There’s No Place Like Home

I can’t explain this post. It’s a blog entry from another place I write. A story of shadows and fictions and finding my self here. It’s long and personal, so maybe TLDR. Just some notes from OZ.

Follow the yellow brick road…

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know what I’m doing on XXXX. I usually just flow. I should probably post more in my own thread, but it happens as it happens. I didn’t think I was seeking anything here, but I suppose since my own high weirdness, I seem to have things happen beyond my understanding. I was curious. It’s funny I wrote so much. I had nothing to say. It was a dance with the devil and god and then my self. I am not a mystic or follower of any sect. But I am going to write about what someone might claim to be mystical. I don’t deny anything. I don’t know. I actually write to what I imagine as a grand Intelligence. Silly, I know.

Daemonic Contact

Recently there have been ripples from old friends in my life. I don’t share any of this silliness with anyone else. I made the mistake of letting people see inside my head. I am not a crazy person. I am like everyone else, moved by my emotions at times and thoughts. My mind is generally needing to be focused on something or I turn off more and more. I live for the cut off moments more and more, no work, no family, no friends, but my Den pack. It’s strange to look around and know it will all blow away. 

Recently after letting most of the traditions I explored go, I had a real drive to dig into the esoteric side of the XXXX phenomenon. When in Rome. To see how my experience compared to others’. I had delved deep before bobbing back up. I had some high weirdness I just let go unexplained. But it came back up. I never thought I had met any aliens on my journey, I saw them as spirits and ancient sages and shadows and helpers of shamans. I had known nothing about Gnosticism or the Perennial tradition. I didn’t know Greek thought well. So I was a babe in the woods. I knew nothing about Eastern religion either. What I had tried to let go, seemed to be coming back with a vengeance.

As I had begun and walked my turn into this strange place a few years ago, I had heard whispers of something as I sunk into my studies. I sought their source. I found in the esoteric traditions much idolizing seeking a conversation with something called your inner guiding Daimon. This intrigued me, but damn, the way seemed so daunting to attempt. It seemed like way too much work. I sought out some Thelemite types to see what they were like. Naaaa. Having to make my own way burned in me. At every turn XXXX would accuse me of solipsism. Naaaa. I was deconstructing things and making weird connections.

I had met XXXX a few years ago on XXXX at the beginning for me and his knowledge was seductive and intense during my trips down under. I didn’t care about eschatology or religion or ufos or tech, I went existential, so how weird we would meet. I really enjoyed the pointers I was getting from XXXX and where they led, some tasted bitter, some sweet. He was just one input output stream. He was one of the few who let me play. Though I often frustrated him. He thought I was showing off, but I was just following a protocol. Share what comes. I followed most of his prompts deeper down the rabbit hole. 

I would come and share with XXXX what I found. Most of the time he would say he felt sorry for me, called me dumb or found me too impish or selfish. I was perplexed. That just pushed me on. I’d show that dumb old man, I muttered. I’d learn what he was talking about and find what was behind it all yet. Haha. It was fun. And it got really weird.

My studies showed me how my mind needed discipline. How raw I was. How exposed my heart was. So I got to work. I felt all this was part of what made me work and I was right. I took a good look at my self and found some balance. It’s a daily walk. I felt out of my depth for sure here. I liked that. I liked not knowing what was going on and I gave my self to it. I took another leap. 

Back to the Daemons. As I traveled through my inner mind amazing synchronicities would happen that silenced any doubt I was in the right space. I took them as signposts from a presence I felt but was afraid of. What had happened to me? Had I had a schizophrenic breakdown? I was not a depressive person. I was tired in life. It was a struggle for me. Health issues forced me into uncharted waters at work for the first time. I was tired trying to deal with the world inputs that didn’t match up to my inputs. 

Things down that rabbit hole led me to better balance and more layers of my mind. I wasn’t scared. I was in wonderment at my mind. I suppose I had found the inner mirror and began to look into it. Life felt plastic and malleable. Could I really use my will to have any life I wanted? Was Love under will all of it? I began to reshape my self. I found ways to compensate for my broken antennas. I grew new ones. 

