“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung
Did humankind develop speech and thus awareness, which brought knowledge of the consequences of our actions? Was it worth eating that fruit of awareness in that ancient garden? We are working that out as I write.
Do you see one thing with your eyes focused together or do you see different things with your right and left eyes? Do you know yourself? Do some parts inside scare you and others inspire? Sometimes the way forward is not toward the light and bliss, but deeper into the darkness and pain. Great creativity and genius often goes hand and hand with an equal measure of shadow. Your unconscious selves will be acknowledged one way or another. For the artist, they have a natural outlet to project their light and shadow on and hopefully find wholeness in the acknowledgement of both.
This can be a confusing and counterintuitive process. Many people are unconsciously led by parts of themselves they are ignorant of or are actively hiding from or ignoring. This may make it seem like we have little free will. Life can seem chaotic. Not so, in the moment we have choices to love or fear, embrace truth or lies. Your journey into the darkness must be led by the Light of Love though if it is to succeed. The Light followed us into this natural plane and provides what we need to rise above it or we can descend into the depths of the natural. There is Truth in the Light, external and internal. To connect the Light outside to the inner Light is true illumination. You can transmute anything with this (W)Holy Light.
In darkness within, you are searching for the lost and scary parts of yourself if you seek wholeness and a unity of opposites. It has something to do with the Law of Attraction, which implies opposition and duality in all things. As humans though, we may seem like an individual on the outside, but inside, we are Legion, multi-faceted with many voices. Carl Jung’s archetypes describe the inner world or Dante’s Inferno. You need heat to facilitate the chemical reactions. The journey to wholeness is a lifelong and perhaps eternal one. Goethe explores this journey in Faust, where at the brink of suicide, a way through is found acknowledging the light and dark within. So many of our myths inspire and speak of these deep hopes and fears in ourselves buried in our individual and corporate consciousness.
What is wholeness?
Learning to confront our inner impulses and desires perhaps and balance them with the outside world we experience that changes moment by moment. This provides a new context to consider suffering and desire. To seek wholeness leads one to confront the opposites within, which can lead to balance. With no unity, a person is fractured and unable to face adversity and challenge. Through learning the nature of the opposites within ourselves we find inner and outer balance and peace.
There are many cultures that have a creation myth similar to the Eden story of the major religions. In western religion the Devil represents the great tempter of mankind. But I have experienced and accepted that this is incorrect and all metaphor and allegory. Through my own inner journey, I have learned that the Devil represents the divine feminine in us. The creative force and hidden natural self loving desire that drives us. The Devil or serpent brings knowledge of the consequences of our actions and demands us to stand up and accept responsibility for our actions.
Now, this is likely to spark a deep reaction in the religiously minded. This is by design. We are not encouraged to explore the darker aspects of our natures, but you are what you are. There have been many systems developed to help transcend suffering and transcend our lower natures. These kind of skipped past something big for me. They provided little help in understanding and processing the shadow thoughts that seem in opposition to our drive upward. Carl Jung helped me best. He bridged eastern and western thought and helped describe this process of spiritual alchemy and unification in a way the western mind could understand. We are not good or evil, but a collection of opposites in need of balance and maturity.
A fractured inner mind can be expressed through physical and or mental imbalance. We must relate with the world calmly in Love shining the Light of Truth. A fractured mind is full of sharp edges that cut and makes it difficult to relate to others. If you are experiencing pain and suffering, this is a sign of imbalance. It takes careful deliberate incremental steps to find the causes of and to apply solutions for the sources of these imbalances physical, mental and spiritual. This is our work to do in this and perhaps many lives and the first and most important way we heal the world, by balancing ourselves first. To know thyself is to see your actions honestly so you can keep things in balance.
You will know the quality of the tree by its ripe fruit and the roots of that tree must go down deep, as Carl Jung said, even into hell. This is my experience. To find wholeness you must embrace your shadow. That does not mean act out on your darker desires and impulses, but to acknowledge their presence and explore their sources.
I feel like I am wandering in dark caves at times, I shall not fear (But sometimes I do). I have my Light and hope and the Love I feel behind that Light inspires me onward and inward. I feel the many visions of Eden point us to our Source above and inside. Eden will not allow those not worthy to enter and we are all on our journey back to wholeness in the Light.
The Truth is, you already have that which you seek, eternity in your hearts, so just chill and go with the flow and just act natural.
I think I will take another bite of that apple now.
