What Dreams May Come

seven_cups

nothing is free
the scales will
always be balanced
nothing handed to you
nothing deserved
here and now
do the work
and find your
Self in the

Light

Your desire knows you well
The serpent of wisdom
Dragon of temptation
A fair woman
Guardian
The Castle
And Jewels
All fine prizes
In a future
Bounded by
the

Light

What can it all mean

Dreams
Visions
Imagination
Illusions
Deceptions

I had a dream
For my self
I AM in it
Living it
With you

Now

Destiny Within


If not now, when?
If not me, who?

Know Thy Self

Know thyself
Socrates echoes
What stuff are you
Dirt and spittle
With eternal
Breath filled
From dirt
You came
And to dirt
Part of you
You will go
No escape
For you
Or me
Well

That sucks

But always
I see
Silver linings
I heard
A song
And felt
A pull
No, implosion
That sucked
Me inside
With the power
Of a billion
Suns

Into a Light

It takes all
I AM
To take my
Next step now
My feet feel like
The heaviest stuff in
The Universe
To even
Raise a toe now
It needs
A reason
I’m sleepy now
So tired
Of walking
I’m just going
To take a nap
Why move
I’m just
Watching
You all
Float by

We are dirt
We are stardust
Yes
But we are
Not burned out
Cinders
Or empty
Shells
No
We have the Light
Of a billion suns
Inside
Know thy Self

Evidence of Things Unseen

dervish_at_the_door

Sometimes, in my mind, when I let myself think about it, I’m terrified looking at my heart splashed out here on the Interwebs on this blog and other places. That is the best sign I am on the right track to know my Self I feel. Turn over every stone. My ego says delete that ASAP after writing less and less. My words stand as they came. Just like my bad choices and their consequences in my life stand, so do the good and great ones. Deciding to express myself creatively, actively and foolishly examining everything inside and around me, has brought me so much Joy and peace, I wouldn’t go back to my old self or life on my worst day. Being exposed and known for what you are, warts and all, is terrifying in the best way. I kind of love it now.

So, tip of the hat to all who can muster the courage to expose themselves with no hope of acknowledgement or agreement. Writing from love and the heart for no gain but to bring your Light and Love into the world does something to you. It does. It frees you from your self and the opinions of others. You have to stand alone sometimes. Terrifying to a monkey brain, but evolutionarily required it seems. I fear someone is going to come and get me sometimes. I’m good with crazy. Crazy is fun to read, right?  I just don’t want to be boring or too pedantic, but boring is good sometimes too.

Exploring the spirit in our culture unfortunately is not encouraged. You are encouraged to belong. The Ancient Mysteries used to be supported by the Greek and Roman state, now we are so driven by profit and corrupt, they would never support a spiritual school all attend. Only the wealthy or ones who can be used seem to be taught how to reason properly in their ivory towers. Only they have been trained great at thinking about how to rape the world and keep their foot on our necks. Is our society only valuable to a few people at the top? You will be isolated and removed like a virus if you rock things, unless you are part of the cure. I come from an Evangelical background. You don’t go looking into all religions from where I come from. Unfortunately, my heart and poems seem to have cost me access to my family and old friends. I have spent this last year writing as I felt inspired. I have been a square peg in a round hole my whole life. It sucks sometimes. It sucks to be so misunderstood. People I thought who would embrace me, just walked the other way.

So, to the reason I wrote this essay. Well, my writing and poems terrified my family to the point they will not let me see my Mother’s or Sister’s families. I just tell them I Love them and I do, so much. I stay out of their face. I’m no martyr, nor have a desire to be so. I want to celebrate and explore being alive here, now. I leave much unsaid, but what bubbles out is the expression of the life force poured into me from some other place. The personal rejection for sharing my heart hurt like hell in the beginning, which was a lesson. I guess that is a common Religious tactic for those who leave the fold, isolate and discredit them and finally torpedo their ship until its sunk. Interesting to experience it.

I encourage all to find and share their voices in spite of rejection, personal and professional. Hold your course and focus. Check your course often though. We need help sometimes. Weather the storms best you can until you find a good place to tie your boat to.  Where I led the way before in my family, now I am persona non-grata for asking questions and sharing answers no one I know from my past wants to hear or see. I stay away and do not seek to agitate. I only hoped for a detente or a live and let live. There is no argument with my family from my side. Funny, everyone was fine with me living messing my life and others’ up for 20 years, but to awaken and write about a peace I have never known is the terrifying part that has branded me with a scarlet letter with friends and family. There is a great lesson there for me and evidence of the things unseen I know and feel. It is an excellent confirmation I am on to something here.

