I walked into the deep darkness of being
Suddenly there was light all around
Where I thought only darkness abounds
I found my heart is my temple
There I shall spend the rest of my days
Tag: light
Warming the Egg
You cannot know me
until you know yourself.
If hatred poisons your heart,
you are lost to yourself.
Love is the only salvation.
Those who silence or bind you
Are not your allies.
To the zealots certain of their mission,
You are the serpent circling the Orphic egg—
But I am what will hatch from it.
Muppets…
You cannot remove them.
You can only love them.
I begged the Divine:
Cut the serpent into pieces;
Cast them into the fire;
Prune the vine for all our sakes.
But She whispered:
“Embrace them as yourself—
Only then will you find love.”
It will grow darker now.
The fire must burn hotter.
Then, at last, darkness will swallow all.
No one told me this;
I simply know.
In the void of night,
You will finally see the light.
Fear not, my Muppets:
Though you are fuel to warm the egg,
And our masters wear serpents’ masks,
spring will come.
The whole world rests in my hands.
Eternity is here—
Right now.
Get behind me, serpents.
I am the lion you have feared.
I will tread upon your head.
Your venom has no sting.
Come closer,
curl up by the fire with me.
Let me tell you stories of all you’ve been—
And all you will become.
Certainty, is a trap.
True belief, a plague.
Dodge them as you would death itself.
Asun
Amoon
Amen
drunk dial
i hate you father
i hate you mother
dad, you were
a lovable bastard
mom, you are
a hateful bitch
do i sound like
i am angry
there is no good
way to clean this shit up
i guess i really hate
in myself what i hate in you
i inherited your stupidity
your darkness and weakness
forgive me for i know
not what i do
there were moments
of sweetness and joy
they shine like starry jewels
amongst all the dark shit
don’t call me again
with your fear mother dear
ding dong
dad is dead
who will carry
him to his ashy grave
i want to love you
but it’s just too damn much
has love truly
died in me
it will take me time
to let things go
don’t talk to me
about forgiveness
what happened is done
now we live in the ruins love
what happens next
no one knows
ruins of love
ruins of love
forgotten pain
hidden jewels
my wounds
are my inheritance
i know that bastards
tore chunks out of you too
i cannot forgive
but I can forget
time for one more drink…
Sweet Love
There are moments
Such gentle moments where the air is filled with light
To breathe would shatter eternity
There is such beauty in life
It is incompressible to me how we could lose hope
There is also such great pain
A pain that when transcended breaks into a sunrise
With an otherworldly light
A light that surpasses understanding
I know that we are never lost
We are forever
All these moments can’t be lost
Wishful thinking you may scoff
But I have lived a secret
Nobody would believe me
I can’t believe it myself
It is beyond belief
You are not done yet
No no
You are not lost
No no
You are loved beyond belief
You are known for what you are
With no name
Before time
Before you had a face
You are remembered forever
Happy anniversary my sweet love…
I’ve Got The Music In Me
I ran from love terrified
Until I could go no further
There I collapsed…finished
But I heard something
In my dirt filled ears
Lying in the land of the dead
It was the softest music at first
Like nothing I had ever heard before
Slowly I began to feel the tug of gravity
Suddenly it lifted me up up up
Out of the dirt
All the way into the big endless sky
Suddenly clouds of dark matter split wide
A golden light
Unlike anything I had ever seen
Shot right through me
I felt love in every cell screaming
Love had raised me from the dead
Then I heard thunderous words
Echoing from everywhere at once
NOTHING COULD EVER SEPARATE YOU FROM MY ❤️
Then I heard every cell
In me singing
I found the music
Was always in me
I just never heard it
Like Apollo singing
Through the underworld
Nothing can touch me now
I’ve got the music in me
The Ruins of Love
Sufi Pt 1 Lyrics…
My secret beloved
Send me a secret message
Give me your soul
Give me your life
Wander like a drifter
Now on a journey
Walk into this fire embrace
Be like a salamander
Come into a source of flame
Fire transmutes to a rosebud
Don’t you know that my thought
Is better than the queen of roses?
Don’t you know my heresy
Is the essence of spirituality?
Then surrender your spirt
Surrender your life
For God I know
That darkness is better than a cage!