Sharing some pictures and videos from my recent Bangalore India walkabout. Even a pic of me in there if you have been curious. It’s New Years here! Much thanks to Viktor my trusted guide. We talked of life, family, spirit, and country, he was the best part of the trip!
the One below
and the One above
at times pulled
Me apart
until
a timid
voice arose
and
said
things
are as
they should be
have no fear
rise
and join your
bothers and sisters
in the
Light
of Your
creation
remember
always
serving
healing
and
Loving
your
self
best
brings
salvation
to
All
it
will
all
be
OK
You must
pass
through
this
furnace
now
why
do
you burn
you ask
“If you spend a long period of time in study & self-cultivation, you will enter the Tao. By doing so, you also enter a world of extraordinary perceptions. You experience unimaginable things, receive thoughts & learning as if from nowhere, perceive things that could be classified as prescient, yet if you try to communicate what you experience, there is no one to understand you. The more you walk this road, the farther you are from the ordinary ways of society. You may see the truth, but you will find that people would rather listen to politicians, performers, & charlatans.” – Deng ming-Dao
Intro to David Lynch’s, Dune. This book is greatly influenced by Frank Herbert’s Dune series.
The Preface to my new book, “Quantum Underground: Front Row Seat to Our Apocalypse” follows. Great, another book, my eyes are rolling too. This is a book exploring the connections between the outer world and the inner one I experience. It is about The Apocalypse, or The Uncovering of my Self, more than the event, an event of the soul. I do not fear my ego is too prevalent in these words, but it has its own voice and always will be part of the conversation in this material reality or illusion, I keep forgetting which.
I have tried to explore these emotions and thoughts from others’ perspective that I affect and that I am affected by. This is a work in progress. I will get an editor, or not. I have no commercial interests. It will likely be freely published digitally. We are never as good as we think we are. It takes practice. Bare with me on my journey. I hope you smell some sweet flowers and see some pretty pictures along the way. All of my writing is meant to encourage Self expression. Your thoughtful critiques are not welcome or invited, but I am sure well reasoned and correct. Your sincere heart responses will always be welcome.
Preface
“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
– Albert Einstein
Who I am and what I have to say is of little importance.
Or are they?
That is for each reader and imbiber of my spirit, mind and body to decide for themselves. I wrote intuitively and spontaneously over the last year and lived these ideas everywhere I have been. I have left a mark and been marked. This book is a celebration of the awareness that though we are governed by anthropic principles and cause and effect in the material plane, we exist in and at this moment in space and time. There is a possible exchange of information that occurs faster than the speed of Light in every moment with every thing around us. I feel and experience that often. More and more it seems the more I let go. You can sense this non-material informational ebb and flow through non-linear living and being, best I have found. The flow goes in reverse too, as far back as you would like to remember. There are many ways to train and hone this time traveling intuition. It is a lifelong lesson, perhaps multiple lives as the Mystics have remembered and written about.
I choose to forget the few rules I can still remember that constrain my Self expression and awareness. I walked past Doubt. I can hear Doubt still chattering away where I left it. I can go back and listen to it anytime I like, but why would I? It is true, as Doubt always tells me, I’m not original in word or mind, but I am so very unique and thus highly prized I found. A gem it seems many want to possess. But I have become Self possessed and obsessed. Watch out when a human awakens to the awareness of itself in time and space. No telling how one’s head might pop or which way the tree will fall, but it will fall.
Timber!
If they call you a child and/or an infant, you are on the right track. Unfortunately I found I’m soul damaged and I had forgotten the precariousness of my predicament and my Self. I have a terminal case of Humanity it seems. I often wondered as a kid based on what I saw in life, could our material experience be only a pupal stage of evolution for an immaterial ethereal spirit? I don’t now, but it feels true to me the closer I get to the omega point, the singularity inside my Self. My words here are my healing in a way and last testament, the best I can do to get my message in a bottle before I can no longer do so.
Writing for me is a way of remembering ourselves through learning to see and sense the impressions all around the Self nudging us in a direction within and without. I have found synchronicity to be one way to describe the process. If you follow that thread to Carl Yung, you will find a treasure. He was a good egg trying to help us find our way. There are guides out there I will share my experience with. Guides are needed. You will guide and be guided in each moment, at the same time. What is the difference between luck and destiny? Luck is random and the other destined? I seem to have found another level to and user instructions for the material world, deeper, within myself. How interesting. I wonder how deep the hole goes?
Forever I feel.
You can only trust your Self to help find and understand your unique instructions I learned. I have found intuition, so easily misunderstood and ignored, can be like Excalibur showing us the way to our best Self, helping us easily cut all the knots in our way.