Whaaaaaaa me. I’m the dumb dumb who didn’t keep his lips hermetically sealed. I’m exploring here and remembering my Self. I move with no thinking in the creative place as much as I can. It’s messy and not calculated. I am as far from calculated as you can be. The spirit encourages me to be sincere and open with my heart every place I go and with every person I meet now and pursue when led. Be quiet most of the time. I write to my Self.  I am sharing the email from my Sister below that clarified their position. She never reads anything I write, so no problem posting it 😉 I had asked to restore contact. They had read my email until the point they disagreed and then I got this email below. I am not looking for sympathy. I’m a big boy, but I felt led to share it. Not to shame, but explore the thinking that separates people and families. This is the mind set you face sometimes in Religion. Its a lot easier for you start out believing nothing with no faith maybe when starting to explore thyself.

I feel anyone can find themselves anywhere they are, so I could care less what you are or call you self. I am a student of the Universe. I have no creed but Love. I listen to all and follow none. I only encourage people to be real and love first and judge…never. I know I am on the right track for me. I am responsible for my self and my actions. Perhaps my sister and I will laugh about this one day. But I accept that they may never be able to accept my presence in their life again like they did. That makes me sad, but there is much to learn through this. Then I remember all have to walk their own path. We are all students. But, to this day, I can’t understand how they never asked me one question about what happened to me. Not one. They only told me I was cursed and lost. As my life blossoms like never before they condemn me. I know the lesson there. I’ll tell you a secret, no, that’s what got me in trouble in the first place. See, I’m learning 😉 It goes slowly.

Listen bro,

XXXX just read some of what you wrote. For real. XXXX, you are NOT Jesus. Period.

I wonder if your awareness of “Self”/let you see into the future let you see your family waving good bye and weeping over you.

Keep Denying your first love, keep disrespecting our only true God. I’ll be sad to say good bye at the parting of ways. Sad.

You are not all seeing, you are not God. You are not I AM. You are not. You are LOST.

YOU are a false prophet. A self centered false prophet.

You, unfortunately, will not have any contact with our family nor our children while you are in this state.

Much of this is like sweet nectar. It also is evidence of things unseen. There you have it. Well, I understand their reaction. I do. I love them so much, but I love my self most. Yes, I am totally Self centered. I’m going to print this one out huge to remind myself never to judge another’s sincere personal exploration, ever. I wish you well with yours.

I wanted to share a great poem provided me in a dark time by Rumi. I will always be a witness of and share the Love Rumi writes of so beautifully and humanly.

Dervish At the Door – By Rumi

A dervish knocked at a house
to ask for a piece of dry bread,
or moist, it didn’t matter.

“This is not a bakery,” said the owner.

“Might you have a bit of gristle then?”

“Does this look like a butchershop?”

“A little flour?”

“Do you hear a grinding stone?”

“Some water?”

“This is not a well.”

Whatever the dervish asked for,
the man made some tired joke
and refused to give him anything.

Finally the dervish ran in the house,
lifted his robe, and squatted
as though to take a shit.

“Hey, hey!”

“Quiet, you sad man. A deserted place
is a fine spot to relieve oneself,
and since there’s no living thing here,
or means of living, it needs fertilizing.”

The dervish began his own list of questions and answers.

“What kind of bird are you? Not a falcon,
trained for the royal hand. Not a peacock,
painted with everyone’s eyes. Not a parrot,
that talks for sugar cubes. Not a nightingale,
that sings like someone in love.

Not a hoopoe bringing messages to Solomon,
or a stork that builds on a cliffside.

What exactly do you do?
You are no known species.

You haggle and make jokes
to keep what you own for yourself.

You have forgotten the One
who doesn’t care about ownership,
who doesn’t try to turn a profit
from every human exchange.”

Peace from a lost false prophet.

Walking Solo

image

I present a selection from Manly P. Hall’s ‘The Secret Teachings of All Ages‘, p. 406-408. In my commitment to listen to all during my comparative studies, I have opened my mind and heart to the Ancient Mysteries. I had guides and protection at every step. There is much we are never told, we must seek it out ourselves or respond to what seeks us.

