i hate you father
i hate you mother
dad, you were
a lovable bastard
mom, you are
a hateful bitch
do i sound like
i am angry
there is no good
way to clean this shit up
i guess i really hate
in myself what i hate in you
i inherited your stupidity
your darkness and weakness
forgive me for i know
not what i do
there were moments
of sweetness and joy
they shine like starry jewels
amongst all the dark shit
don’t call me again
with your fear mother dear
ding dong
dad is dead
who will carry
him to his ashy grave
i want to love you
but it’s just too damn much
has love truly
died in me
it will take me time
to let things go
don’t talk to me
about forgiveness
what happened is done
now we live in the ruins love
what happens next
no one knows
ruins of love
ruins of love
forgotten pain
hidden jewels
my wounds
are my inheritance
i know that bastards
tore chunks out of you too
i cannot forgive
but I can forget
time for one more drink…
Tag: emotions
Difficult Emotions
I struggle with anger and difficult emotions at times. When you come close to the Light, it can be confusing to see such strong negative emotions rising up. It’s natural I have found. These emotions, as temperamental children, demand our attention at uncomfortable times. I have been seeking an answer to how to deal with these emotions.
Love is always there, but we are filled with many other things as well. We gain our knowledge from the world. We must live in and experience the world. We need insight and compassion to change ourselves and indeed the world. We ourselves are not the standard, nor is any other person. We can trust our daily experience guided by insight and mindfulness. We need to learn to be mindful enough to let impulses pass.
The Sufi’s have taught me about loving myself. Jesus taught me to love my brother. From The Four Quartets:
Desire itself is movement
Not in itself desirable;
Love is itself unmoving,
Only the cause and end of movement,
Timeless, and undesiring
Except in the aspect of time
Caught in the form of limitation
Between un-being and being.
The Buddhists have been helping me learn compassion as well. I have to be mindful of these difficult feelings. I am challenged to not respond to them, if I do, I quickly stand up and brush myself off.
Mindfulness helps you to become aware of these feelings. We can bear these difficult emotions. To stay present in our anger and difficult emotions is difficult, but awareness of these emotions brings change. If I can see this anger and feelings in myself and let them flow away, I can see it in others and learn to not respond to them as well. I can have compassion. Anger hurts you and your target. I am practicing not reacting to these emotions. It goes slowly.
Quantum Heart 