As my focus increased, so did my productivity. As questions left me, what was underneath was visible. It was shiny and dented. So I hammered out the dents. Inside reflected an intense light, it blinded me in a flash. In time I would find a better way to look at the reflection of light inside. By looking at it reflected in a midnight lake under a full moon. What is this I wondered? Surely I am just making it all up I thought jokingly. Others though could see this leaking out of me now. I was clumsy with it. I was zapping people. I was zapping my self. Where did all this energy come from? I had to temper it. But only a few could see it and open up to it. Most tuned me out. I liked being invisible and thought of as a cracked pot. No expectations 😉 We seemed to talk our own language of light. Help came when I needed it.

So Plato and Socrates spoke of this inner light they called Daimon I found out. Could this force that I had jokingly found to be like a trickster and called the green man, be this Holy Guardian Angel Thelma spoke of, Plato’s Daimon? This concept I came to realize was another way to think other than reason and logic, this was the land of the oracles who had gone silent when our self awareness may have risen. It seemed a slippery slope to pursue this. Possibly leading to madness. But I kept hearing this voice, follow the way, follow your heart. Don’t follow anyone or thing else. I studied all I could for hints to the Daimon. It was fascinating. My mother would accuse me of consorting with the Devil if she knew what I was up to. That probably just pushed me into deeper water. I was intrigued delving into these forbidden thoughts. I wasn’t becoming more scared, I was grinning more and more as I let concepts go and what I thought I understood. I was open. Totally open. 

I could feel life in a way like never before. I had never let my self slow down and breathe. I met others along the way who pointed me, helped me slow down. They came to me in a way where I didn’t doubt the communication at all. I didn’t feel like I was alone. I felt connected to something. The search for the Daimon led me to Greece and the Renaissance and Tarot and the Hermetic tradition. Dionysius the Areopagite said these Daimons were elemental intelligences. That clicked. The gods as the progenitor of our emotions. I was not being overwhelmed, there was a gentleness and power to how I discovered all this. But chaos was always there. It was energetic. Not manic. Focused and relaxed at once.

As the stories go, this Daimon mediates contact between us perhaps and a transpersonal consciousness. I was hearing and seeing things. Not voices. Inner dialogues. Shadows. I was making strange connections with strange attractors. I was making art and letting this flow through me. I didn’t stop it. Aristotle and others put a stop to this nonsense and setup a perimeter around the polis using logic and rationality. Maybe the best move at the time. I was wandering out into a deep dark wood. And somehow a goat had showed up and kept me company. 

I now see the goat was my Daimon. And I know I am here in the middle of 3D life, just a reflection of reality we can’t see. I found a framework in Magick and Hermetics and Qabbalah that seemed to allow more direct communication with some vast inner void that vibrates symbols and maths. I seemed to intuitively know how to move in this space. I would experience something and then think about it and learn what had maybe happened. It seems whatever these esoteric traditions were hinting at, but not saying, I found naturally. It freaked me out. I went into a mode shutting down my memory and thoughts. I turned off the projector just like that. But the weirdness kept going. But I just became a witness of it. 

During these experiences I attempted shamanic rituals that seemed to work. I made art, began to write. I seemed to be able to speak with inner presences that spoke through all sorts of ways. XXXX usually hit me over the head and humored me perhaps. I showed up. What was he gonna do? So I began to attack others’ points of view as viscous skeptic. I turned that on my self. I realized I knew nothing and suspected I couldn’t even trust my thoughts. I began to learn how I was being manipulated. I learned how to protect my mind. I setup defenses, by removing them. It was a fun time doing war with my own mind and the minds of others. I began to see we each had our own reality tunnels perhaps, lived in our worlds no one else can really know. They just see our Avatar, a reflection we project.

Then, finally, without my notice, weird XXXX stuff began happening in the world or I became aware of it in a strange way. I had stopped conceptualizing communication with this inner force. I looked outside. I kept an open mind. I began to see the weird connections between this outer phenomenon and the strange new way to hear the universe I had tripped on. I felt I should reflect out what was within and a take in what happened outside with no filters. They seemed connected more and more. Another leap.