My intuition and spiritually enhanced mind and heart leads me as needed. It will and does take a lifetime to climb the ladder to awareness if you so choose once you are done playing and living just for your self and your avatar in this material world. You can not come seeking profit or reward. You can’t come to save the world. You must approach as a wondering child seeking to connect to your Self in Love.

The enlightened can only plant the seed or point the way, because have no doubt, it is your great work to do. No one can impart their spirit to you. But they can be living proof of it if they are sincere in developing themselves to their highest intellectual and spiritual destiny. Through knowledge, intuition and experience I know things are not as they seem and I know what I need to know now about that and what I AM. Much peace comes with this awareness.

The four elements of our bodies combine around the invisible, which is the only real part of us, but through wisdom and expanded awareness the invisible emptiness can be replaced with a knowing. You can only find your  Self in the moment in every thing around you. Beyond one’s visions, poems, words, thoughts and knowledge is the simple action of loving a stranger as your Self. To learn to love is the way to your true Self. That is the thread I have found everywhere I looked.  On with the story.

From The Secret Teachings of All Ages…

According to the other school, the so-called division of the sexes resulted from suppression of one pole of the androgynous being in order that the vital energies manifesting through it might be diverted to development of the rational faculties. From this point of view man is still actually androgynous and spiritually complete, but in the material world the feminine part of man’s nature and the masculine part of woman’s nature are quiescent. Through spiritual unfoldment and knowledge imparted by the Mysteries, however, the latent element in each nature is gradually brought into activity and ultimately the human being thus regains sexual equilibrium. By this theory woman is elevated from the position of being man’s errant part to one of complete equality. From this point of view, marriage is regarded as a companionship in which two complete individualities manifesting opposite polarities are brought into association that each may thereby awaken the qualities latent in the other and thus assist in the attainment of individual completeness. The first theory may be said to regard marriage as an end; the second as a means to an end. The deeper schools of philosophy have leaned toward the latter as more adequately acknowledging the infinite potentialities of divine completeness in both aspects of creation.

The Christian Church is fundamentally opposed to the theory of marriage, claiming that the highest degree of spirituality is achievable only by those preserving the virginal state. This concept seemingly originated among certain sects of the early Gnostic Christians, who taught that to propagate the human species was to increase and perpetuate the power of the Demiurgus; for the lower world was looked upon as an evil fabrication created to ensnare the souls of all born into it–hence it was a crime to assist in bringing souls to earth. When, therefore, the unfortunate father or mother shall stand before the Final Tribunal, all their offspring will also appear and accuse them of being the cause of those miseries attendant upon physical existence. This view is strengthened by the allegory of Adam and Eve, whose sin through which humanity has been brought low is universally admitted to have been concerned with the mystery of generation. Mankind, owing to Father Adam its physical existence, regards its progenitor as the primary cause of its misery; and in the judgment Day, rising up as a mighty progeny, will accuse its common paternal ancestor.

Those Gnostic sects maintaining a more rational attitude on the subject declared the very existence of the lower worlds to signify that the Supreme Creator had a definite purpose in their creation; to doubt his judgment was, therefore, a grievous error. The church, however, seemingly arrogated to itself the astonishing prerogative of correcting God in this respect, for wherever possible it continued to impose celibacy, a practice resulting in an alarming number of neurotics. In the Mysteries, celibacy is reserved for those who have reached a certain degree of spiritual unfoldment. When advocated for the mass of unenlightened humanity, however, it becomes a dangerous heresy, fatal alike to both religion and philosophy. As Christendom in its fanaticism has blamed every individual Jew for the crucifixion of Jesus, so with equal consistency it has maligned every member of the feminine sex. In vindication of Eve philosophy claims that the allegory signifies merely that man is tempted by his emotions to depart from the sure path of reason.

Many of the early Church Fathers sought to establish a direct relationship between Adam and Christ, thereby obviously discounting the extremely sinful nature of man’s common ancestor, since it is quite certain that when St. Augustine likens Adam to Christ and Eve to the church he does not intend to brand the latter institution as the direct cause of the fall of man. For some inexplicable reason, however, religion has ever regarded intellectualism–in fact every form of knowledge–as fatal to man’s spiritual growth. The Ignaratitine Friars are an outstanding example of this attitude.