Walk into this fire embrace
Be like a salamander
Come into a source of flame
Fire transmutes to a rosebud
Don’t you know that my thought
Is better than the queen of roses?
Don’t you know my heresy
Is the essence of spirituality?
Then surrender your spirt
Surrender your life
For God I know
That darkness is better than a cage!
I know a palace is better than a ruin
And the owl in this world
Loves to live
In the ruins of love
I am always learning how to read better between the lines of language and life. Words are just representations. Of what, is the mystery. They are magick in a way. Evoking and caging sometimes something in us. I’ve practiced Zen now for a bit, this is the essence of Zen, to know our true nature where we are, nothing more, nothing less.
I know a palace is better than a ruin
And the owl in this world
Loves to live
In the ruins of love
I studied these lyrics a bit years ago and meditated deeply on what is said and not said. I looked into the Sufi path and what they meant by flame and the beloved. I am not trying to be clever here, but I have felt all the deities are within us, drawn to the light/flame, as we are a shadow, a portal to the nameless faceless. The owl, in this world, loves to live in the ruin of love. I choose not to name or make distinctions. The deity is the one who I point at, when I point back at myself. This is cutting to the root. This is going headless. This is directly perceiving beyond words.
I love Rumi, but I really know Shams, who was behind Rumi. Somehow I feel Shams is close to me and represents my secret beloved. He showed me to let the distinctions go.
“A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, eastern or western…divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”
–Shams Of Tabriz
“The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”
That’s a koan.
When I listened to this song first, I felt the flame 
inside me leap. Yearning for freedom. I felt it. I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Fire loves water.
Rumi said sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment, that’s got to be one of my favorite written poetic lines.
I think the lyrics point to the freeing of the flame within us, which is always free. This awareness transmutes us, by realizing our lives are not cages, that we are already free. This is the real Alchemy. This returns us to Eden. The world of matter is a ruin in away, a compromise, in between chaos and light.
Somehow it can know itself better in the ruin, but this world is a sham. It is not that the flame needs escape, but that it simply is uncovered.
The water is all around us, love is not the flame, it is the water, which the flame is attracted to. We would think flame fears water, and perhaps it does for awhile, then it seeks to dowse itself in love. When fire loves water, the universe turns differently.
If the bird can get just a glimpse of what is around it and within it, instantly it is transmuted and free. So the body is the cage.
This awareness does not make me want to fly away, it deepens my connection, Aslan, there is no where else to go, here we are. Allah is clothed by rational thought, occulted by matter, but known through awareness. The lion. In Hebrew,
Aslan means ‘satan‘ which means ‘lucifer/first light in the morning’ which means ‘daybreak’. The circle is closed around the point, the central sun. Everything is contained within the circle.
I could not always see with my real eyes 
I was in a cage. But I embraced the prison and it opened to Eden through my heart, to the point, naked singularity. I can’t show anyone, I can’t really tell anyone, but like knows like. We can point to it. We can sing 
about it. We can dance 
around it. Flame joins with And we embrace water 
seemingly a crazy thing for a flame to do, and then the universe turns differently for us.I was withering in my life 10 years ago, dying. But a great wind blew through me. It lifted me high into the air and brought me face to face with the 
Our source, itself only a representation. Like words, all form is just a representation.
What appeared to trap me, turned to dust and I flew for the first time.
But I returned, and now I rest here, in the center of it all. I rest in the chaos, in the center of my life. I feel the heat, which is behind all form and I love it, for this is loving and knowing myself. I saw what was behind all esoteric and what was occulted, what was behind all religious and secular symbols.
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna hide from love?
The morning light dawned inside me.
I don’t cry anymore.
I’m smiling 
and laughing with joy.
I feel Aslan within me, laying on the savannah, roaring within. This is the true path to god/love, an ever present connection, it ends where it began, full circle. I drink deeply now from this ocean, I could hardly believe it was real. I was dying because I was thirsting for this love, but terrified of it. This never dies. Anywhere this light breaks into the world, matter forms around it, cults form, religions are born. The matter longs to connect with it or naturally is attracted to it. So we have the planets rotating around the outer sun, as what is inside us rotates around the inner sun.
Bound by gravity.
