if you rock things, unless you are part of the cure. I come from an Evangelical background. You don’t go looking into all religions from where I come from. Unfortunately, my heart and poems seem to have cost me access to my family and old friends. I have spent this last year writing as I felt inspired. I have been a square peg in a round hole my whole life. It sucks sometimes. It sucks to be so misunderstood. People I thought who would embrace me, just walked the other way.

So, to the reason I wrote this essay. Well, my writing and poems terrified my family to the point they will not let me see my Mother’s or Sister’s families. I just tell them I Love them and I do, so much. I stay out of their face. I’m no martyr, nor have a desire to be so. I want to celebrate and explore being alive here, now. I leave much unsaid, but what bubbles out is the expression of the life force poured into me from some other place. The personal rejection for sharing my heart hurt like hell in the beginning, which was a lesson. I guess that is a common Religious tactic for those who leave the fold, isolate and discredit them and finally torpedo their ship until its sunk. Interesting to experience it.

I encourage all to find and share their voices in spite of rejection, personal and professional. Hold your course and focus. Check your course often though. We need help sometimes. Weather the storms best you can until you find a good place to tie your boat to.  Where I led the way before in my family, now I am persona non-grata for asking questions and sharing answers no one I know from my past wants to hear or see. I stay away and do not seek to agitate. I only hoped for a detente or a live and let live. There is no argument with my family from my side. Funny, everyone was fine with me living messing my life and others’ up for 20 years, but to awaken and write about a peace I have never known is the terrifying part that has branded me with a scarlet letter with friends and family. There is a great lesson there for me and evidence of the things unseen I know and feel. It is an excellent confirmation I am on to something here.

Whaaaaaaa me. I’m the dumb dumb who didn’t keep his lips hermetically sealed. I’m exploring here and remembering my Self. I move with no thinking in the creative place as much as I can. It’s messy and not calculated. I am as far from calculated as you can be. The spirit encourages me to be sincere and open with my heart every place I go and with every person I meet now and pursue when led. Be quiet most of the time. I write to my Self.  I am sharing the email from my Sister below that clarified their position. She never reads anything I write, so no problem posting it 😉 I had asked to restore contact. They had read my email until the point they disagreed and then I got this email below. I am not looking for sympathy. I’m a big boy, but I felt led to share it. Not to shame, but explore the thinking that separates people and families. This is the mind set you face sometimes in Religion. Its a lot easier for you start out believing nothing with no faith maybe when starting to explore thyself.

I feel anyone can find themselves anywhere they are, so I could care less what you are or call you self. I am a student of the Universe. I have no creed but Love. I listen to all and follow none. I only encourage people to be real and love first and judge…never. I know I am on the right track for me. I am responsible for my self and my actions. Perhaps my sister and I will laugh about this one day. But I accept that they may never be able to accept my presence in their life again like they did. That makes me sad, but there is much to learn through this. Then I remember all have to walk their own path. We are all students. But, to this day, I can’t understand how they never asked me one question about what happened to me. Not one. They only told me I was cursed and lost. As my life blossoms like never before they condemn me. I know the lesson there. I’ll tell you a secret, no, that’s what got me in trouble in the first place. See, I’m learning 😉 It goes slowly.

Listen bro,

XXXX just read some of what you wrote. For real. XXXX, you are NOT Jesus. Period.

I wonder if your awareness of “Self”/let you see into the future let you see your family waving good bye and weeping over you.

Keep Denying your first love, keep disrespecting our only true God. I’ll be sad to say good bye at the parting of ways. Sad.

You are not all seeing, you are not God. You are not I AM. You are not. You are LOST.

YOU are a false prophet. A self centered false prophet.

You, unfortunately, will not have any contact with our family nor our children while you are in this state.

Much of this is like sweet nectar. It also is evidence of things unseen. There you have it. Well, I understand their reaction. I do. I love them so much, but I love my self most. Yes, I am totally Self centered. I’m going to print this one out huge to remind myself never to judge another’s sincere personal exploration, ever. I wish you well with yours.

I wanted to share a great poem provided me in a dark time by Rumi. I will always be a witness of and share the Love Rumi writes of so beautifully and humanly.