In this ritualistic drama–possibly derived from the Egyptians–Adam, banished from the Garden of Eden, represents man philosophically exiled from the sphere of Truth. Through ignorance man falls; through wisdom he redeems himself. The Garden of Eden represents the House of the Mysteries (see The Vision of Enoch) in the midst of which grew both the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Man, the banished Adam, seeks to pass from the outer court of the Sanctuary (the exterior universe) into the sanctum sanctorum, but before him rises a vast creature armed with a flashing sword that, moving slowly but continually, sweeps clear a wide circle, and through this “Ring Pass Not” the Adamic man cannot break.

The cherubim address the seeker thus: “Man, thou art dust and to dust thou shalt return. Thou wert fashioned by the Builder of Forms; thou belongest to the sphere of form, and the breath that was breathed into thy soul was the breath of form and like a flame it shall flicker out. More than thou art thou canst not be. Thou art a denizen of the outer world and it is forbidden thee to enter this inner place.”

And the Adam replies: “Many times have I stood within this courtyard and begged admission to my Father’s house and thou hast refused it me and sent me back to wander in darkness. True it is that I was fashioned out of the dirt and that my Maker could not confer upon me the boon of immortality. But no more shalt thou send me away; for, wandering in the darkness, I have discovered that the Almighty hath decreed my salvation because He hath sent out of the most hidden Mystery His Only Begotten who didst take upon Himself the world fashioned by the Demiurgus. Upon the elements of that world was He crucified and from Him hath poured forth the blood of my salvation. And God, entering into His creation, hath quickened it and established therein a road that leadeth to Himself. While my Maker could not give me immortality, immortality was inherent in the very dust of which I was composed, for before the world was fabricated and before the Demiurgus became the Regent of Nature the Eternal Life had impressed itself upon the face of Cosmos. This is its sign–the Cross. Do you now deny me entrance, I who have at last learned the mystery of myself?”

And the voice replies: “He who is aware, IS! Behold!”

Gazing about him, Adam finds himself in a radiant place, in the midst of which stands a tree with flashing jewels for fruit and entwined about its trunk a flaming, winged serpent crowned with a diadem of stars. It was the voice of the serpent that had spoken.

“Who art thou?” demands the Adam.

“I,” the serpent answers, “am Satan who was stoned; I am the Adversary–the Lord who is against you, the one who pleads for your destruction before the Eternal Tribunal. I was your enemy upon the day that you were formed; I have led you into temptation; I have delivered you into the hands of evil; I have maligned you; I have striven ever to achieve your undoing. I am the guardian of the Tree of Knowledge and I have sworn that none whom I can lead astray shall partake of its fruits.”

The Adam replies: “For uncounted ages have I been thy servant. In my ignorance I listened to thy words and they led me into paths of sorrow. Thou hast placed in my mind dreams of power, and when I struggled to realize those dreams they brought me naught but pain. Thou hast sowed in me the seeds of desire, and when I lusted after the things of the flesh agony was my only recompense. Thou hast sent me false prophets and false reasoning, and when I strove to grasp the magnitude of Truth I found thy laws were false and only dismay rewarded my strivings. I am done with thee forever, O artful Spirit! I have tired of thy world of illusions. No longer will I labor in thy vineyards of iniquity. Get thee behind me, rempter, and the host of thy temptations. There is no happiness, no peace, no good, no future in the doctrines of selfishness, hate, and passion preached by thee. All these things do I cast aside. Renounced is thy rule forever!”

And the serpent makes answer: “Behold, O Adam, the nature of thy Adversary!” The serpent disappears in a blinding sunburst of radiance and in its place stands an angel resplendent in shining, golden garments with great scarlet wings that spread from one corner of the heavens to the other. Dismayed and awestruck, the Adam falls before the divine creature.

“I am the Lord who is against thee and thus accomplishes thy salvation, ” continues the voice. “Thou hast hated me, but through the ages yet to be thou shalt bless me, for I have led thee our of the sphere of the Demiurgus; I have turned thee against the illusion of worldliness; I have weaned thee of desire; I have awakened in thy soul the immortality of which I myself partake. Follow me, O Adam, for I am the Way, the Life, and the Truth!”