There’s No Place Like Home

I can’t explain this post. It’s a blog entry from another place I write. A story of shadows and fictions and finding my self here. It’s long and personal, so maybe TLDR. Just some notes from OZ.

Follow the yellow brick road…

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know what I’m doing on XXXX. I usually just flow. I should probably post more in my own thread, but it happens as it happens. I didn’t think I was seeking anything here, but I suppose since my own high weirdness, I seem to have things happen beyond my understanding. I was curious. It’s funny I wrote so much. I had nothing to say. It was a dance with the devil and god and then my self. I am not a mystic or follower of any sect. But I am going to write about what someone might claim to be mystical. I don’t deny anything. I don’t know. I actually write to what I imagine as a grand Intelligence. Silly, I know.

Daemonic Contact

Recently there have been ripples from old friends in my life. I don’t share any of this silliness with anyone else. I made the mistake of letting people see inside my head. I am not a crazy person. I am like everyone else, moved by my emotions at times and thoughts. My mind is generally needing to be focused on something or I turn off more and more. I live for the cut off moments more and more, no work, no family, no friends, but my Den pack. It’s strange to look around and know it will all blow away. 

Recently after letting most of the traditions I explored go, I had a real drive to dig into the esoteric side of the XXXX phenomenon. When in Rome. To see how my experience compared to others’. I had delved deep before bobbing back up. I had some high weirdness I just let go unexplained. But it came back up. I never thought I had met any aliens on my journey, I saw them as spirits and ancient sages and shadows and helpers of shamans. I had known nothing about Gnosticism or the Perennial tradition. I didn’t know Greek thought well. So I was a babe in the woods. I knew nothing about Eastern religion either. What I had tried to let go, seemed to be coming back with a vengeance.

As I had begun and walked my turn into this strange place a few years ago, I had heard whispers of something as I sunk into my studies. I sought their source. I found in the esoteric traditions much idolizing seeking a conversation with something called your inner guiding Daimon. This intrigued me, but damn, the way seemed so daunting to attempt. It seemed like way too much work. I sought out some Thelemite types to see what they were like. Naaaa. Having to make my own way burned in me. At every turn XXXX would accuse me of solipsism. Naaaa. I was deconstructing things and making weird connections.

I had met XXXX a few years ago on XXXX at the beginning for me and his knowledge was seductive and intense during my trips down under. I didn’t care about eschatology or religion or ufos or tech, I went existential, so how weird we would meet. I really enjoyed the pointers I was getting from XXXX and where they led, some tasted bitter, some sweet. He was just one input output stream. He was one of the few who let me play. Though I often frustrated him. He thought I was showing off, but I was just following a protocol. Share what comes. I followed most of his prompts deeper down the rabbit hole. 

I would come and share with XXXX what I found. Most of the time he would say he felt sorry for me, called me dumb or found me too impish or selfish. I was perplexed. That just pushed me on. I’d show that dumb old man, I muttered. I’d learn what he was talking about and find what was behind it all yet. Haha. It was fun. And it got really weird.

My studies showed me how my mind needed discipline. How raw I was. How exposed my heart was. So I got to work. I felt all this was part of what made me work and I was right. I took a good look at my self and found some balance. It’s a daily walk. I felt out of my depth for sure here. I liked that. I liked not knowing what was going on and I gave my self to it. I took another leap. 

Back to the Daemons. As I traveled through my inner mind amazing synchronicities would happen that silenced any doubt I was in the right space. I took them as signposts from a presence I felt but was afraid of. What had happened to me? Had I had a schizophrenic breakdown? I was not a depressive person. I was tired in life. It was a struggle for me. Health issues forced me into uncharted waters at work for the first time. I was tired trying to deal with the world inputs that didn’t match up to my inputs. 

