Yesterday I saw the trees by the river’s edge,
Wrecked and broken beyond belief,
Only two or three trunks left standing,
Scarred by blades of a thousand axes.
Frost strips the yellowing leaves,
River waves pluck at withered roots.
This is the way the living must fare.
Why curse at Heaven and Earth?

—Hanshan – Cold Mountain

Writing in Blood

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

—Ernest Hemingway

I’ll read anyone who leaves blood on the page.

The way of the individual is not a lonely path, it is an intimate experience with everything.

Leaving…Flying Away








Why not eat the apple?

Bosch – The Garden of Earthly Delights

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung

Did humankind develop speech and thus awareness, which brought knowledge of the consequences of our actions? Was it worth eating that fruit of awareness in that ancient garden? We are working that out as I write.

Do you see one thing with your eyes focused together or do you see different things with your right and left eyes? Do you know yourself? Do some parts inside scare you and others inspire? Sometimes the way forward is not toward the light and bliss, but deeper into the darkness and pain. Great creativity and genius often goes hand and hand with an equal measure of shadow. Your unconscious selves will be acknowledged one way or another. For the artist, they have a natural outlet to project their light and shadow on and hopefully find wholeness in the acknowledgement of both.

This can be a confusing and counterintuitive process. Many people are unconsciously led by parts of themselves they are ignorant of or are actively hiding from or ignoring. This may make it seem like we have little free will. Life can seem chaotic. Not so, in the moment we have choices to love or fear, embrace truth or lies.  Your journey into the darkness must be led by the Light of Love though if it is to succeed. The Light followed us into this natural plane and provides what we need to rise above it or we can descend into the depths of the natural. There is Truth in the Light, external and internal. To connect the Light outside to the inner Light is true illumination. You can transmute anything with this (W)Holy Light.

In darkness within, you are searching for the lost and scary parts of yourself if you seek wholeness and a unity of opposites. It has something to do with the Law of Attraction, which implies opposition and duality in all things. As humans though, we may seem like an individual on the outside, but inside, we are Legion, multi-faceted with many voices. Carl Jung’s archetypes describe the inner world or Dante’s Inferno. You need heat to facilitate the chemical reactions. The journey to wholeness is a lifelong and perhaps eternal one. Goethe explores this journey in Faust, where at the brink of suicide, a way through is found acknowledging the light and dark within. So many of our myths inspire and speak of these deep hopes and fears in ourselves buried in our individual and corporate consciousness.

What is wholeness?

Learning to confront our inner impulses and desires perhaps and balance them with the outside world we experience that changes moment by moment. This provides a new context to consider suffering and desire. To seek wholeness leads one to confront the opposites within, which can lead to balance. With no unity, a person is fractured and unable to face adversity and challenge. Through learning the nature of the opposites within ourselves we find inner and outer balance and peace.

There are many cultures that have a creation myth similar to the Eden story of the major religions. In western religion the Devil represents the great tempter of mankind. But I have experienced and accepted that this is incorrect and all metaphor and allegory. Through my own inner journey, I have learned that the Devil represents the divine feminine in us. The creative force and hidden natural self loving desire that drives us. The Devil or serpent brings knowledge of the consequences of our actions and demands us to stand up and accept responsibility for our actions.

Now, this is likely to spark a deep reaction in the religiously minded. This is by design. We are not encouraged to explore the darker aspects of our natures, but you are what you are. There have been many systems developed to help transcend suffering and transcend our lower natures. These kind of skipped past something big for me. They provided little help in understanding and processing the shadow thoughts that seem in opposition to our drive upward. Carl Jung helped me best. He bridged eastern and western thought and helped describe this process of spiritual alchemy and unification in a way the western mind could understand. We are not good or evil, but a collection of opposites in need of balance and maturity.