I shifted from observer to participant. I found others who had learned similar ways to attune to the world around them and voice inside. I accepted I was a weirdo like them, but didn’t know why or what to do. There wasn’t anything to do really. Living this way leads to doing not doing and spontaneous action, wei wu wei, a Taoist concept. I learned a lot from the old Taoists and then forgot it 😉 I wondered if I had crossed the Abyss. It seemed maybe I had. More and more all I could say was, don’t know. 

A strange tale and journey to here or perhaps nothing special. High weirdness and cosmic triggers. It seems life has turned inside out…but I never left home.

There’s no place like home.

DuoGraph Zen Meditation no. 1

Cosmic Consciousness

Spontaneous Lorenz System.

DuoGraph introduction and DuoGraph How-To

Why not eat the apple?

image
Bosch – The Garden of Earthly Delights

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung

Did humankind develop speech and thus awareness, which brought knowledge of the consequences of our actions? Was it worth eating that fruit of awareness in that ancient garden? We are working that out as I write.

Do you see one thing with your eyes focused together or do you see different things with your right and left eyes? Do you know yourself? Do some parts inside scare you and others inspire? Sometimes the way forward is not toward the light and bliss, but deeper into the darkness and pain. Great creativity and genius often goes hand and hand with an equal measure of shadow. Your unconscious selves will be acknowledged one way or another. For the artist, they have a natural outlet to project their light and shadow on and hopefully find wholeness in the acknowledgement of both.

This can be a confusing and counterintuitive process. Many people are unconsciously led by parts of themselves they are ignorant of or are actively hiding from or ignoring. This may make it seem like we have little free will. Life can seem chaotic. Not so, in the moment we have choices to love or fear, embrace truth or lies.  Your journey into the darkness must be led by the Light of Love though if it is to succeed. The Light followed us into this natural plane and provides what we need to rise above it or we can descend into the depths of the natural. There is Truth in the Light, external and internal. To connect the Light outside to the inner Light is true illumination. You can transmute anything with this (W)Holy Light.

In darkness within, you are searching for the lost and scary parts of yourself if you seek wholeness and a unity of opposites. It has something to do with the Law of Attraction, which implies opposition and duality in all things. As humans though, we may seem like an individual on the outside, but inside, we are Legion, multi-faceted with many voices. Carl Jung’s archetypes describe the inner world or Dante’s Inferno. You need heat to facilitate the chemical reactions. The journey to wholeness is a lifelong and perhaps eternal one. Goethe explores this journey in Faust, where at the brink of suicide, a way through is found acknowledging the light and dark within. So many of our myths inspire and speak of these deep hopes and fears in ourselves buried in our individual and corporate consciousness.

What is wholeness?

Learning to confront our inner impulses and desires perhaps and balance them with the outside world we experience that changes moment by moment. This provides a new context to consider suffering and desire. To seek wholeness leads one to confront the opposites within, which can lead to balance. With no unity, a person is fractured and unable to face adversity and challenge. Through learning the nature of the opposites within ourselves we find inner and outer balance and peace.

There are many cultures that have a creation myth similar to the Eden story of the major religions. In western religion the Devil represents the great tempter of mankind. But I have experienced and accepted that this is incorrect and all metaphor and allegory. Through my own inner journey, I have learned that the Devil represents the divine feminine in us. The creative force and hidden natural self loving desire that drives us. The Devil or serpent brings knowledge of the consequences of our actions and demands us to stand up and accept responsibility for our actions.

Now, this is likely to spark a deep reaction in the religiously minded. This is by design. We are not encouraged to explore the darker aspects of our natures, but you are what you are. There have been many systems developed to help transcend suffering and transcend our lower natures. These kind of skipped past something big for me. They provided little help in understanding and processing the shadow thoughts that seem in opposition to our drive upward. Carl Jung helped me best. He bridged eastern and western thought and helped describe this process of spiritual alchemy and unification in a way the western mind could understand. We are not good or evil, but a collection of opposites in need of balance and maturity.