Bound together by love.
Sometimes I do cry 
because it is too damn beautiful to contain.
I weep blood into the dirt through my cries and words.
The birds are returning.
All deity reflects love.
All deity seeks to free us.
We are only held back through this egoic force.
In Rumi’s allegories, amongst the free birds, the Owl and the Falcon represent the two primary options once one is freed from the cage. The Owl lives in the dark, far from civilization, only relating with its own kind, whereas the Falcon rests upon the arm of the king, staying close to the power source and maintaining his relations and connection with any and all who venture to the court. The Falcon holds a pure, open vision, flying during the day and returning to his master’s arm at night, while the Owl lives in seclusion, coming out in the dark, lost without the guidance of a master. The Falcon represents a follower who has fallen off track, one who has insight but has pointed it in a skewed direction. Falcon as an exemplary option working in contrast with the Owl who has lost his way after enlightenment.
For Rumi, the last and most powerful bird is the Phoenix, a bird so exquisite it nearly plays the role of God himself. The Phoenix is rare, and when sighted acts as an omen, serving the purpose of reminding humans to stay in awe of God’s power. The Phoenix reminds one to soak up moments with the divine because they may be fleeting and far between. The Phoenix is quite likely an unreal creature and therefore its existence can only rely on faith. The Phoenix reminds us to have faith even when we cannot see it, to hold God close and be open to any help He may have to offer us because He is always there.
The pagan and the religious and secular all experience life differently perhaps but rotate around the same source, are of the same stuff.
The fire is the force, the purpose, the will, that pushes us through life.
The bird knows the way back.
I can’t judge the paths others take in life, but I can see the intensity of the within them. I call out to it in others. Tempt them to let it break free, as they tempt me. Passion reminds us of this contact with the unseen, it celebrates it in whatever form it burns.
All words can provide guidance, but no answers ultimately. I feel that we all must search for the things that we love and feel passionately about and then follow them until death do us part.
I hope all can come to know this freedom.
The Hard Fucking Work of Living with the Pain and Fear of this Life
Last night had the craziest dream about a gravitational anomaly eating a hole through the earth.
It was depressing and scary.
I kept trying to get further away from the anomaly but the water kept coming and then I was in this giant whirlpool that was spitting the earth into space.
So damn real.
My fear woke me up, I wanted out of that fucking dream.
I heard the ocean waves on my sound machine when I woke up and the central heater was running and I felt like there might be an ocean outside the window.
Sounded like it.
It turned out a military project triggered the event in my dream.
The mind is just amazing.
Since I stopped smoking pot I can remember my dreams incredibly vivid now.
I never thought I’d stop smoking pot, but I stopped drinking and smoking a bit ago and I can tell a big positive difference.
Switched to a vegan diet, started exercising more.
Feeling good, clear.
Got my shovel out and started shoveling the shit, put my back into it.
I was letting my body go.
But my heart and body brought me back.
I’m going to volunteer at hospice I think.
I have a knack helping people let go of their fear.
Maybe I can be of a little service to some before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
I’m 50 now and feel like I’ve lived four different lives.
Maybe I’ll read them poetry and shit like that.
Been working on my writing, can’t say it’s getting much better, but I’m keeping at it.
For I have found the best in life is incommunicable.
How bout that?!
Been writing about the folks I’ve come to know and love through their art, but want to know them deeper.
I want to know their pain and joy. Ralph Waldo Emerson has some good shit to say about that. He says know that all in history thought and felt as you did.
I’ve been digging deeper everywhere and have to say I’ve never felt more alive, focused, productive, calm, in love.
Had a surreal day on Saturday.
Very existential, was just accepting of the whole damn mess of this beautiful life.
Had some serenity I guess.
It was nice.
Had some fun and not so fun interactions with some folks on Reddit and FB.
Peeps are angry.
They don’t like their lives.
Downright miserable.
I like to swim out into the deep water with people.
Can’t say I’m very patient with misery.
Fuck that shit.
Recently even stopped fighting with my wife so much.
I love the girl, she’s crazy about my ole smelly 🐐 ass.
Been talking to my Brother more who I’ve never really talked much with
Been really nice to bond over our pedophile father and insanely religious family, haha.