My safety is off. I have erased the rules and protocols guiding the safe expression of myself. I am writing my own story and consciousness program. I am now a free radical in the system with a cure to the virus that is myself. I don’t have a new insight or equation to explain what you see around you or how we came to be. Just a feeling and evidence I am on the right track through experience and suffering. When I begged the Universe to show itself to me, nothing seemed to happen or was shown, so I thought. We are our own answer I found, at any moment, The Devil or Loving God of our myths. As with most things I write these days, I am mostly writing to myself about my Self. The barriers to Self expression in the world are getting lower and lower. I encourage everyone to do it, naked and out loud before the World with want for nothing for your self.
When I look into my Self or out beyond me, I only see circles. They bind me within and without, above and below it seems. I write about bumping up against these rings that seem to bind. They constrain and I write about their concentric plot to contain us. So tell me, who knows the Truth of our predicament? I am not living in a cave living on my spirit with some new proclamation to bring into the world. I am of the lineage, Human, no Guru leading me. Instead of contained, I am unbound and limitless. Those circles provide a point to push off from. I am of the world, a son of two Fathers and one Mother. I am analog and digital. Gen Xer and Millennial. A paradox. Alive and not. Otherness and material.
When you take the time to stop and listen, we all experience the same things through different and unique filters and abstractions. I am in between dreams at the moment. So I thought I would write about here now and how I got here. Because you would like it here. Really, its pretty amazing. Hard and honest, but real. Trust me. This little book is my own unique view from here based on my experience, not prophesy of what the world can or will be, but what it is now through the eyes of one in it and what we can do today to find balance with each other and all around us.
My greatest lesson learned and to teach is that bringing balance into the world starts with knowing your Self for what you are and are not. It is best to start with what you are not. I am living life in this moment. I have quieted my mind to give my heart a chance to share out of ego and enlightenment, for I am aware of the paradox and opposites within. I have not surmounted the mountain. I have not given up the ghost. I have no hope though.
I know.
That is a very different awareness than I lived with for most of my life. I do not look at you through dimming eyes with grey hair. I’m in the middle of my life, vital and at peace in knowing my Self. I am imperfect and have and will make many mistakes. Balancing in the middle is a good place to be to navigate this free flow of information we find ourselves in I am finding. Learning I AM a Dove and a Serpent. While I do not have the ultimate Truth to share with you, I feel I have learned to sense the direction of the compass needle and make adjustments as needed. Less of me and more of others in mind seems to create fertile ground to grow these flowers from within. I hope you enjoy the beautiful scents I smell in the air in my words. That is my ego driven hope. I hope to help you till your own secret gardens. That is mostly what motivates me.
A book is a time machine only accessible to the present and the future, a way to preserve knowledge with some local fidelity in space and time. I have been experimenting with others’ theories about life and my observations and experience with this material plane and/or illusion. I have accepted through my experience and Science, that the world and story we see in the world is an illusion of sorts with many interconnected layers. I feel the same to be true within me when quiet. Over the last year, a funny thing happened. The experiment kind of grew out of control, as these unsupervised things will and tend to do. I seem to have gotten too close to the flame and burned up in a brilliant flash! I found something in the ashes though. I did not know if I should issue a warning or allow you on your merry way. Who am I to spoil anyone’s fun?
I have no weight in the world I thought, well that is simply not true. I remembered and experienced every particle in existence in this material plane has a cause and effect. I could not know where things came from or what my actions would cause coming into this material existence. I allowed all of myself to be burned away, mostly, but there was something else left I found.
A mystery. The Mystery!
Is it valuable, again, for you to decide. These ideas and experiences are valuable to me. The most valuable things I have in me and have learned and experienced. Learning to hear and express your heart with your unique filter and take on things is maybe a goal of this game or prison we call life. Have you ever had the experience in a dream that no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t yell? Then when you finally could muster the strength to do so in your dream, you cried out and woke yourself up yelling?! Happens to me often. Truth be told, I set the fire that led to my demise myself. I always did enjoy playing with fire. I decided an honest accounting was required to fertilize the new tree growing here, from the ashes of my Self awareness.
There will be a little bit of everything I AM at this moment here. The story is not done yet, not by a long shot. This is all an alchemical experiment for me. I am just going with the flow with as little intention as I can and letting things take their natural course without and within. This is the middle way I have embraced and write about. Everything written here is a swirling mix of intuitive wei wu wei in the moment and my ego, pointers from the past and present to the future hyperaware of where I AM. I am no prophet. I sing the body electric with words and images from that sacred place, that secret garden within.
