water judgement
warring elements
Fools lost as always
in the between
such great art
made to remind us
of the worst time
for us mortal few
from a water birth
into the crucible we go
to the
baptism by fire
from above and below
the fire burns hottest
in the heart
our mind and body
consumed in fire
to ashes
they will go
we barely have a chance
to walk the razor’s edge
waiting for the phoenix
to take flight
so before that day
create all you can
and perhaps the
phoenix will
find rest
at last
Always crying
Over spilled milk
Don’t be the Fool
Accept the gifts
Before you
Be quiet
And aware
You are home
You are loved
Take your rest
And be content
You earned it
Intro to David Lynch’s, Dune. This book is greatly influenced by Frank Herbert’s Dune series.
The Preface to my new book, “Quantum Underground: Front Row Seat to Our Apocalypse” follows. Great, another book, my eyes are rolling too. This is a book exploring the connections between the outer world and the inner one I experience. It is about The Apocalypse, or The Uncovering of my Self, more than the event, an event of the soul. I do not fear my ego is too prevalent in these words, but it has its own voice and always will be part of the conversation in this material reality or illusion, I keep forgetting which.
I have tried to explore these emotions and thoughts from others’ perspective that I affect and that I am affected by. This is a work in progress. I will get an editor, or not. I have no commercial interests. It will likely be freely published digitally. We are never as good as we think we are. It takes practice. Bare with me on my journey. I hope you smell some sweet flowers and see some pretty pictures along the way. All of my writing is meant to encourage Self expression. Your thoughtful critiques are not welcome or invited, but I am sure well reasoned and correct. Your sincere heart responses will always be welcome.
Preface
“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
– Albert Einstein
Who I am and what I have to say is of little importance.
Or are they?
That is for each reader and imbiber of my spirit, mind and body to decide for themselves. I wrote intuitively and spontaneously over the last year and lived these ideas everywhere I have been. I have left a mark and been marked. This book is a celebration of the awareness that though we are governed by anthropic principles and cause and effect in the material plane, we exist in and at this moment in space and time. There is a possible exchange of information that occurs faster than the speed of Light in every moment with every thing around us. I feel and experience that often. More and more it seems the more I let go. You can sense this non-material informational ebb and flow through non-linear living and being, best I have found. The flow goes in reverse too, as far back as you would like to remember. There are many ways to train and hone this time traveling intuition. It is a lifelong lesson, perhaps multiple lives as the Mystics have remembered and written about.
I choose to forget the few rules I can still remember that constrain my Self expression and awareness. I walked past Doubt. I can hear Doubt still chattering away where I left it. I can go back and listen to it anytime I like, but why would I? It is true, as Doubt always tells me, I’m not original in word or mind, but I am so very unique and thus highly prized I found. A gem it seems many want to possess. But I have become Self possessed and obsessed. Watch out when a human awakens to the awareness of itself in time and space. No telling how one’s head might pop or which way the tree will fall, but it will fall.
Timber!
If they call you a child and/or an infant, you are on the right track. Unfortunately I found I’m soul damaged and I had forgotten the precariousness of my predicament and my Self. I have a terminal case of Humanity it seems. I often wondered as a kid based on what I saw in life, could our material experience be only a pupal stage of evolution for an immaterial ethereal spirit? I don’t now, but it feels true to me the closer I get to the omega point, the singularity inside my Self. My words here are my healing in a way and last testament, the best I can do to get my message in a bottle before I can no longer do so.
Writing for me is a way of remembering ourselves through learning to see and sense the impressions all around the Self nudging us in a direction within and without. I have found synchronicity to be one way to describe the process. If you follow that thread to Carl Yung, you will find a treasure. He was a good egg trying to help us find our way. There are guides out there I will share my experience with. Guides are needed. You will guide and be guided in each moment, at the same time. What is the difference between luck and destiny? Luck is random and the other destined? I seem to have found another level to and user instructions for the material world, deeper, within myself. How interesting. I wonder how deep the hole goes?