Dervish At the Door – By Rumi

A dervish knocked at a house
to ask for a piece of dry bread,
or moist, it didn’t matter.

“This is not a bakery,” said the owner.

“Might you have a bit of gristle then?”

“Does this look like a butchershop?”

“A little flour?”

“Do you hear a grinding stone?”

“Some water?”

“This is not a well.”

Whatever the dervish asked for,
the man made some tired joke
and refused to give him anything.

Finally the dervish ran in the house,
lifted his robe, and squatted
as though to take a shit.

“Hey, hey!”

“Quiet, you sad man. A deserted place
is a fine spot to relieve oneself,
and since there’s no living thing here,
or means of living, it needs fertilizing.”

The dervish began his own list of questions and answers.

“What kind of bird are you? Not a falcon,
trained for the royal hand. Not a peacock,
painted with everyone’s eyes. Not a parrot,
that talks for sugar cubes. Not a nightingale,
that sings like someone in love.

Not a hoopoe bringing messages to Solomon,
or a stork that builds on a cliffside.

What exactly do you do?
You are no known species.

You haggle and make jokes
to keep what you own for yourself.

You have forgotten the One
who doesn’t care about ownership,
who doesn’t try to turn a profit
from every human exchange.”

Peace from a lost false prophet.

You Are Limitless

Take that in to yourself. Think about it often. Believe that to be true about yourself. I don’t know if you know this, but you are limitless. I am not selling a “Program”, nor am I listening to too much Oprah. I have been meditating on and experimenting with that idea. That idea draws a lot out of me. Part of me immediately says, “No you’re not!”. I begin to realize there are several “I”s in me fighting to come to the fore. It takes a focus of will to keep the reality of my limitlessness in my mind. Nothing will show you more all the things trying to distract you, than when you to try to focus on ONE thing. If you are limitless, what limits you, the world or yourself?

in·tu·i·tion
ˌint(y)o͞oˈiSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: intuition
the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

There is a purity in letting things present themselves in response to our actions, for it does take action to make change, can’t escape cause and effect. Part of the secret is to embrace that things are always changing. You do not need to think to decide a course of action. Try that. Thinking is useful in understanding what has just occurred though or to communicate awareness to others. Thinking helps you adapt to your environment, for we were designed for adaptation. It’s very freeing to experiment with action with no thought. Where does that intuitive impulse come from? Have you ever wondered? Some people naturally live by intuition, while others must unlearn a lot to learn to live this way.

Intuition is guided by intent. If you live for your own needs only, you will eat everything and ultimately yourself. Everything exists to serve you and your needs.  If you live your life in balance, considering other Things’ needs in balance with your own, you find “steady breath” in living. There is no planning, no desire, there are needs, but choosing things with balance, things kind of take care of themselves. Living life can become as un-conscious as breathing. This is what I am learning, how to live as naturally as breathing.

With this knowledge and learned skill you will find that you quickly can exceed previous limits, naturally. The things you are will begin to express themselves purely in the moment when needed. Every moment presents a new opportunity to grow and tweak the program, push the stick. I have learned living this way can fuel explosive creativity. Expressing yourself creatively helps to increase your ability to live intuitively. Most discoveries were moments of inspiration, no thought involved. If you are limitless, then so is everyone else. You should listen to All of them. If nothing else, you can see the valleys and heights you can aspire to, but go further. Always push further.

When you are done comparing yourself to everything else, then your true life can start. If you see things in others you admire, then take those traits in, if you see things ugly in you in others, let them go. Don’t filter the action through the conditioned mind. Just act with creative and compassionate intention and you will be guided to your best self. See everything around you as a mirror, showing you your strengths and weaknesses in the moment. Let things be settled in the moment. The choice you make now creates the future. Live every moment with no limits and you will be limitless. You still live in a material Universe though, right, so maybe there are limits, but maybe not if there is an infinite field of probability that is the real reality underneath the projection around you.

It will all work itself out if you live in the moment limitless, you will be your future, no fortune tellers needed. If you bring the limitlessness that is you into the world, you can make it what you want and wisdom begins when you want nothing. Could your consciousness be the key?

Is Naturalness Dead?