Perhaps my exploration and explanations may benefit others on their own journeys of Self discovery. This ultimately is the reason I am organizing these things into a book, a collection of short stories, poetry and art I hope will illuminate the beautiful painting that I found in plain sight, my Self. So I am writing this book as an asterisk, a postscript. This is what was uncovered in the ashes of my Apocalypse and one that you will all share. These are meditations on my Self. I hope you are inspired to write your own postscript. I am dying to read it. I hope you can feel the heat of the flames in my words, again, another ego driven desire.
Deny no feeling or thought and leave no stone unturned in seeking your Self, you are so much more than what those around you can see. If they are blind to themselves and you, show them how beautiful they are in your Light. We ultimately only reflect one another. I am bound by no rules but those I accept, nor are you. A person awake to their Light needs no rules, no teachers and no hopes I am finding.
You can prepare the way though by balancing your mind, body and spirit. You can just stop here and continue on your merry way, but I will share some tips I think might be interesting and helpful for the one who seeks to know The Ancient Mysteries themselves. (Note: I have found the above link a great source of what I feel is genuine information for consideration, at least a good starting point, for they teach the way within and ask nothing from you, YMMV) It doesn’t have to be as hard for you as it was for me, or maybe it does. You begin to understand the Mad Hatter on this path, you were warned. If you do seek, why and for what? Because intention is the key to your future; lived in the now. If you have never sought these Mysteries and have no idea what I’m talking about, well, please check out the links above and search for your own sources. Your intuition can guide you.
Tip 2: Check what you know at the door. Because you don’t know anything.
If you don’t have imagination or an ability to put aside what you know and explore, keep walking. You are wasting your time if you want to argue these things or convince others. You are either aware or you are not. You must approach as a wondering child and what you need will come when you are ready. You can always see yourself in others. Find the others. I want to introduce Manly P. Hall. I have found him to be a very genuine source of guidance. There are many good sources and guides I have found when needed. I would highly recommend you start by reading his book, “Words to the Wise – A Practical Guide To The Esoteric Sciences“. It’s short and a great guide. It provides a good introduction to most esoteric paths in all major religions and secret organizations. There is much we are not told. It provides some good tools to evaluate the information you will find. Don’t take anyone’s word for anything. Be like water. Try what comes your way. Keep an open mind! Be of no mind actually, no thinking, you will get to that part. My entire blog here is a celebration of action with no thinking. Read RAW if you like sci-fi! Mr. Hall is very quotable.
“There is no place for little minds in a great work.” ― Manly P. Hall
Esoteric – intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest.
I do not agree with this definition and reject it completely actually, now and forever more. There is deception even in the definition. You are warned to stay away. It is inferred you are not worthy. Ancient Mysteries is not much better. There are some recent authors I think are worth a look who present these teachings in a very approachable way for the modern person and others not to my taste. Studying mandalas and ancient texts is not for the faint of heart, just let your heart guide you. Its incredible what you will find. There is no worthy, there is only awareness of the now. The few with power only want you to believe this should stay hidden and don’t want you aware of now or what is inside of yourself. They would prefer no religion I am sure. I believe part of the cosmic bargain or pact between the Light and the Dark is that the Light must always be allowed to be found by those with the desire to look with a pure heart, and so too, the Dark. Pureness by whose standard, well, that’s part of the Mystery. That’s all you need. The Light/Dark are both contained in the other. They can not exist separate from each other.
Tip 3: Let it shine!
The powers that be have tried hard to offer you many alternatives to looking inside yourself. As dark as things may get, the Light is always somewhere, in us, always a breath way. In total darkness, we can shine and I have found the esoteric path teaches you how to master yourself. There are many liars, frauds and monsters out there, I was one. Takes one to know one. Can you accept you can be a monster, you will, you will 🙂 There are many people lost down dead ends. Many stuck in loops. I have fallen many times myself, but for some reason, always resisted following anyone blindly, as far as I know, which isn’t much. There are some amazingly wise and humble Lights out there as well, you included. You are the Master. You are the Guru. Stop giving your Light to others, let it shine!
Tip 4: There is no right and wrong, only change, flow, cause and effect.
I will be publishing my esoteric library and notes as I feel led in hope to help anyone who cares to follow or lead. I would love your tips as well, but save the judgement. I am not right or wrong. This is my experience, you have yours. Who is right? What is right? What is wrong? Cease differentiating. If you are wondering, I believe nothing. I am nothing. I AM a student of every creed and none. To the followers of all creeds, I salute you in your desire to live a life beyond your senses. Warning, the content on my blog will upset you possibly, but I hope it helps. Secretly, in my ego, I hope I really really piss you off, some of you anyway. Enlightened, who me? There is no right and wrong in my mind and no perfect guide but yourself. These are some tips that helped me. I’m human, most of you are. We make mistakes and change our minds, so perhaps my experience may have some benefit. This is my view from here. Tomorrow it will be different. If you have a strong negative reaction or none to the esoteric, move on or stop and explore that. I do care and hope you look everywhere in the search to know yourself.