Forever I feel.
You can only trust your Self to help find and understand your unique instructions I learned. I have found intuition, so easily misunderstood and ignored, can be like Excalibur showing us the way to our best Self, helping us easily cut all the knots in our way.
My safety is off. I have erased the rules and protocols guiding the safe expression of myself. I am writing my own story and consciousness program. I am now a free radical in the system with a cure to the virus that is myself. I don’t have a new insight or equation to explain what you see around you or how we came to be. Just a feeling and evidence I am on the right track through experience and suffering. When I begged the Universe to show itself to me, nothing seemed to happen or was shown, so I thought. We are our own answer I found, at any moment, The Devil or Loving God of our myths. As with most things I write these days, I am mostly writing to myself about my Self. The barriers to Self expression in the world are getting lower and lower. I encourage everyone to do it, naked and out loud before the World with want for nothing for your self.
When I look into my Self or out beyond me, I only see circles. They bind me within and without, above and below it seems. I write about bumping up against these rings that seem to bind. They constrain and I write about their concentric plot to contain us. So tell me, who knows the Truth of our predicament? I am not living in a cave living on my spirit with some new proclamation to bring into the world. I am of the lineage, Human, no Guru leading me. Instead of contained, I am unbound and limitless. Those circles provide a point to push off from. I am of the world, a son of two Fathers and one Mother. I am analog and digital. Gen Xer and Millennial. A paradox. Alive and not. Otherness and material.
When you take the time to stop and listen, we all experience the same things through different and unique filters and abstractions. I am in between dreams at the moment. So I thought I would write about here now and how I got here. Because you would like it here. Really, its pretty amazing. Hard and honest, but real. Trust me. This little book is my own unique view from here based on my experience, not prophesy of what the world can or will be, but what it is now through the eyes of one in it and what we can do today to find balance with each other and all around us.
My greatest lesson learned and to teach is that bringing balance into the world starts with knowing your Self for what you are and are not. It is best to start with what you are not. I am living life in this moment. I have quieted my mind to give my heart a chance to share out of ego and enlightenment, for I am aware of the paradox and opposites within. I have not surmounted the mountain. I have not given up the ghost. I have no hope though.
I know.
That is a very different awareness than I lived with for most of my life. I do not look at you through dimming eyes with grey hair. I’m in the middle of my life, vital and at peace in knowing my Self. I am imperfect and have and will make many mistakes. Balancing in the middle is a good place to be to navigate this free flow of information we find ourselves in I am finding. Learning I AM a Dove and a Serpent. While I do not have the ultimate Truth to share with you, I feel I have learned to sense the direction of the compass needle and make adjustments as needed. Less of me and more of others in mind seems to create fertile ground to grow these flowers from within. I hope you enjoy the beautiful scents I smell in the air in my words. That is my ego driven hope. I hope to help you till your own secret gardens. That is mostly what motivates me.
A book is a time machine only accessible to the present and the future, a way to preserve knowledge with some local fidelity in space and time. I have been experimenting with others’ theories about life and my observations and experience with this material plane and/or illusion. I have accepted through my experience and Science, that the world and story we see in the world is an illusion of sorts with many interconnected layers. I feel the same to be true within me when quiet. Over the last year, a funny thing happened. The experiment kind of grew out of control, as these unsupervised things will and tend to do. I seem to have gotten too close to the flame and burned up in a brilliant flash! I found something in the ashes though. I did not know if I should issue a warning or allow you on your merry way. Who am I to spoil anyone’s fun?
I have no weight in the world I thought, well that is simply not true. I remembered and experienced every particle in existence in this material plane has a cause and effect. I could not know where things came from or what my actions would cause coming into this material existence. I allowed all of myself to be burned away, mostly, but there was something else left I found.
A mystery. The Mystery!