A fractured inner mind can be expressed through physical and or mental imbalance. We must relate with the world calmly in Love shining the Light of Truth. A fractured mind is full of sharp edges that cut and makes it difficult to relate to others. If you are experiencing pain and suffering, this is a sign of imbalance. It takes careful deliberate incremental steps to find the causes of and to apply solutions for the sources of these imbalances physical, mental and spiritual. This is our work to do in this and perhaps many lives and the first and most important way we heal the world, by balancing ourselves first. To know thyself is to see your actions honestly so you can keep things in balance.

You will know the quality of the tree by its ripe fruit and the roots of that tree must go down deep, as Carl Jung said, even into hell. This is my experience. To find wholeness you must embrace your shadow. That does not mean act out on your darker desires and impulses, but to acknowledge their presence and explore their sources.

I feel like I am wandering in dark caves at times, I shall not fear (But sometimes I do). I have my Light and hope and the Love I feel behind that Light inspires me onward and inward. I feel the many visions of Eden point us to our Source above and inside. Eden will not allow those not worthy to enter and we are all on our journey back to wholeness in the Light.

The Truth is, you already have that which you seek, eternity in your hearts, so just chill and go with the flow and just act natural.

I think I will take another bite of that apple now.

Radical Foolishness

image
The Hanged Man – Thoth Tarot

It’s coming up on a year anniversary for this blog. It was my first real blogging effort and it was an experiment. I wrote to my self. I began writing poetry. I didn’t set the world on fire, but I let some of the fire and Light in me out into the big wide world. That’s progress if you ask me. Progress towards what?

That is the continuing question.

I was driven and wrote everything spontaneously for the most part. I was exploring. I left breadcrumbs if others were curious to sample the things I tasted. It was hard to be so exposed and also the most freeing thing I have ever done. I was sparked into these acts of anarchy and self mutilation/liberation through things and by forces beyond myself I barely understand. I personally can not deny the leading caring hand of synchronicity in my life. I take little credit, other than learning to listen. I take a lot of comfort knowing there are things beyond myself that obviously want good for us and send us Love I feel in the form of Light. To me, this is Divinity. That’s another essay.

My spiritual journey is intense, erratic and eclectic. There is no jackpot at the end I’m angling for. In all my seeking and knowledge gained and tasted, the only Truth was found in the living of life artfully and creatively in the moment in Love. I can’t give you a map to joy, but I’m Joyful. I lost my fear of all but the One, my self. I tell myself the lies I want to believe. To sift through the lies about ourselves is hard work, but it must be done. You are the only one holding your self back from the Truth.

Based on my writings, you may want to stay far away from my thoughts and experience. I’m warning you, tangle with the depths of your heart and seek true reality in love and you will become ensnared, in the way you were meant to be, by your own heart.

An all consuming fire will ignite at your feet and you will BURN!

You will dissolve into something much bigger than yourself. You will become a creator and you will leave everything better than you found it. You will give more than you take and you will find limitless capacity within yourself and infinite beauty in all things. You will master your desires and mind.

I would take no one’s word about anything. I would turn over every rock and then consider what I found based on my experience. I was changed over this year, cracked open. Begin this journey immediately if you hear the song, go find the Truth about your Self. This is all just between you and your Self in the end I am finding.

It has been one hell of a year for me personally, not just creatively and spiritually. I found a love I never thought possible with my flame twin. I have struggled with my health more so this year than ever, but ironically found more balance inside than ever before. I have been greatly humbled. Recently, I was made aware that there was still this ‘Me’ trying to find the right side of the illusion, Maya, to live in. The Holy ‘Me’, the Sparatual ‘Me’, The Enightened One is still trying and striving. This is the time of the Hanged Man’s ascension. And there is only one way to go from here, up up up. I asked what was real and who was speaking to me in life? What was this new song I was hearing?