Is the Universe knowable or unknowable? Based on recent Large Hadron Collider findings, it appears a knowable natural Universe is unlikely. What might this mean? It means our Universe might be a bubble in the Multiverse, an infinite number of other Universes, created and tuned for our existence, not determined and predictible, which makes me kind of happy. Arkani-Hamed, one of the greatest theoretical Physicists alive today, laid out the seemingly contradictory implications of recent experimental results at the LHC after the Higgs discovery.

“The universe is inevitable,” he declared. “The universe is impossible.”

Most Physicists feel that there is something more fundamental to nature than the experienced dimensions. Our reality emerges from more fundamental structures. Arkani-Hamed discovered a new geometric pattern that can simply predict particle interactions, an amplituhedron. This natural structure emerged from the math and is a simple version of quantum mechanics at the most fundamental level. Geometric structures explaining reality, interesting. The geometric object is an example of the most fundamental logic of the Universe: describing intersecting lines and planes. It appears the motion and history of the Universe is encoded in this pattern. In unpublished work, he feels the interchangeability of points and lines in the geometry of the amplituhedron may be the origin of a mysterious mathematical duality between particles and strings. Everything emerging from crossed lines.

amplutihedron_span

This puts Einstein’s dream of a natural, beautiful, inevitable(determined) and self contained Universe in jeopardy. I’m an engineer, not a Physicist, but I am always trying to understand my experienced reality skeptically. Well, I seek less to now understand reality and focus more on the best way to experience it resulting in maximum spiritual growth. I think reality is just a game and we are all players on it’s stage. I’m not going to take your word for it or anyone else’s. My question, could the Multiverse not be a real time reality, meaning, infinite possibilities existing concurrently in different Universes? If all possibilities are possible in the Multiverse, the rest and best realities exist out there.

Supposedly string theory, an attempt to unify Einstein’s relativity with Quantum Mechanics, the sub-atomic world of particles, supposedly has 10 to the 500 possible Universes in the Multiverse in 10 possible dimensions, we live in the first 3. That is not intuitive to humans. More and more the physics anomalies are growing, we are missing something. See Thomas Khun’s book, “The Structure of Scientific Revolutions”. Considering the effect of consciousness on reality may be part of what is missing.

The Anthropic Principle is the Law of Human Existence. It is well known that our existence in this universe depends on numerous cosmological constants and parameters whose numerical values must fall within a very narrow range of values. This does not make sense to most Physicists also, thus was born the Multiverse theory. I think the Multiverse exists as potential, and answers the question, how could we be so lucky? That is just an intuitive statement and just my opinion.

From the string theorist most Physicists feel is the brightest among them, Edward Witten, “I would be happy personally if the multiverse interpretation is not correct, in part because it potentially limits our ability to understand the laws of physics. But none of us were consulted when the universe was created.”

Einstein said, “Religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural law and this feeling is the guiding principle of his life and work.” My life is no different than that, I have a sense of awe at the Universe and am trying to figure out my place in it. I stopped caring so much what it is.

All of this makes me excited and affirms what I feel intuitively. I am not looking for the God of the gaps. I know the creative force that created the Universe, I feel it and experience it. You will never have all the answers. The answers are not the point. The point may be the questions and how you ask them and more importantly how you experience the Universe.

We can never know what exactly the Universe is if we exist in a Multiverse. We can not test this theory. Is this the end of Science? I hope it is a humbling time for Science. Because we all need some humility seeking to unlock such secrets. Perhaps in our current state we can not see more than the matter we are made of. What do you know?

Arkani-Hamed, a hero of mine and a great person and Physicist(like a child), found success by pursuing his own ideas with unbridled enthusiasm, politely disregarding naysayers and tackling obstacles head-on. I will try to be worthy of this mantle of great seekers in my pursuits. They are looking for more hints from nature to understand what the Universe is and want to build bigger colliders. I think this struggle of Physics reflects our internal spiritual struggles and striving. It was spiritual for Einstein. I believe the way forward will be born from a synthesis of the natural and the spirt. We are half blinded in our search. I think Science and spirit are complimentary, but beneficial or destructive based on your intent. You manfiest your own reality I believe. I wasted my life for so long on meaningless material pursuits.

No more!

No limits!