Things down that rabbit hole led me to better balance and more layers of my mind. I wasn’t scared. I was in wonderment at my mind. I suppose I had found the inner mirror and began to look into it. Life felt plastic and malleable. Could I really use my will to have any life I wanted? Was Love under will all of it? I began to reshape my self. I found ways to compensate for my broken antennas. I grew new ones. 

As my focus increased, so did my productivity. As questions left me, what was underneath was visible. It was shiny and dented. So I hammered out the dents. Inside reflected an intense light, it blinded me in a flash. In time I would find a better way to look at the reflection of light inside. By looking at it reflected in a midnight lake under a full moon. What is this I wondered? Surely I am just making it all up I thought jokingly. Others though could see this leaking out of me now. I was clumsy with it. I was zapping people. I was zapping my self. Where did all this energy come from? I had to temper it. But only a few could see it and open up to it. Most tuned me out. I liked being invisible and thought of as a cracked pot. No expectations 😉 We seemed to talk our own language of light. Help came when I needed it.

So Plato and Socrates spoke of this inner light they called Daimon I found out. Could this force that I had jokingly found to be like a trickster and called the green man, be this Holy Guardian Angel Thelma spoke of, Plato’s Daimon? This concept I came to realize was another way to think other than reason and logic, this was the land of the oracles who had gone silent when our self awareness may have risen. It seemed a slippery slope to pursue this. Possibly leading to madness. But I kept hearing this voice, follow the way, follow your heart. Don’t follow anyone or thing else. I studied all I could for hints to the Daimon. It was fascinating. My mother would accuse me of consorting with the Devil if she knew what I was up to. That probably just pushed me into deeper water. I was intrigued delving into these forbidden thoughts. I wasn’t becoming more scared, I was grinning more and more as I let concepts go and what I thought I understood. I was open. Totally open. 

I could feel life in a way like never before. I had never let my self slow down and breathe. I met others along the way who pointed me, helped me slow down. They came to me in a way where I didn’t doubt the communication at all. I didn’t feel like I was alone. I felt connected to something. The search for the Daimon led me to Greece and the Renaissance and Tarot and the Hermetic tradition. Dionysius the Areopagite said these Daimons were elemental intelligences. That clicked. The gods as the progenitor of our emotions. I was not being overwhelmed, there was a gentleness and power to how I discovered all this. But chaos was always there. It was energetic. Not manic. Focused and relaxed at once.

As the stories go, this Daimon mediates contact between us perhaps and a transpersonal consciousness. I was hearing and seeing things. Not voices. Inner dialogues. Shadows. I was making strange connections with strange attractors. I was making art and letting this flow through me. I didn’t stop it. Aristotle and others put a stop to this nonsense and setup a perimeter around the polis using logic and rationality. Maybe the best move at the time. I was wandering out into a deep dark wood. And somehow a goat had showed up and kept me company. 

I now see the goat was my Daimon. And I know I am here in the middle of 3D life, just a reflection of reality we can’t see. I found a framework in Magick and Hermetics and Qabbalah that seemed to allow more direct communication with some vast inner void that vibrates symbols and maths. I seemed to intuitively know how to move in this space. I would experience something and then think about it and learn what had maybe happened. It seems whatever these esoteric traditions were hinting at, but not saying, I found naturally. It freaked me out. I went into a mode shutting down my memory and thoughts. I turned off the projector just like that. But the weirdness kept going. But I just became a witness of it. 

During these experiences I attempted shamanic rituals that seemed to work. I made art, began to write. I seemed to be able to speak with inner presences that spoke through all sorts of ways. XXXX usually hit me over the head and humored me perhaps. I showed up. What was he gonna do? So I began to attack others’ points of view as viscous skeptic. I turned that on my self. I realized I knew nothing and suspected I couldn’t even trust my thoughts. I began to learn how I was being manipulated. I learned how to protect my mind. I setup defenses, by removing them. It was a fun time doing war with my own mind and the minds of others. I began to see we each had our own reality tunnels perhaps, lived in our worlds no one else can really know. They just see our Avatar, a reflection we project.