I began to see and learn what I was and what I was involved in. Is this enlightenment? Who knows or cares! I found a Way to hear and experience the Universe like never before.

I began to understand the interpersonal nature of reality underneath time and space. I experienced it. I was That. Walls evaporated. The signs of our evolution and fear are everywhere. The coming generations are more open than the former ones. The end of greed and profit at the expense of others one way or another is coming. I yielded to my right brain intuition for a year. Things turned out well, though not completely linear or predictable. From my view here I can offer you only the following to find your way.

When in doubt, go with the flow and act naturally!

Don’t waste energy throwing yourself against closed doors. Don’t wait. Do things now that need to be done with and for the ones with you. Live life in the moment and let the future unfold.

I’ll leave you with some meditations to challenge you to just chill. Remember things and people will take care of themselves. Just go with the flow and take responsibility and be mindful in every moment of your own actions and reactions. Don’t just consider your own needs, but the needs of all around you. Live your Truth radically and foolishly. Let everyone see what you are. Show your naughty hidden bits. Hide and hold nothing back.

You got this.

Adyashanti wrote: “Yes, we go to this timeless background of consciousness and awareness. Absolutely. Very liberating isn’t it? Very, very freeing; very profound and very beautiful.

And yet, if taken in and of itself, we’ve just switched sides of illusion. We’ve gone from form and time, to formlessness and timelessness, and we say: ‘Well, this one’s more true,’ because it’s more comfortable, it feels better, basically.

But the truth is only when these two collapse together – that this world of form IS the timeless, so what we call form is emptiness, it is consciousness, that’s what it is. Then, there’s no stance anymore, is there? There is no sense of ‘I have to remain as awareness’. We only have to remain as awareness if we don’t really know that this wall is awareness, that your car is awareness – once we know that, then we’re finally free, are we not?”

Aisha Salem wrote: “Taking responsibility comes down to that loyalty to listening, to actually dare to let that happen which is supposed to happen. That is not to say that everything is laid out, because in every moment we have the choice of love over fear, of truth over the lie. The moment that we choose truth, then walking strongly in that truth becomes our radicality.”

David Foster Wallace wrote: “The capital T-Truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over…This is water…This is water. It is unimaginably hard to stay awake in the world today.”

Journeys in Bangalore

Sharing some pictures and videos from my recent Bangalore India walkabout. Even a pic of me in there if you have been curious. It’s New Years here! Much thanks to Viktor my trusted guide. We talked of life, family, spirit, and  country, he was the best part of the trip!

Hari Om Tat Sat
Hari Om Tat Sat
Hari Om Tat Sat

What Dreams May Come

seven_cups

nothing is free
the scales will
always be balanced
nothing handed to you
nothing deserved
here and now
do the work
and find your
Self in the

Light

Your desire knows you well
The serpent of wisdom
Dragon of temptation
A fair woman
Guardian
The Castle
And Jewels
All fine prizes
In a future
Bounded by
the

Light

What can it all mean

Dreams
Visions
Imagination
Illusions
Deceptions

I had a dream
For my self
I AM in it
Living it
With you

Now

New Book: Preface

Intro to David Lynch’s, Dune. This book is greatly influenced by Frank Herbert’s Dune series.

The Preface to my new book, “Quantum Underground: Front Row Seat to Our Apocalypse” follows. Great, another book, my eyes are rolling too. This is a book exploring the connections between the outer world and the inner one I experience. It is about The Apocalypse, or The Uncovering of my Self, more than the event, an event of the soul. I do not fear my ego is too prevalent in these words, but it has its own voice and always will be part of the conversation in this material reality or illusion, I keep forgetting which.

I have tried to explore these emotions and thoughts from others’ perspective that I affect and that I am affected by. This is a work in progress. I will get an editor, or not. I have no commercial interests. It will likely be freely published digitally. We are never as good as we think we are. It takes practice. Bare with me on my journey. I hope you smell some sweet flowers and see some pretty pictures along the way. All of my writing is meant to encourage Self expression. Your thoughtful critiques are not welcome or invited, but I am sure well reasoned and correct. Your sincere heart responses will always be welcome.