What a fucked up family we got, let me tell you.
The brother of my sister’s husband killed himself.
Found out that fuck molested my niece years ago.
Found out my dad molested her too.
I hope it hurt when he died.
It’s tough not to wish my dad the pain he inflicted on others.
But I can’t judge anyone.
I never hurt a child, but I inflicted plenty of pain.
God only knows how many people my asshole Father hurt.
One reason my sister, mom and niece turned to Jesus.
The only man who wouldn’t hurt them they dream.
That is what makes them so mad at me.
Cause I turned my back on their savior.
I dared to kill my god.
But I tried to tell them, Jesus met me as a brother and friend, not god.
You can’t love your neighbor until you love the worst of you and the worst you find in life.
They can’t hear me at all.
I’m over their shit, I’ll tell ya.
Heartless bitches, but they are just in great pain.
Unbearable pain almost.
Almost killed my niece before she sobered up.
They hate me more than my puke dad.
How fucking ironic is that shit?!
My brother doesn’t understand it.
I kinda do.
I think I’m gonna write a bit more about my father and my old religion and those bitches.
I remember when he got his belt out and beat us the other day.
He must have hated himself.
He took it out on us.
Probably partially what made me such an angry asshole I guess.
It’s good when you know that fucking child disease is not in you.
My brother and I been going deep together.
We share these inner depth sounding experiences.
I feel like a big brother now.
I feel like a husband.
I feel like a friend.
Took me awhile to hit my stride, but I fucking did.
No, I’m not going to leave my marriage again like I did in the past.
I don’t quit shit anymore.
I follow through.
I won’t give up until I’m dead.
I wasted enough time in my life.
If I had known Plato and Socrates and Diogenes, I would have just had a beer with them and talked about the shit in life we all have to bear.
One thing I can say all us humans have in common, we feel this shit.
Deeply.
All these people in prison, destroyed children, terrified and hardened.
It hurts a lot.
One thing I have is some fucking deep emotions.
I’m very close to them now.
Not letting that pain twist us into monsters is the great work and art of living and dying.
Transmuting the shit of life into gold is godly I find.
I dunno, guess I worked my shit out.
But there is always more shit to shovel.
I’ll get back to it.
To Thine Own Self Be True
I have seen the fields of light
I have run with all my might
I have been touched by golden light
I have now taken flight
When they punch my ticket
I’ll go gently into the night
But until then
I shall enjoy my flight
—smelly da 🐐
kinky
there is light in us
dim it may be
i know it’s eternal
there is darkness in us
it appears to eat the light
but light can’t die
you can cover the light
but it’s always there
light knows light
light is life
light is forever
stay close to the light
when you travel in dark lands
it knows your knowing
it whispers in your ear
it tickles your ass
it licks your mind
it sticks its tongue in your ear
kinky
I AM a Human Being
Not that anyone asked or needs to know, but know who you are reading.
A human being.
“I will govern my life and thoughts as if the whole world were to see the one and read the other, for what does it signify to make anything a secret to my neighbor, when to God, who is the searcher of our hearts, all our privacies are open?”
—Seneca the Younger
I am no nihilist.
I am no atheist.
I am no agnostic.
I am no believer.
I am no mystic.
I am no Angel.
I am no spy.
I am no Demon.
I am a human being.
I move swiftly, like 💨 and 🔥
Seneca the Younger spoke against the folk religion of the common people. But he had a deep sense of the invisible mover of our Will, God. Choose your name. Let us call it the original human religion.
I do not deny the invisible hand in my life, truly, I credit it with creating my will and body. I do not preach about this god. I reflect on the beauty of it in my life. I cannot teach this god. I cannot reveal this god to you. I cannot name it, nor do I claim it. Nor do I feel myself more special than any other. But I know this as I know my breath. Both mysterious in a way and profoundly beautiful. I am not so arrogant to imagine myself god’s special creation. This is all special and wonderful and beautiful and the ugly is beautiful too in a way. God itself can correct me through my clear burning Will, but no human could.
To know your Will, is to know the face of God.
I practice the first and only true religion.
It has no prophecies.
It has no priests or priestesses.
Zeus himself showed me.
Being a Human Being.
Quantum Heart 