A fractured inner mind can be expressed through physical and or mental imbalance. We must relate with the world calmly in Love shining the Light of Truth. A fractured mind is full of sharp edges that cut and makes it difficult to relate to others. If you are experiencing pain and suffering, this is a sign of imbalance. It takes careful deliberate incremental steps to find the causes of and to apply solutions for the sources of these imbalances physical, mental and spiritual. This is our work to do in this and perhaps many lives and the first and most important way we heal the world, by balancing ourselves first. To know thyself is to see your actions honestly so you can keep things in balance.

You will know the quality of the tree by its ripe fruit and the roots of that tree must go down deep, as Carl Jung said, even into hell. This is my experience. To find wholeness you must embrace your shadow. That does not mean act out on your darker desires and impulses, but to acknowledge their presence and explore their sources.

I feel like I am wandering in dark caves at times, I shall not fear (But sometimes I do). I have my Light and hope and the Love I feel behind that Light inspires me onward and inward. I feel the many visions of Eden point us to our Source above and inside. Eden will not allow those not worthy to enter and we are all on our journey back to wholeness in the Light.

The Truth is, you already have that which you seek, eternity in your hearts, so just chill and go with the flow and just act natural.

I think I will take another bite of that apple now.

Shadow Work


the One below
and the One above
at times pulled
Me apart
a timid
voice arose
are as
they should be
have no fear
and join your
bothers and sisters
in the
of Your
You must
you burn
you ask


You are Loved

Moments with Beulah

momentswithbeaulaIt’s been 6 years now since you passed
How you loved your stories and TV lives
And your living room filled with pirate’s booty
I am your oldest grandson
A nexus of generations

I hear you in the kitchen calling Sue
I see you buttering that awful white bread
With that killer spread
I remember your red cups

Those moments on the pier
Telling me, “Watch your pole now!”
Laughing at the smelly fish and shrimp
They always got away
I was not born for that

I loved your soft Tennessee drawl


I used to love to watch you play
How could you juggle all those cards so well

I remember the smell of the pines and tar
All those cigarettes, phew
As we pulled into the drive
Of your little cinder block house
My stomach jumped for Joy
It was always a mansion to me
And you were the fair lady of the tower
My protector
I wish I had not slipped away in the buzz of life
I wish I had remembered you on the important days
I live a life of Love and Light now
I have put childish things away
I promise to live with no regret
And burn brighter than the sun

I promise to always keep you in my heart
I will watch out for them
And help when I can
I’m pouring this one for you
And wishing your beloved Cowboys
Victory at last

Be at peace with Jim
I know you found each other again
In that cold place
And filled it with your love and warm embrace
Free from the chains of life
I look forward to one day joining you in
The Light

But not yet
I have a thing or two to do
I learned no one is promised tomorrow
So in this moment now I reflect best what I
Learned through your humble life
And know I feel you in the beat of my heart
Thank you for hands at my back


You are loved Beulah

Sometimes It Hurts

Sometimes you may need to stand alone
Love can be threatening
How can that be
It hurts

Sometimes you have to follow the Light
Love knowing the pain in others
Hope that dawn will break
Never avoid the Truth

Sometimes you have to pursue
Don’t be a martyr
Always speak in Love
Take it

Sometimes you have to be the fool
Let the chips fall where they may
No longer live asleep
Always be true to yourself

Sometimes you have to be bold
The ones closest can have great fear
It comes from doubt
True love always stands beside you

Sometimes it hurts too much
How when a life is opening like a flower
Can they turn their eyes
Giving all seems not enough

Sometimes you have a moment of clarity
The path unfolds before you
Have courage and hold tight
When no one understands

I Love you all now like I never could

Always forgive
Always keep reaching
Always carry them
Always Be Love

The Hard Road

It takes a violence sometimes to stand still
What is it that we fight against
Why do we make the choices we do in life
Why are we so afraid to be seen for what we are

What or who am I?
A frightened child standing on the edge of Oblivion
A vain man striving for recognition that I matter
A fool

My destiny is dominated by my choices to seek this path
I accepted my death and thought that I had arrived and now can rest
Not understanding the unraveling that would commence on my Death
Unspooling, wisps of thought slipping through my fingers

I learned all paths on the road to know and Love God and others leads to this Truth
We begin to learn that matter is nothing more than God’s Light bouncing off of our intention
I do not miss the illusion of contentment, the faith in myself, the Truth of Me
I am loved and when I dwell in that place standing beside myself, I feel Joy

I accept I am not alone and part of All

I yield

Image source.