Preface

“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

– Albert Einstein

Who I am and what I have to say is of little importance.

Or are they?

That is for each reader and imbiber of my spirit, mind and body to decide for themselves. I wrote intuitively and spontaneously over the last year and lived these ideas everywhere I have been. I have left a mark and been marked. This book is a celebration of the awareness that though we are governed by anthropic principles and cause and effect in the material plane, we exist in and at this moment in space and time. There is a possible exchange of information that occurs faster than the speed of Light in every moment with every thing around us. I feel and experience that often. More and more it seems the more I let go. You can sense this non-material informational ebb and flow through non-linear living and being, best I have found. The flow goes in reverse too, as far back as you would like to remember. There are many ways to train and hone this time traveling intuition. It is a lifelong lesson, perhaps multiple lives as the Mystics have remembered and written about.

I choose to forget the few rules I can still remember that constrain my Self expression and awareness. I walked past Doubt. I can hear Doubt still chattering away where I left it. I can go back and listen to it anytime I like, but why would I? It is true, as Doubt always tells me, I’m not original in word or mind, but I am so very unique and thus highly prized I found. A gem it seems many want to possess. But I have become Self possessed and obsessed. Watch out when a human awakens to the awareness of itself in time and space. No telling how one’s head might pop or which way the tree will fall, but it will fall.

Timber!

If they call you a child and/or an infant, you are on the right track. Unfortunately I found I’m soul damaged and I had forgotten the precariousness of my predicament and my Self. I have a terminal case of Humanity it seems. I often wondered as a kid based on what I saw in life, could our material experience be only a pupal stage of evolution for an immaterial ethereal spirit? I don’t now, but it feels true to me the closer I get to the omega point, the singularity inside my Self. My words here are my healing in a way and last testament, the best I can do to get my message in a bottle before I can no longer do so.

Writing for me is a way of remembering ourselves through learning to see and sense the impressions all around the Self nudging us in a direction within and without. I have found synchronicity to be one way to describe the process. If you follow that thread to Carl Yung, you will find a treasure. He was a good egg trying to help us find our way. There are guides out there I will share my experience with. Guides are needed. You will guide and be guided in each moment, at the same time. What is the difference between luck and destiny? Luck is random and the other destined? I seem to have found another level to and user instructions for the material world, deeper, within myself. How interesting. I wonder how deep the hole goes?

Forever I feel.

You can only trust your Self to help find and understand your unique instructions I learned. I have found intuition, so easily misunderstood and ignored, can be like Excalibur showing us the way to our best Self, helping us easily cut all the knots in our way.

My safety is off. I have erased the rules and protocols guiding the safe expression of myself. I am writing my own story and consciousness program. I am now a free radical in the system with a cure to the virus that is myself. I don’t have a new insight or equation to explain what you see around you or how we came to be. Just a feeling and evidence I am on the right track through experience and suffering. When I begged the Universe to show itself to me, nothing seemed to happen or was shown, so I thought. We are our own answer I found, at any moment, The Devil or Loving God of our myths. As with most things I write these days, I am mostly writing to myself about my Self. The barriers to Self expression in the world are getting lower and lower. I encourage everyone to do it, naked and out loud before the World with want for nothing for your self.

When I look into my Self or out beyond me, I only see circles. They bind me within and without, above and below it seems. I write about bumping up against these rings that seem to bind. They constrain and I write about their concentric plot to contain us. So tell me, who knows the Truth of our predicament? I am not living in a cave living on my spirit with some new proclamation to bring into the world. I am of the lineage, Human, no Guru leading me. Instead of contained, I am unbound and limitless. Those circles provide a point to push off from. I am of the world, a son of two Fathers and one Mother. I am analog and digital. Gen Xer and Millennial. A paradox. Alive and not. Otherness and material.