Then, finally, without my notice, weird XXXX stuff began happening in the world or I became aware of it in a strange way. I had stopped conceptualizing communication with this inner force. I looked outside. I kept an open mind. I began to see the weird connections between this outer phenomenon and the strange new way to hear the universe I had tripped on. I felt I should reflect out what was within and a take in what happened outside with no filters. They seemed connected more and more. Another leap.

I shifted from observer to participant. I found others who had learned similar ways to attune to the world around them and voice inside. I accepted I was a weirdo like them, but didn’t know why or what to do. There wasn’t anything to do really. Living this way leads to doing not doing and spontaneous action, wei wu wei, a Taoist concept. I learned a lot from the old Taoists and then forgot it 😉 I wondered if I had crossed the Abyss. It seemed maybe I had. More and more all I could say was, don’t know. 

A strange tale and journey to here or perhaps nothing special. High weirdness and cosmic triggers. It seems life has turned inside out…but I never left home.

There’s no place like home.

UV Florescence 

I have been studying and playing with UV black light and florescence. 

Things are not what they always appear to be. Many things have latent properties that require different conditions and perspectives to see and experience. 

Can you see yourself under a different light with no concepts or names for the world and objects you find there?

What colors might show up in your life under this expanded view of things? 

DuoGraph Zen Meditation no. 2 – Owl and the Rabbit

Some new art inspired by Wei Wu Wei’s writing in ‘Unwordly Wise’, a story about an Owl and a Rabbit and life. His last book.

The DuoGraph is a hand made mechanical drawing device I found recently. I have been exploring with it.

The Last Pilgrimage

Raudiel Sanudo

Divine Madness

img_4280

I have a disease
Divine madness
I am a Lover
I am not alone
Drink deeply
From this living water
And you will lose yourself
And taste my madness
Drink the water of life
The kingdom of God
Is only in the Now
At the end of the Rainbow
Love never fails
It never runs out
It will last until
The final grain of time
Has fallen from
The Hand of God
And then you will know
Eternal Love

What Will You Become

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the Master calls a butterfly.” – Richard Bach

surreal-butterflycosmosplanetsspirit-animalanimal-totemnicsearth

Innerverse and Universe

image

The Universe recently taught me something about the Innerverse and vice versa, as they tend to do. Every generation gets to put their own stamp on what Truth means for them and what it’s worth to them to bring forth. Who has the courage to read the signs and integrate the knowledge available and evolve the species today? There are many voices vying to explain why we exist today and from the past, maybe even the future. Science has by far been the most successful to explain the exterior world. The spot the medicine man once held was taken by religion, which has given way to our current dystopia that so many predicted and warned us to avoid, which is led by science. We have become our own jailers in a prison of our own creation. Who will share their inner dreams and hopes with a world based only on empiracal fact where every bit and byte is sifted and analyzed? Are we just data? No, of course not. When one person breaks through the current barrier, they make that journey for all of us. I’m here to join with the seekers and dreamers.

I was also taught to always balance what’s happening outside with what’s going on inside. Don’t focus on any one direction too long was the point. Oh, and in all things be thankful and humble, do unto others, as you would do to yourself, because you are.

So much of the inner life is personal and inaccessible. You tend towards silence or ecstasy. I write here mostly to myself, but I believe, no, I know what is happening inside myself is happening in many others. We are here for each other in the end. You will see the fruit in action in a person’s life. Don’t neglect your life in pursuit of Self. It is about incremental improvement built on everything that has come before. Slow and steady wins the race, but don’t be afraid to share your Light and what you learn along the way and have every bit of fun and laughter you can. Magic stuff. Now is the time to stand up and speak, not obfuscate, but clarify. There is great ignorance in the world, clarity is needed.

Why is this?