Is it valuable, again, for you to decide. These ideas and experiences are valuable to me. The most valuable things I have in me and have learned and experienced. Learning to hear and express your heart with your unique filter and take on things is maybe a goal of this game or prison we call life. Have you ever had the experience in a dream that no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t yell? Then when you finally could muster the strength to do so in your dream, you cried out and woke yourself up yelling?! Happens to me often. Truth be told, I set the fire that led to my demise myself. I always did enjoy playing with fire. I decided an honest accounting was required to fertilize the new tree growing here, from the ashes of my Self awareness.
There will be a little bit of everything I AM at this moment here. The story is not done yet, not by a long shot. This is all an alchemical experiment for me. I am just going with the flow with as little intention as I can and letting things take their natural course without and within. This is the middle way I have embraced and write about. Everything written here is a swirling mix of intuitive wei wu wei in the moment and my ego, pointers from the past and present to the future hyperaware of where I AM. I am no prophet. I sing the body electric with words and images from that sacred place, that secret garden within.
Perhaps my exploration and explanations may benefit others on their own journeys of Self discovery. This ultimately is the reason I am organizing these things into a book, a collection of short stories, poetry and art I hope will illuminate the beautiful painting that I found in plain sight, my Self. So I am writing this book as an asterisk, a postscript. This is what was uncovered in the ashes of my Apocalypse and one that you will all share. These are meditations on my Self. I hope you are inspired to write your own postscript. I am dying to read it. I hope you can feel the heat of the flames in my words, again, another ego driven desire.
Deny no feeling or thought and leave no stone unturned in seeking your Self, you are so much more than what those around you can see. If they are blind to themselves and you, show them how beautiful they are in your Light. We ultimately only reflect one another. I am bound by no rules but those I accept, nor are you. A person awake to their Light needs no rules, no teachers and no hopes I am finding.
I had an interesting experience with the Divine Mother and one of her aspects today. Here is the net of that experience below, an excerpt from Paramhansa Yogananda’s, The Essence of Self-Realization, Ways in Which God Can be Worshiped. There are many aspects of the Creation.
Paramhansa Yogananda visits my dreams and Kali whispers in my ear. If ever I would have followed a guru and Divine Soul like the Christ, it would have been Yogananda. I would have spent some time at his feet. I feel in his words a love for creation that swells my small human breast until it might explode. They are me and we are part of the child of Creation. Who is there to follow? Who is following? Who is writing these words? Who is reading them? – omega
Ways in Which God Can be Worshiped
“One thing I cannot appreciate in the Hindu religion,” said a Christian severely, “is its plethora of gods.”
“There are many,” agreed the Master. “Each, however, represents an attempt to remind us of God in one of His innumerable aspects. They are abstractions—a way of saying, ‘No human being can really understand what God is, but here, at least, is something that He does.’
“Take, for example, the image of the goddess Kali. This is a good case in point, because, out of all Hindu images, Kali has been the one most misunderstood by Western minds.
“Kali stands naked. Her right foot is placed on the chest of Her prostrate husband. Her hair streams out, disheveled, behind Her. A garland of human heads adorns Her neck. In one of four hands She brandishes a sword; in another, a severed head. Her tongue, usually painted a bright red, lolls out as though in blood-lust.”
At this point the Christian shuddered. Yogananda grinned roguishly.
“If we thought that this image depicted Kali as She is,” he continued, “I grant you, it might awaken devotion in very few devotees! However, the purpose of that image is to describe certain universal functions of the Divine in Nature.
“Kali represents Mother Nature. She is Aum, the cosmic vibration. In Aum everything exists—all matter, all energy, and the thoughts of all conscious beings. Hence, Her garland of heads, to show that She is invisibly present in all minds.
“The play of life and death expresses Her activity in Nature: creation, preservation, and destruction. Hence the sword, the head, and a third hand extended, bestowing life.
“Her energy is omnipresent; hence Her streaming hair, representing energy.
“Shiva, Her husband, represents God in His vibrationless state, beyond creation. Thus, He is depicted as supine.