When you take the time to stop and listen, we all experience the same things through different and unique filters and abstractions. I am in between dreams at the moment. So I thought I would write about here now and how I got here. Because you would like it here. Really, its pretty amazing. Hard and honest, but real. Trust me. This little book is my own unique view from here based on my experience, not prophesy of what the world can or will be, but what it is now through the eyes of one in it and what we can do today to find balance with each other and all around us.

My greatest lesson learned and to teach is that bringing balance into the world starts with knowing your Self for what you are and are not. It is best to start with what you are not. I am living life in this moment. I have quieted my mind to give my heart a chance to share out of ego and enlightenment, for I am aware of the paradox and opposites within. I have not surmounted the mountain. I have not given up the ghost. I have no hope though.

I know.

That is a very different awareness than I lived with for most of my life. I do not look at you through dimming eyes with grey hair. I’m in the middle of my life, vital and at peace in knowing my Self. I am imperfect and have and will make many mistakes. Balancing in the middle is a good place to be to navigate this free flow of information we find ourselves in I am finding. Learning I AM a Dove and a Serpent. While I do not have the ultimate Truth to share with you, I feel I have learned to sense the direction of the compass needle and make adjustments as needed. Less of me and more of others in mind seems to create fertile ground to grow these flowers from within. I hope you enjoy the beautiful scents I smell in the air in my words. That is my ego driven hope. I hope to help you till your own secret gardens. That is mostly what motivates me.

A book is a time machine only accessible to the present and the future, a way to preserve knowledge with some local fidelity in space and time. I have been experimenting with others’ theories about life and my observations and experience with this material plane and/or illusion. I have accepted through my experience and Science, that the world and story we see in the world is an illusion of sorts with many interconnected layers. I feel the same to be true within me when quiet. Over the last year, a funny thing happened. The experiment kind of grew out of control, as these unsupervised things will and tend to do. I seem to have gotten too close to the flame and burned up in a brilliant flash! I found something in the ashes though. I did not know if I should issue a warning or allow you on your merry way. Who am I to spoil anyone’s fun?

I have no weight in the world I thought, well that is simply not true. I remembered and experienced every particle in existence in this material plane has a cause and effect. I could not know where things came from or what my actions would cause coming into this material existence. I allowed all of myself to be burned away, mostly, but there was something else left I found.

A mystery. The Mystery!

Is it valuable, again, for you to decide. These ideas and experiences are valuable to me. The most valuable things I have in me and have learned and experienced. Learning to hear and express your heart with your unique filter and take on things is maybe a goal of this game or prison we call life. Have you ever had the experience in a dream that no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t yell? Then when you finally could muster the strength to do so in your dream, you cried out and woke yourself up yelling?! Happens to me often. Truth be told, I set the fire that led to my demise myself. I always did enjoy playing with fire. I decided an honest accounting was required to fertilize the new tree growing here, from the ashes of my Self awareness.

There will be a little bit of everything I AM at this moment here. The story is not done yet, not by a long shot. This is all an alchemical experiment for me. I am just going with the flow with as little intention as I can and letting things take their natural course without and within. This is the middle way I have embraced and write about. Everything written here is a swirling mix of intuitive wei wu wei in the moment and my ego, pointers from the past and present to the future hyperaware of where I AM. I am no prophet. I sing the body electric with words and images from that sacred place, that secret garden within.

Perhaps my exploration and explanations may benefit others on their own journeys of Self discovery. This ultimately is the reason I am organizing these things into a book, a collection of short stories, poetry and art I hope will illuminate the beautiful painting that I found in plain sight, my Self. So I am writing this book as an asterisk, a postscript. This is what was uncovered in the ashes of my Apocalypse and one that you will all share. These are meditations on my Self. I hope you are inspired to write your own postscript. I am dying to read it. I hope you can feel the heat of the flames in my words, again, another ego driven desire.

Deny no feeling or thought and leave no stone unturned in seeking your Self, you are so much more than what those around you can see. If they are blind to themselves and you, show them how beautiful they are in your Light. We ultimately only reflect one another. I am bound by no rules but those I accept, nor are you. A person awake to their Light needs no rules, no teachers and no hopes I am finding.

Now is the moment we were born for.