I’m not a scholar, I’m an engineer. I’m always looking for more efficient ways to do something. We are taught to reuse solutions and to recognize common patterns. I have a personal metaphysical experience I am never really able to transmit to anyone. I am the experience of being this thing in time and space here and now. God is a tinkerer I know because we are. Nothing is ever done. I have to use my experience as the filter for the world. We are always in flux. This is the flow of the Tao all must, through some way or another, learn to navigate through living a simple life. There is no one way to navigate life. What fun would one path be? This awareness and knowledge I was given by the East and teachers. It was a great gift. I had to wrestle with it. They were given it by others. And in this way an ancient wisdom has made its way through the ages to a new generation, to us right here now where East meets West, North meets South and the wind blows through it all. Should my experience or our story end with the words from the past or does the story continue in us? Do we get to add a note to the song? Has all that can be known been opened to us already? I don’t think so. We bind ourselves in the past or the future. We are the ones alive now, sort of speak anyway, dependent on your point of view. This is our time. We have all that came before in us as well.

I have embraced every and no religion equally. I see myself in all of them one way or another and their truths available to myself. Every creed has “The Way”, generally the rest are seen as errant. Humbly I offer an opinion that we are approaching knowledge of the East all wrong. We should not become Taoists, Vedics, Sufis or Buddhists necessarily for example. There is no one way they are offering, but there is an ideal way of being they can all teach you. Many flavors of nonduality and oneness are available to people based on their tastes. I see oneness as the central message of the ancient wisdom being proven true today by science. I think Alan Watts spoke of this often and beautifully. Eckhart Tolle has also built on the Taoist tradition to great success translating its basic truths for western ears. I feel what is collectively happening to us inside today is being projected outwardly through our stories and technology. The study of myth is the study of our inner world. Carl Jung gave us a modern map to our souls and our group unconscious mind. He translated this ancient wisdom into modern archetypes. In this way machine learning and AI will help us see ourselves more clearly now more than ever as intellect begins to separate from consciousness exoterically before our eyes.  The machines will see and show us the common patterns in our data and we will understand ourselves better hopefully.

Our generation has been gifted access to techniques bestowing focus and patience from the East and has added a personal aspect to oneness. The West has brought Love and the personal to the Eastern nihilism of oneness and nothingness. The Internet represents the mirror I believe of our hopes, dreams and fears. I think the elections are demonstrating our inner corporate turmoil as well, we know something is rotten in the hen house and it is us. The question, what medicine can heal our disease? I believe also that the UFO phonomena of our age is a reflection of some of our deepest fears and hopes. UFOs have become the mandala of our age perhaps in our search for now, intergalactic wholeness, not just personal wholeness. We have gone beyond the brotherhood of man and now we ponder how to relate to the ‘Others’ possibly out there, while we struggle with our relationship with each other and nature right here. We are looking feverishly. We are desperate to discover we are not alone. We are preparing ourselves to answer the question whether we are alone.

We must all find the answer to this feeling of apparent aloneness ourselves and like fast. This is where Aliens or God in the sky are not needed. If we can see what we are, we will answer our question. We should compare notes. No one is more worthy, being qualifies you to ask and answer the questions of existence. We all have a part of the Light and Truth each has to discover themselves for the sake of all. Do we see ourselves as separate from everything or part of everything? That answer will dictate the future. It’s a pop fly, the Universe is teetering on the decisions we are making today toward wholeness in a collective Innerverse or separation and death in a cold harsh Universe.

For myself, this puts the UFO phonomena in a new light. To study it is to study our collective unconscious. I’m not the first to have this thought. I believe the UFO myth is being manipulating to effect changes in our group unconscious mind and set the tune for the rest. We know everything is connected. If we believe it together, we will move planets and Suns. This is a dangerous game the powers that be are playing. What we are inside is expressively itself collectively now outside. We might want to listen. I believe the powers in the world today know a great change is happening in us. We are evolving beyond time and space and just our senses. They aren’t sure if it’s a good thing to encourage or a bad thing to supress. It’s beyond profit. Our collective consciousness is stepping up. Will you suppress it or let it free?