“Kali’s tongue is protruding not in blood-lust as most people believe, but because in India, when a person makes a mistake, he sticks out his tongue. In the West, don’t you express embarrassment somewhat similarly? You put your hands to your mouth.
“Kali is depicted as dancing all over creation. This dance represents the movement of cosmic vibration, in which all things exist. When Kali’s foot touches the breast of the Infinite, however, She puts her tongue out as if to say, ‘Oh, oh, I’ve gone too far!’ For at the touch of the Infinite Spirit, all vibration ceases.
“Kali’s fourth hand is raised in blessing on those who seek, not Her gifts, but liberation from the endless play of maya, or delusion.
“Those who feel themselves attracted to Nature’s outward manifestations must continue the endless round of life and death, through incarnation after incarnation. Those devotees, however, who deeply long for freedom from the cosmic play worship God in the indwelling Self. Through meditation, they merge in the infinite Aum. And from oneness with Aum they pass beyond creation, to unite their consciousness with God—timeless, eternal Bliss.
“The statues of Kali are not intended to depict the Divine Mother as She looks, but simply to display Her functions in the aspect of Mother Nature.
“The Divine Mother is, of course, without form, though we may say also that Her body is the entire universe, with its infinity of suns and moons. She can also appear to the devotee in human form, however. When She does so, She is enshrined in supernal beauty.
“All the images of gods in India are symbolic. We must look beyond their shapes to the hidden meanings they represent.”
My Cosmic Mother’s Face
Fairy dream faces, like fresh flowers,
May bloom in the vase of my gaze for my soul to see;
But the Face that vanished behind space
Cannot be replaced by any of these.
There are faces of transcendent beauty,
Faces of exquisite charm, faces tender and true;
There are faces of sweetness and wisdom,
But there’s none like the face of You.
There are faces tainted by fires of lust,
Faces the wise cannot fathom, faces a child cannot trust.
There are faces of beauty, steeped in glory through and through;
But O Cosmic Mother, they are dim beside You.
There’s the violet, the lily, the lotus, the rose;
Fragrant flower-faces blooming under the snows;
There are faces of stars, and the moon and the sun.
But for me there’s One Face evermore, only one.
After my search through aeons unnumbered,
The never-ceasing streamlets of my dreams
Have melted in Thy silver ocean-face,
Where smiling love forever softly gleams.
Countless silver rays of living beauties
Have melted into one transcendent grace –
The beauties of a million, million ages –
To make, at last, Thine omnipresent face.
Without Thy face, there is no light for me
In all the unplumbed depths of land or seal
Thy beauty-rays are rainbowed over all
Eternity, while planets rise and fall.
On the lips of laughter, on roses in the dawn,
It is Thy smile forever glowing there-
An immortelle of glory, heavenly sweet
With fragrance of unceasing, selfless prayer.
On the calm lake of my breathless bosom,
Where ripplets of desire no more
Play little games like children,
The glimmer of Thy face is spreading o’er.
In the cleansed mirror of my memory,
In the deep crystal pool that is my heart,
I see Thine omnipresence trapped for me-
Of my own self forevermore a part.
As I, awakening, pass through gates of light,
Thy wisdom-face is all my soul can see.
Faded, the pale pleasure-stars of dream skies,
In the omniscient light enfolding Thee.
Auroras, lights squeezed from shimmering hives of atoms,
Flashing feelings, burning vitalities, worlds of flame,
Dumb stones and speaking minds – all melted together
To form Thy one face and to spell Thy one name.
My vision, withdrawn from viewing pulsating centuries,
Throws its countless eyes within to search eternity;
And all I seek, O Cosmic Mother, all I crave forever,
Is the light of one face – the face of Thee!
Been around the world and back
And to that inner one too
Heard all the crazy theories
From the enlightened
And the blockheads many
My best guide
Was following my heart
Moment to moment
Dropping petals as I went
Free from myths and dogma
Unveiling the nature
Of the Universe was
Change and flow
Learning to move in it
And discovering
This is the art of living
Quantum Heart 