My Best Self

What is wrong with you?
I don’t understand.
It hurts so bad!
“You don’t know me!”
Who does?
“This is best.”
For you?
How could you do this to me?
“I hate myself and I am lost.”

His gaze has left me.
I am nothing but a hypocrite.
No better than an animal.
No one can make me happy?
Why will this heaviness not leave me?
I am a fake.


Mmmmmm, feels so good. What was I saying?
Oh yah, I’m a false person.
A Zombie.


That feels soooooo good. More please.

You think that feels good
We have a Universe of wonders to distract you

That sounds tempting.
I disgust myself.
I have no feeling.
Unquenchable hunger.
I only live for myself.
Everything tastes like BPA.
What am I?
What have I done?
I feel terrible.
I’m definitely going to hell.
Where is my faith?”
Who would look at me if they knew who and what I was?
I am nothing.


Who are you
Listen to me now, ENOUGH
You are beautiful
You are a fading flower
I have set creation in motion for you and many
You are only whole in me
Come back Come back
We feel your pain
We wonder how you can feel so separate, when you are whole in me even now
I will never stop pursuing
I will never waiver, or the Universe would snuff out
It takes a Divine concentration, I am focused
Christ, Buddha, Hindu, Muslim and many more are your true family
You are all part of the same genetic tree
All of life is entangled and intertwined
So much pain and anger
We are all tired, rest in me and lay your fears and hopes at my feet
I Love you, that means I will never stop trying to help you
Be your best and all of creation will align itself to assist you
Call on me and I will lift you up
There are infinite possibilities
Your wave form will collapse at the transition and what you are will be
These are mysterious and wonderful things
Cast yourself into the deep water and I will show you wonders
You will be changed in a twinkling of an eye
Everything to know is in you and if you follow that path you will find me at the end of the Universe

Please, no more, I can’t take anymore.
Turn it off.
I don’t want this.
I am not an illusion.
I can do this, let’s rally.
Wait wait wait, not again.
I yield.

Whoa! What was that! Something wicked this way comes.

What is this thing in my head and in my heart, my God!
It’s tendrils wrap through my soul into my bones and into my DNA.
This is not me. This is other.

And when your mind is lost to it’s siren call, you will fall asleep
For there is nothing but you and you are the most beautiful thing in the Universe

I feel sick.
I have the flu.
I can’t work.
What is wrong with me.
My head hurts.
Why can’t I stop crying.
I know this is what insanity must be, I’m losing it.
I don’t want to do this.
What have I done?
What am I saying?
Everyone can see.
Please, someone help me!

Time for some truth and it will strip you bare to your real self
A fire will fill your veins and you will not be able to contain it
It will join with others until all of creation is on fire with my Love
You have the chance to become your best self in me

Let it all BURN, BURN, BURN!
I’m on fire!
What is this, I’m still thinking!
I can feel everything!
I’m tired.
I think I’m just gonna sit here a while and collect my thoughts, but its getting pretty hot.

This is all as it should be
Don’t Panic
This is what you are
This is why you are in such pain
Let me take it from you
Let it go
It’s ok
See, gone
You see yourself in your dream and you longed to arise
The sleeper has awakened
I have written it into your DNA
Even now things are changing and rearranging
The possibilities are multiplying
Love WILL show you the way
Stay connected in truth and love
You are becoming

It seems so simple.


What now?

—Be still and wait—