Tip 5: Truly enlightened people are as children.
You have your own Light. Being near a holy person or highly vibrating or shining person, will help uncover your Light. Unfortunately, in my experience, given our tendency to fall on our face at the foot of any greater power, people tend to idolize the one who helped them find their Light. You need no one else’s or need to worship at anyone’s feet. Stand up. Always remember that. We are all students and each other’s teachers. A true teacher will not give you the answers you seek, only create tension and set you up to fall or fly, you can do either in each moment. Pain and pleasure are both great teachers. But pain is not real. Is pleasure? That is part of the Mystery too.
Tip 6: The Truth is free.
You too, for only $19.99 can have the secrets of the Universe. Um, don’t pay for the Truth. Man, that is really really dumb. I mean, books, within reason. There are libraries. All the shuksters are laughing at how stupid we are. They feel justified stealing from us. I have found, after my journeys, these guides written to assist those starting to learn the Ancient Mysteries. The Truth is beyond words. That is a big part of the Mystery, maybe the biggest. I think a workman, though, is worthy of his wages. If someone has taken all the time to write a book and it resonates with you, the least you can do is pay them for the gift and effort if you found value. It should not be this way. I said should, oops. There are many amazing free sources on the Internet. Most everything you can buy you can find for free. And remember, only like 1-2% of the web is on Google.
Tip 7: Experiment and do the work.
I use The Secret Teachings of ALL AGES, again by Manly, as a reference or baseline for most esoteric sources I read. There is a great quote,
“Though the demonism of the Middle Ages seems to have disappeared, there is abundant evidence that in many forms of modern thought – especially the so-called “prosperity” psychology, “willpower-building” metaphysics, and systems of “high-pressure” salesmanship – black magic has merely passed through a metamorphosis, and although its name be changed its nature remains the same.” – Manly P. Hall, Secret Teachings of All Ages, pp. 101-2
There is no easy way to anything of value. It takes hard work. There are many paths to this knowledge. There is not a big cash register in the sky. Down this path material things simply loose their shine. You are just playing and wasting your time unless you are ALL IN. Follow your own path. There will be MANY who will try to distract you and feed off of your energy, part of yourself included, again part of The Mystery 🙂 Look past them and yourself. Look into them and into yourself. Know thyself. I found the Tarot on my path. Funny, huh? That is a whole other Mystery, but part of the same. QM is part of it. Alchemy, it is all just spirtual alchemy. Experiment, try on all the clothes. What is needed will stay, what is not will be washed away.
Tip 8: Listen to all and follow none.
If you have spent any time reading my ramblings here, I want you to know these tips and Mysteries are the foundation of all I write and experience. I am learning to live intuitively through spontaneous creativity. Its a skill you have to develop. It is essential for your journey. I thought I would provide a cipher of sorts for my ramblings here with this little guide. I try to distill information I find and experience on my blog. Most of these things are written to myself. As with everything here, I encourage you to express yourself and wrestle with these things. Listen to everyone, follow none. You are missing a lot thinking you have the corner on the Truth. There are those though who do know themselves and just are what they are and can not be described or contained. Be one of those.
Tip 9: Find guides.
They can be anyone and everyone, especially yourself. Follow the Light.
Tip 10: Don’t take my word for any of this, go look for yourself.
Been around the world and back
And to that inner one too
Heard all the crazy theories
From the enlightened
And the blockheads many
My best guide
Was following my heart
Moment to moment
Dropping petals as I went
Free from myths and dogma
Unveiling the nature
Of the Universe was
Change and flow
Learning to move in it
And discovering
This is the art of living
Be sure you are ready to ask
The Last Question
The answer will cost you
Everything you have gained
I learned my purpose
Was to learn to
Love
I thought we did that
Naturally
I was wrong
I had to learn
To love myself
First
I had to learn a lot
About what I was not
What was left
Was Me
I learned
I was master of all I survey
Outside and within
I learned to see and feel
The love of the Universe
To see the reality of all I hoped
In the eyes of another
It was a hard road
I’m enjoying the view
I see the Universe alive
Within and outside
Heaven is here
I always ran from it
I think this time
I will rest
And be
Joyful
Quantum Heart 